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无与伦比小茉莉
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-10-9 18:11:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Parents find it hard to control their children for the children are now inf luenced by many things outside home like television or movie. 070616

As the society develop amazingly, many new kinds of entertainment have arises which makes people broaden their life, such as television, movies, and Internet. The relationship between people has also changed amazingly. People seem to become closer with people in a very far distance, but seems remote with people nearby. So did the relationship between parents and children. It’s not the age that parents can stay at home and look after what their children is doing. Children have a broaden view and social net- work than children before. In my point of view, parents should let children take care of themselves.

First, children who take part in many social act ivies are more brilliant than student stay at home. Researches have found that children who take part in a variety of school activities show a high score on leading ability and time management, they are also more confident speaking in public. As we known that we are now living in a complex community, knowing how to communicate with others will help us better to success. In addition, we will facing many problems and difficulties in our whole life, knowing how to deal with complex situations and be confident in solving them is very important. If parents have too much control on what their children is doing, the children may be afraid to attend social activities, therefore lead to a shortage on social communication.

Secondly, children need to be independent and learn how to live their own life. There is one saying that, "In a parents eyes, their child is always a child" . Parents usually take too much care on their children and ignore the fact that their children have already grown up. They need to learn how to be independent and building their own life.

But we shouldn't push things to the extreme; parents are always wiser in their life experiences and their always think good for their children. Parents can check their children's school behavior to ensure that their children didn't join some bad communities and didn't do well on school.

In my opinion, a bird can only learn how to fly when it flies itself. So does a child. Only do a children know how to deal with their own life can they become mature and success.

第一次写　大家请狠批

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jessamine_ysq
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沙发

发表于 2010-10-10 09:46:27 |只看该作者

1009独立修改by 西子霓裳飞
As the society develop amazingly, many new kinds of entertainment have arises which makes people broaden their life, such as television, movies, and Internet. The relationship between people has also changed amazingly. People seem to become closer with people in a very far distance, but seems remote with people nearby. So did the relationship between parents and children. It’s not the age that parents can stay at home and look after what their children is doing. Children now have a broaden view and social net- work than children before. In my point of view, parents should let children take care of themselves.
* N% Y) d, z( ]
6 Q* D  D% U; t* s$ r% }8 oFirst, children who take part in many social activies are more brilliant than student staying at home. Researches have found that children who take part in a variety of school activities show a high score in leading ability and time management, and they are also more confident in speaking in public. As we known that we are now living in a complex community, knowing how to communicate with others will help us better to succeed. In addition, we will face many problems and difficulties in our whole life, knowing how to deal with complex situations and be confident in solving them is very important. If parents have too much control on what their children is doing, the children may be afraid to attend social activities, therefore lead to a shortage on social communication.' T, W% T- _  _' M8 c! ^+ t0 P( a+ C

1 `) z! I- G, Y9 X' `% ESecondly, children need to be independent and learn how to live their own life. There is one saying that, "In a parents eyes, their child is always a child" . Parents usually take too much care on their children and ignore the fact that their children have already grown up. They need to learn how to be independent and building their own life.+ Z5 [9 U- W) u5 a+ M8 h6 j

+ P5 F. f3 Y4 A% \+ {/ {; U0 @" a  s  [& nBut we shouldn't push things to the extreme; parents are always wiser in their life experiences and their always think good for their children. Parents can check their children's school behavior to ensure that their children didn't join some bad communities and didn't do well on school.
! ]- l4 F; x0 n! }1 i% b
4 _/ L6 V3 d  ^$ ]In my opinion, a bird can only learn how to fly when it flies itself. So does a child. Only do a children know how to deal with their own life can they become mature and success.

蓝色的是单复数和时态的错位，没有改；红色的是改过的一些语法错误。

加油啊~~~. j$ W2 p3 T' R' @

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searainbow
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板凳

发表于 2010-10-10 11:10:05 |只看该作者

As the society develops at fast pace, numerous new kinds of entertainment have arisen which makes people broaden their eyeviews, such as television, movies, and Internet. The relationship between people has also changed amazingly(前面已经有AMIZINGLY，这里又用一次给人感觉词汇比较缺乏，所以上面那个我改了一下). People seem to become closer with people in a very far distance, but seems去掉 remote with people nearby. So does the relationship between parents and children. It’s not the age when parents can stay at home and look after(此次语法明显不通，不太明白你要表达的意思，怎么是照顾孩子在干什么呢。。。) what their children are doing. Children have a broaden（这是动词） view and social net- work than（有THAN，但是前面没有比较级） children before. In my point of view, parents should let children take care of themselves.（第一段有点过于复杂，其实很多范文是直接点题来着的，个人意见，建议精简一下为好）: [( J0 d1 P# @: R+ @First, children who take part in many social activies are more brilliant than their counterparts staying at home. Researches have found that children who participate in a variety of school activities show a high potential on leader ability and time management, they are also more confident in speaking before public. As known that we are now living in a complex community, knowing how to communicate with others will help us better to 去掉 success. In addition, we will be faced(facing一般指主动面对，包括比较好的事情，但是BE FACED WITH 一般指比较悲观的事情，如困难难题等） many problems and difficulties in our whole life, (两个句子，没有任何连词，严重语法错误，)which means that knowing how to deal with complex situations and being confident in solving them are quite (or extremely总有VERY真的很单调) important. If parents have too much control on what their children is doing, the children may be afraid to attend social activities, thereby leading to a shortage of social communication.7 A; [4 N" }$ _# i3 p+ Y; [" d6 h a" YSecondly, children need to be independent and learn how to live their own life(on their own). There is one saying that, "In parents' eyes, their child is always a child" . Parents usually take too much care on their children and ignore the fact that their children have already grown up. They need to learn how to be independent and build their own life.5 q" ^ i, ]' h. m7 o' }But we shouldn't push things to the extreme extent; parents are always wiser in their life experiences and they always think for their children. Parents can check their children's school behavior to ensure that their children do not(TOEFL这种考试还是不要缩写比较好) join some bad communities and performance badly on school.In my opinion, a bird can only learn how to fly when it flies itself. So does a child. Only do a children know how to deal with their own life can they become mature and success.总结：我觉得我拍得狠了点。。。。不好意思，不过作文中语法问题还是蛮严重的，建议每次写完后好好研究一下，然后最好进行同义词替换，否则单词量显得溃乏。

有些单词我给你做了替换，但是在WORD里改完了。。好像在这里显示不出来，建议你和原来对照一下

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