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[作文] wuhy08的作文贴。。。 [复制链接]

wuhy08
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-3-24 20:08:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

嗯。。。开个贴占个位，以后就在这里写作文了！希望自己复议顺利。我4月9号考作文哦~~~

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wuhy08
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沙发

发表于 2011-3-24 22:25:38 |只看该作者

Somebody loves traveling, and they spend what they can spend to set their footprints around the world. However, in my point of view, without a base of a stable life, it is a risk to spend money on traveling.

As the future cannot be foreseen, people may suffer a bad disease. If all money are spent on traveling, the cost of curing him or her may not be afforded. So instead of traveling, it is better to buy a insurance for health. It is true that the insurance may not be used due to the health one owns, it can reduce the risk of suffering the lack of money when misfortune takes place on him or her. Take my classmate in my primary school as an example. He was so strong that it was unbelievable when the news that he got cancer was spread into our ears. What was worse, he did not buy the health insurance which was recommended by our school. The insurance cost only 50 Yuan, while their family had to spend nearly 200,000 Yuan for his treatment. Finally, he was dead, leaving a debt to his parents.

What's more, spending money on traveling means an unstable style of life. A house is the harbor of a man when he feels tired or frustrated. If one spend money on traveling, they may not have enough money to buy a house to live in. Then when he or she grows old, when he or she have no aspiration to see the world, he or she has no place to live for the rest life. Even if he or she can afford a house, he or she has no time to live there. The problem will be more severe if he or she got married. I have a friend who likes to travel. He would spend half of his salary to go outside. It is admitted that he had a lot of fun during the experience. But because of the overspend, he could not afford the house price of Beijing and had to return his hometown without any chance to travel. What a pity!

In sum, to spend money on the future can give people more safety than on traveling. However, if the life is stable enough, to travel is a good thing to enrich one’s life. So never forget that future is important, not only to oneself, but also to everyone who cares about him or her.

写得太仓促了。。。谢谢同组好心人~~~

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凉言
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板凳

发表于 2011-3-24 23:46:34 |只看该作者

本帖最后由凉言于 2011-3-24 23:48 编辑

悲剧，貌似不能上传附件。。。第一次改作文，自己水平很水- -
改出来的德行请见谅

Somebody loves traveling, and they spend what they can spend(去掉spend吧，然后前面主谓不一致) to set their footprints around the world（这个用法没见过但还是觉得怪怪的。。感觉set后面少具体位置set…in different counties around the world?）. However, in
(改成from) my point of view, without a base of a stable life, it is a risk to spend money on traveling.

As the future cannot be foreseen, people may suffer a bad disease. If all money are
spent on traveling, the cost of curing him or her may not be afforded. So instead of traveling, it is better to buy a insurance for health. It is true that the insurance may not be used due to the health one owns, （加个but吧）it can reduce the risk of suffering the lack of money when misfortune takes place on him or her. Take my classmate in my primary school as an example. He was so strong that it was unbelievable when the news that he got cancer was spread into our ears（这个用法是不是错了？heard by us）. What was worse, he did not buy the health insurance which was recommended by our school. The insurance cost only 50 Yuan, while their family had to spend nearly 200,000 Yuan for his treatment. Finally, he was dead, leaving a debt to his parents.（买保险的例子跟为未来存钱好像有点偏）

What's more, spending money on traveling means an unstable style of life. A house is the harbor of a man when he feels tired or frustrated. If one spend（spends）money on traveling, they
may not have enough money to buy a house to live in. Then when he or she grows old, when he or she have（has）no aspiration to see the world, he or she has no place to live for the rest life. Even if he or she can afford a house, he or she has no time to live there. The problem will be more severe if he or she got married. I have a friend who likes to travel. He would spend half of his salary to go outside. It is admitted that he had a lot of fun during the experience. But because of the overspend, he could not afford the house price of（afford后面直接加sth吧，改成a house of会不会好点？）Beijing and had to return（加to）his hometown without any chance to travel. What a pity!

In sum, to spend money on the future can give people more safety than（加that）on traveling. However, if the life is stable enough, to travel is a good thing to enrich one’s life. So never forget that future is important, not only to oneself, but also to everyone who cares about him or her.

整体挺流畅的，语言用词挺好的，例子也很细节具体。但是一些主谓单复的小错误要注意，可能没检查吧。
考试加油！

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wuhy08
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地板

发表于 2011-3-25 22:23:29 |只看该作者

To enhance life quality of citizens, governments have to face a lot of challenges, such as poverty, unemployment, raising price of goods, education, health, environment and so on. Mentioned health care and environment, some people points out that health care is more important than the other one. However, in my opinion, government should spare more effort on environment issues.

With the development of humans, the environment is deadly harmed. The earth of 5 million years ago was not like what it is today. The air and the water was much cleaner. Because of humans’ activities, plenty of plants and animals became extinct. If this condition continues, the earth may not be appropriate for creatures to live in. In another word, the earth will be destroyed. Therefore, the government should do what it can to help to protect the environment. It can develop public transportation to decrease the use of private cars, which produce carbon dioxide and other polluting gas. Limit of vehicles also reduces the consumption of petro, which may be used up in fifty years. Then the environment will be improved and citizens will enjoy a cleaner life.

What's more, solving the environment problem will reduce the risk of humans' getting sick. Some diseases do happen because of the environment problem. When trees are cut down, sand will be blowed up in to the air. And when humans breathe, they may breathe in some sand, causing severe disease. These diseases may be very hard to heal. Even though the governments have enough money to help patients afford the treatment, is it easier and better to solve the environment problem to prevent them from suffering the disease? So if government makes effort to solve the environment problem, less people will get disease, and health care may seems not so much important.

To improve the environment is also beneficial to the next generations. If the environment is harmed, our posterity may have to suffer it. But if we try our best to fix it, they will get better life.

In sum, to improve the environment is vital to the life quality of humans, because the environment problem can cause derivative problems. Less environment problems, more happiness of life.

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伶女
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5楼

发表于 2011-3-26 13:14:26 |只看该作者

To enhance life quality(living standard) of citizens, governments have to face a lot of challenges, such as poverty, unemployment, raising price of goods, education, health, environment and so on. Mentioned health care and environment, some people points out that health care is more important than the other one(删除). However, in my opinion, government should spare more effort on environment issues.4 c2 k5 ^. X7 `" a/ g

With the development of humans(industry and technology), the environment is deadly harmed. The earth of 5 million years ago was not like what it is today. The air and the water was much cleaner. Because of humans’ activities(anthropogenic factoers), plenty of plants and animals became extinct. If this condition continues, the earth may not be appropriate for creatures to live in. In an(去掉)other word, the earth will be destroyed. Therefore, the government should do what it can(take extraordinary effort) to help to protect the environment. It can develop public transportation to decrease the use of private cars, which produce carbon dioxide and other polluting gas. Limit of vehicles also reduces the consumption of petro, which may be used up in fifty years. Then the environment will be improved and citizens will enjoy a cleaner life.

What's more, solving the environment problem will reduce the risk of humans' getting sick. Some diseases do happen because of the environment problem. When trees are cut down, sand will be blowed up in to the air. And when humans breathe, they may breathe in some sand, causing severe disease. These diseases may be very hard to heal. Even though the governments have enough money to help patients afford the treatment, is it easier and better to solve the environment problem to prevent them from suffering the disease?(为什么要用问句) So if government makes effort to solve the environment problem, less people will get disease, and health care may seems not so much important（不能这样说，应该说health问题没有以前严重了）.
W% |2 O/ a% h
To improve the environment is also beneficial to the next generations. If the environment is harmed, our posterity may have to suffer it. But if we try our best to fix it, they will get better life.（support health problem 也可以说有利于子孙后代，这个论点不够完善，可以删去）
\. t. x2 v- @
In sum, to improve the environment is vital to the life quality of humans, because the environment problem can cause derivative problems. Less environment problems, more happiness of life.

前两个论点还可以，论证还可以再深入。语言方面有点不地道，已标出。短句很多，建议适当使用从句。

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