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[习作点评] 马上就要考试了issue求批改>0<!!!谢谢大家~~~ [复制链接]

joylee416
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楼主

发表于 2014-11-7 19:39:24 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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topic：5) Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

I partly support the claim of the speaker that governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. Since major cities usually act as the representation of certain countries, it is reasonable for governments to invest finance to the development of their major cities. Nevertheless, I do not agree with the reason of the speaker that the investment of financial support is because major cities are the places that a nation's culture traditions are preserved and generated.

To begin with, I fundamentally support the speaker that government should ensure that their major cities receive the financial support. Considering the fact that major cities always act as the symbol of a certain country, we should acknowledge that the governmental financial support for them is reasonable. In order to maintain and prompt major cities thrive, government, through investing financial support, can promote the appearance and environment of their major cities. For example, the magnificent skyscrapers and landmarks make the major city modern and splendid, while the thriving entertainment and services industry indirectly show the soft power in another perspective, which of them require a considerable amount of investment. Thus, it is reasonable that government should invest finance in the development of their major cities in order to represent the modernization of a country.

However, the point I want to contend with the speaker is about the reason that major cities are the primarily places that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. In my opinion, neither are a nation's traditional cultures well preserved in its major cities, nor is it the reason of financial support from governments. Firstly, we should realize the fact that nowadays, most of the cultural traditions of a certain country are preserved in its remote areas and rural countrysides. Major cities have witnessed the phenomenon that they are built and design as the same way---fulled of modern building, wide streets and hustle transportation. It is no surprise for you that the night scene of Shanghai and New York look almost alike. It means that nowadays, major cities almost lose their distinct characteristics, which are largely composed by the special traditional culture of certain countries. Nevertheless, the remote area and rural countrysides, far away from the major modern cities, still keep pristine and original. A nation's cultural traditions are primarily preserved and generated in these remote and pure areas instead of major cities.

Besides, the reason of the governmental financial support for major cities is not because they are the places which preserve the traditional culture, but because they are the economical and political center of a certain country. In order to keep the government operating efficiently and keep the economy running optimally, government can invest financial support to improve many aspects related to the politics and economy in major cities. For example, investing financial support in the development of infrastructure, such as public transportation, is conducive to promoting the communication and transmission of commodity and information become more rapid and efficient . What’s more, investing financial support to promote the creation of modern atmosphere, such as the wide covering of the Internet, is helpful for individuals and organizations in big cities work and operate in higher efficiency. As a result, it is because of the important economical and political functions of major cities that government invest financial support in them, rather than because major cities preserve traditional cultures.

In sum, I fundamentally consent the claim that government must ensure their major cities receive financial support. However, I cast doubt on the reason that it is because major cities primarily preserve and generate cultural tradition. In my opinion, it is the remote areas and rural countrysides that keep the pristine and original culture of certain nations. What’s more, it is because major cities usually act as the symbol of a country that the national government invest financial support in them in order to ensure the efficient operation of politic and economy.

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tesolchina
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沙发

发表于 2014-11-7 19:39:25 |只看该作者

topic：5) Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

I partly support the claim of the speaker that governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. Since major cities usually act as the representation of certain countries, it is reasonable for governments to invest finance to the development of their major cities. Nevertheless, I do not agree with the reason of the speaker that the investment of financial support is because major cities are the places that a nation's culture traditions are preserved and generated.

To begin with, I fundamentally support the speaker that government should ensure that their major cities receive the financial support. Considering the fact that major cities always act as the symbol of a certain country, we should acknowledge that the governmental financial support for them is reasonable. In order to maintain and prompt major cities thrive, government, through investing financial support, can promote the appearance and environment of their major cities. For example, the magnificent skyscrapers and landmarks make the major city modern and splendid, while the thriving entertainment and services industry indirectly show the soft power in another perspective, which of them require a considerable amount of investment. Thus, it is reasonable that government should invest finance in the development of their major cities in order to represent the modernization of a country.

invest finance搭配有问题
不太理解楼主这里的理由你想说投资主要城市是为了作为国家现代化的标志和样板么？
为什么要这种标志和样板呢？
我觉得你的理由很难和一些主流的价值观衔接起来这样很难说服读者

However, the point I want to contend with the speaker is about the reason that major cities are the primarily places that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. In my opinion, neither are a nation's traditional cultures well preserved in its major cities, nor is it the reason of financial support from governments. Firstly, we should realize the fact that nowadays, most of the cultural traditions of a certain country are preserved in its remote areas and rural countrysides. Major cities have witnessed the phenomenon that they are built and design as the same way---fulled of modern building, wide streets and hustle transportation. It is no surprise for you that the night scene of Shanghai and New York look almost alike. It means that nowadays, major cities almost lose their distinct characteristics, which are largely composed by the special traditional culture of certain countries. Nevertheless, the remote area and rural countrysides, far away from the major modern cities, still keep pristine and original. A nation's cultural traditions are primarily preserved and generated in these remote and pure areas instead of major cities.

这一段似乎是在否定reason  指出文化传统是在 remote and pure areas 这个词组本身表达有问题
而且你这样说似乎和前面支持claim的观点脱节了
claim和reason虽然是分开两句话但基本上还是一个整体的观点  既然文化不在城市那么是不是要向边远地区投资呢

Besides, the reason of the governmental financial support for major cities is not because they are the places which preserve the traditional culture, but because they are the economical and political center of a certain country. In order to keep the government operating efficiently and keep the economy running optimally, government can invest financial support to improve many aspects related to the politics and economy in major cities. For example, investing financial support in the development of infrastructure, such as public transportation, is conducive to promoting the communication and transmission of commodity and information become more rapid and efficient . What’s more, investing financial support to promote the creation of modern atmosphere, such as the wide covering of the Internet, is helpful for individuals and organizations in big cities work and operate in higher efficiency. As a result, it is because of the important economical and political functions of major cities that government invest financial support in them, rather than because major cities preserve traditional cultures.

这里提出了支持主要城市的另一个理由和第二段是不是应该放在相邻的位置

In sum, I fundamentally consent the claim that government must ensure their major cities receive financial support. However, I cast doubt on the reason that it is because major cities primarily preserve and generate cultural tradition. In my opinion, it is the remote areas and rural countrysides that keep the pristine and original culture of certain nations. What’s more, it is because major cities usually act as the symbol of a country that the national government invest financial support in them in order to ensure the efficient operation of politic and economy.

consent the claim 搭配有问题

感觉你目前的观点和思路需要调整  才能更加切合题目的要求

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andalucia
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板凳

发表于 2014-11-7 21:58:20 |只看该作者

帮顶！

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joylee416
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地板

发表于 2014-11-8 19:41:21 |只看该作者

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-7 19:39
topic：5) Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they ...

谢谢老师！
我第一个观点其实是想说因为major city通常是一个国家的现代化标志，比如说Shanghai和New York,所以政府对他们的投资是无可厚非的。
我原来反驳reason的理由是1、major city不是保存传统文化的地方；2、并且政府投资major city不是因为他们保存了传统文化，而是因为他们是政治经济中心。

看了老师的点评真是一语中的啊