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tbs2010
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-1-28 15:25:20 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 tbs2010 于 2010-1-28 16:11 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teacher who is a serious and strict person is more effective than a teacher is humor and is easy going person?

When it comes to the question that whether a teacher who is serious and strict is more effective than a humorous and easy going teacher, different people have different views. Some people may support that a teacher who is strict is more effective, while others, however, would hold the opinion that a teacher with humor is more effective. As far as I am concerned, I advocate the former one, and my arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, one of the main reasons for my propensity is that a teacher who is a serious and strict person will help us develop a good habit for study. With good habits, we can learn more efficient and more effective in the class. Take my teacher Dr. Zhang Yan as an example, he is a serious person and also he is quite strict with us in class. In his class, we have to pay highly attention in order to catch up with his pace without missing any important points. After class, we feel tired, but we all own a sense of satisfaction because we have obtained a huge amount of knowledge during his class. Therefore, as you can see, he is more effective than the teachers who often disturb the class to tell some jokes in order to let us relax.

Furthermore, a strict and serious teacher may have a logical way of thinking, and he or she will do everything in order, which will definitely improve his or her efficiency. For instance, my mother is a teacher, and she is strict with not only me but also her students. She does housework in her order, and she puts the right thing in the right place, which makes everything easy to be found next time when we want to use. Thanks to her orderly arrangement, our work and study becomes quite effective and efficient .More importantly, our time is saved which enable us to do other significant things. Compared with serious and strict teachers, humorous and easy going teachers may not do things in such logical way as my mother does. In conclusion, their characteristics make them less effective than my mother with such strict and serious merits.

To sum up, from what I have discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that serious and strict teachers are more effective than humorous teachers, owning to their good habits, and they can also influence others on having the same merits.

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linuxcodehit
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沙发

发表于 2010-1-28 16:17:49 |只看该作者

这种A/D类的文章，最好要有个让步，我觉得。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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weidarling
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板凳

发表于 2010-1-28 16:22:30 |只看该作者

RE: 独立写作，求改~~

When it comes to the question that whether a teacher who is serious and strict is more effective than a humorous and easy going teacher, different people have different views. Some people may support that a teacher who is strict is more effective, while others, however(while 与however 留一个就可以了~), would hold the opinion that a teacher with humor is more effective. As far as I am concerned, I advocate the former one. And my arguments are presented as the followings.
- Z3 w# M3 `  s! x
" N8 c6 {+ |0 s5 j4 DTo begin with, one of the main reasons for my propensity is that a teacher who is a serious and strict person can help me develop a good habit for study. With good habits（不一致）, we can learn more efficiently and more effectively in class. Taking my teacher Dr. Zhang Yan as an example, he is a serious person and also he is quite strict with us in class. In his class, we have to pay high attention in order to catch up with his pace without missing any important points. After class, we are tired, but we all feel a sense of satisfaction because we have obtained a huge amount of knowledge during his class. Therefore, as you can see, he is more effective than the teachers who often disturb the class to tell some jokes in order to let us relax.
* G! [' g# Y% Z" o
+ w  Q1 G7 A1 q1 ?: f  LFurthermore, a strict and serious teacher may have a logical way of thinking, and he or she will do everything in order, which will definitely improve his or her efficiency. For instance, my mother is a teacher, and she is strict with not only me but also her students. She does housework in her order, and she puts the right thing in the right place, which makes everything easy to be found next time when we want to use. Thanks to her orderly arrangement, our work and study becomes quite effective and efficient .More importantly, our time is saved which enable us to do other significant things. Compared with serious and strict teachers, humorous and easy going teachers may not do things in such logical way as my mother does. In conclusion, their characteristics make them less effective than my mother with such strict and serious merits.
5 g0 y2 G. C' K! B
  |" X! U3 b0 c5 PTo sum up, from what I have discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that serious and strict teachers are more effective than humorous teachers, owning to their good habits, and they can also influence others on having the same merits.
就改了前一段……都是我个人的意见。我觉得文章首段的模板太严重。可以才尝试修改一下。另外注意下词性。整体来说我觉得挺好的。例子举得挺有托福的风格的。加油~~~

遇见你们是我最大的幸运

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tbs2010
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地板

发表于 2010-1-29 10:28:39 |只看该作者

呵呵，我也赞同，不过我打字太慢，没时间，就匆匆结尾了～ 2# linuxcodehit

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tbs2010
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5楼

发表于 2010-1-29 10:30:33 |只看该作者

谢谢你帮我改的啊～～31号就上战场了，可惜还是写的跟小学生作文似的，没办法，硬着头皮上了，呵呵！你也考么？加油啊！ 3# weidarling

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mpromanus
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6楼

发表于 2010-1-30 19:54:04 |只看该作者

简单看了一下，语法方面请注意单复数，尤其是第三人称单数的动词。。议论方面我觉得你的想法都很好，写法上也很成熟，但要扣住more effective来写的话，最好不要停留在不同性格的老师做什么就引申出他们是否effective 这种直接一步的描写上。老师是什么性格，和他们是否effective，这中间的逻辑不一定全部都是一步到位的，在有必要的地方做出正确的多步推演，可以让你的逻辑更清晰更有说服力。

具体的如第一个论点，你说严格的老师上课讲得很多，你学到很多，所以严格的老师effective，这是对的，但你最后结论本段的时候说的是他比上课讲笑话的老师effective - 难道上课讲笑话的老师就一定比上课拼命讲课的老师讲得少吗？如果一个老师上课讲笑话，但是不讲笑话的时候讲得比严格的老师更快，你觉得总体起来一定还是严格的老师讲得比较多吗？在这里就是说你结论的时候，写了一下不严格的老师上课做什么，然后就直接结论了。但是到底是什么让他们不如严格的老师effective这一点，并不一定是因为他们上课讲笑话直接造成的，而是因为他们上课讲笑话造成没时间讲别的，或者让学生没时间听别的，这样间接造成的。你用了disturb一词是有些用的，但是这个间接的逻辑做得并不是很明显，所以这个中间一环还可以再清晰一些，就让人没有反驳的空间了。

第二个论点很好。:)

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