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[i习作temp] 人生第一篇issue无人问津，现奉上人生第二篇issue [复制链接]

克莱茵蓝
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-11-18 21:29:32 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由克莱茵蓝于 2009-11-18 21:31 编辑

TOPIC: ISSUE2 - "Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."
WORDS: 527
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009/11/18 TVXQ? 4:32:40

Competition has been existing in our world for thousands of years, since the resources of our world and society are always limited, thus everyone need to improve himself in order to compete for those resources. To this extent, I believe that competition is beneficial and necessary. However, when competition has improved extraordinarily, it will bring us disaster, rather than welfare.

Appropriate competition is of great importance and use since it's the impetus for our world's improvement, both the nature world and the human society. Consider the nature world, for example. The best illustration of competition’s effects is Darwin's theory ----The world's amount of food, water, and even sunlight is limited, every specie should do its best to strive for these resources, or die. Even human beings is not the exception. The mechanism can help make extant spices more sturdy and suitable for the environment, which in turns makes the limited resources be best utilized.

The importance of competition is extremely striking when it comes to our human society. Because of competition, students do their best to study and make themselves of great value. Because of competition, every scientist struggles to make new discoveries and researches, which in turns improves science and the living standard of our human beings. Because of competition, businessmen are always considering methods to improve their merchants and low their prices, which benefits we consumers. I believe we all hate any monopolizing business, which makes us have no other choice but bear their high price and low quality.

However, we cannot encourage all kinds of competition since everything has its two sides, competition is not the exception. Firstly, when it improves so much and become the society's general atmosphere, our welfareis at the risk of disappearance. What will the society become if everyone considers nothing but surpassing other people and being the best one? We will have little time for playing, getting together with our family and friends. And even enough sleeping will become a kind of luxury, or crime. What's more, people's psychological fitness will be destroy since we cannot make sure that we are the best one to occupy all the resources in the world, no matter how we strives.

What's more, competition is neither good nor bad, but the measures people taken to compete are variable, and may be detrimental. It's now becoming more and more common for us to hear that some students copy other's thesis or study results in order to get a high score and be preeminent in all schoolmates. Businessmen begin to come up with bad ideas such as using products of low quality to cheat consumers, or kneading false scandals to libber other competitors. All these measures can do no good to our society but let everyone give up improving themselves and join the majority of cheating and framing up others.

In sum, competition is generated with the world, and propel competition can do much good to both our nature world and human society. However, we should pay attention to the improvement of competition and the measures people taken to compete, otherwise, we won't be happy or leisure, and our society would regress as a result.

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qisaiman
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沙发

发表于 2009-11-18 21:46:08 |只看该作者

1# 克莱茵蓝

刚开始，不太懂issue，不过提几个建议看看，合适与否都不要太在意。

1： our world ，I believe we all hate any monopolizing business 。。。。第一人称感觉有点别扭。
2：题目是to society，用自然界比较似乎说服力不强。
3：举例似乎一般。

------------------
其实我还不知自己要写的话成什么样子，无论如何，加油吧。

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草木也知愁
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板凳

发表于 2009-11-18 21:48:07 |只看该作者

赞刚开始就限时大致浏览了下基础还不错不过对AW的理解还处于刚刚上完课的那种很浅的状态多去看些前人的经验讨论分析然后努力实践吧

加油！

让自己的作文被改主要有以下几种途径：
1、参与/组建互助小组，请参见下一个部分；
2、主动出击，到别人的习作中改别人的文章，然后留下连接请求回拍，绝大部分情况下版友都会很负责的回拍的；
3、斑竹定期会开习作修改铺，在里面占位置就可以让斑竹修改你的习作；
4、同主题写作时会规定参与的版友按照一定的回贴顺序进行互改；
5、坐等别人来拍，由于习作量很大，这种概率很小，所以效率也很低，建议不要采用。

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克莱茵蓝
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地板

发表于 2009-11-19 21:41:06 |只看该作者

2# qisaiman

谢谢哈，一起努力，大家都刚刚上路呢~

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克莱茵蓝
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5楼

发表于 2009-11-19 21:41:59 |只看该作者

3# 草木也知愁

谢谢，会加油的~~

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克莱茵蓝
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6楼

发表于 2009-11-20 22:41:15 |只看该作者

6# Bela1229

谢谢谢谢~收获很多~

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fengzhizhi
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7楼

发表于 2009-11-21 00:29:58 |只看该作者

1# 克莱茵蓝

Competition has been existing in our world for thousands of years, since the resources of our world and society are always limited, thus everyone need to improve himself in order to compete for those resources. To this extent, I believe that competition is beneficial and necessary. However, when competition
has improved extraordinarilyis developed to be extraordinary blind (lz是指恶性竞争吧？improve应该是指网好的方向发展吧), it will bring us disaster, rather than welfare.

Appropriate competition is of great importance and use since it's the impetus for our world'sof improvement, both for the nature world and the human society. Consider the nature world, for example. The best illustration of competition’s effects is Darwin's theory ----The world's amount of food, water, and even sunlight is limited, every species should do its best to strive for these resources, or it’ll die out., Eeven human beings is not the an exception. The This mechanism can help make extant spices species more sturdy and suitable for the environment, which in turns makes the limited resources be best utilized. 进化论的例子很好，我的文章就不会用例子

The importance of competition is extremely striking when it comes to our human society. Because of competition, students do their best to study and make themselves of great value. Because of competition, every scientist struggles to make new discoveries and researches, which in turns improves science and the living standard of our us human beings. Because of competition, businessmen are always considering methods to improve their merchants and low their prices, which benefits we us consumers. I believe we all hate any monopolizing business, which makes us have no other choice but to bear their high price and low quality.排比句用的很好，老外应该也喜欢的吧。但是which引导的定语从句用得过多了。

However, we cannot encourage all kinds of competition since everything has its two sides, and competition is not the an exception. Firstly, when it improvesexpands so much and as to become the society's general atmosphere, our
welfare is at the risk of disappearancedisappearing. What will the society become if everyone considers nothing but surpassing other people and being the best one? We will have little time for playing, getting together with our family and friends. And even enough sleeping will become a kind of luxury, or crime. What's more, people's psychological fitness will be destroy destroyed since we cannot make sure that we are the best one to occupy all the resources in the world, no matter how we strives.

What's more, competition is neither good nor bad on its own, but the measures people taken to compete are variable, and may be detrimental. It's now becoming more and more common for us to hear that some students copy other's thesis or study results in order to get a high score and be preeminent in all schoolmates. Businessmen begin to come up with bad ideas such as using products of low quality to cheat consumers, or kneading false scandals to libber other competitors. All these measures can do no good to our society but let everyone give up improving themselves and join the majority of cheating and framing up others.

In sum, competition is generated with the world, and propel proper competition can do much good to both our nature world and human society. However, we should pay attention to the improvement expansion of competition and the measures people taken to compete, otherwise, we won't be happy or leisurely, and our society would regress as a result.
楼主论证的思路很清晰，但是好像很少看到正面的论证和发面的论证各两段的，可能是我见识浅薄了。我写文章总是缺乏逻辑，所以只能给楼主做一些浅层的修改了，希望能有帮助。

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