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sophie-zy
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-2-28 22:20:36 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

2011-2-28
Issue 138 Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress.

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cecyleyueyue	+ 1	加油哇再难也要坚持总会看到胜利的曙光！

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照无眠
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沙发

发表于 2011-3-1 14:07:19 |只看该作者

改好了~

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sophie-zy
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板凳

发表于 2011-3-1 14:48:22 |只看该作者

2# 照无眠
非常感谢啦！！你的修改对我很有启发，我的TS总是不是很明确………………说话罗里罗嗦的…………
我的思路是：1. 承认错误对科学发现和人类进步有促进作用
2. 错误能对发现和进步有作用的关键因素是人们对待错误的态度（最后我总结的是对错误的态度应该是勇敢承认，并且及时采取行动）
3. 反驳题目中“只有错误”能带来发现和进步。我认为除了个人因素，比如努力工作，好奇心，学习和阅读等可以带来发现与进步，社会环境也是影响这一结果的重要因素。

不知这第三条是否有些跑题？

总之非常感谢哈！真的很有帮助！

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sophie-zy
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地板

发表于 2011-3-1 19:03:49 |只看该作者

2011-3-1 作业
Argument 188

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照无眠
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5楼

发表于 2011-3-1 21:27:01 |只看该作者

2# 照无眠
非常感谢啦！！你的修改对我很有启发，我的TS总是不是很明确………………说话罗里罗嗦的…………
我的思路是：1. 承认错误对科学发现和人类进步有促进作用
2. 错误能对发现和进步有 ...
sophie-zy 发表于 2011-3-1 14:48

你的修改也是哈，自己看自己的作文，除了觉得恶心以外，找不出太实质的问题，呵呵，惯性了~
看见admittedly就想起小宝老师的充满磁性的声音，呵呵~

其实你看这样好不~我们都在对方意见的基础上再改改，然后改好了再互相看看，问题都解决了没，还有没有别的问题出现，ok？
在Q群里加一下我吧~

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guiyujuan
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6楼

发表于 2011-3-2 01:46:12 |只看该作者

不好意思，晚了点，Issue 138的修改
等级太低，传不了附件，直接贴上来了~~

单词拼错未作出修改~~修改重点在语法和句子、篇章结构上~~
2011-2-28
WORD: 695

ISSUE138: ONLY THROUGH MISTAKES CAN THERE BE DISCOVERY OR PROGRESS
For a long time, "Faliure is the mother of success" has encouraged large amount of "losers" to strive for their dreams and many of them really did it. Also, one of the learning theories（加上the）, namely trial-and-error, believes that the way people could learn is to experience mistakes.  Thus, not only popular saying but also sytemetic theory indicate the positive role of mistakes in the process of discovery or progress. However, is it equivalent to the statement that making mistakes is the only way to advance? No. I maintain that many factors and methods involved in the final results.（这句话可以变的华丽点）
Admitedly, numerous cases covering both west and east, ancient and contemproray times could prove errors do accelerate advances. One of the most popolar example is Thomas Edision, a well-known American inventor and scientist. After hundred even thousand times trying and mistaking, he
successfully found the proper filament namely carbonize bamboo.（这里我把一个句子断成了两个，原先的不通）
Owing to the mistakes, he improved the lasting time of light bomb greatly and benefited to the world until nowadays. （这句话不清楚，因为and前后的内容主语都是he，前半句说爱迪生改善了灯泡，后半句应该说这个成果对世界有益） Furhtermore(furthermore), others' mistakes also stimulate human being move（语法，应该用moving）
foreward. Li Shizhen, a great Chinese herbologist and acupuncturist, his book named Compendium of Materia Medica is credited for its proper classification of herb components. （有两个主语？Li Shizhen vs his book）However, his twenty-seven years hard work was originated from the finding of others' faults in the published herb books.（这句话和上一句应该是果-因关系，没有构成转折） Therefore, if without the disorder, mistakes and comflict information in most published medical books at that time（这句话只有主语，没太看懂）, it may hardly intrigue him to  write such a book to remend them and leave the treasure of traditional Chinese Medicine. （没看懂）
Just as Johann Wolfgang Goethe, a German poet and dramatist, says that " Men errs so long as he strives," however, not everyone who commit mistakes could finally achieve their goals or realize their dreams. Why? （这个觉得可要可不要）As far as I am concerned, the reason why mistakes encourage achievement or progress is not mistakes themselves, but  the attitude we hold toward them.  Recalling to the experience of ourselves, we may easily find that there are more or less mistakes and regrets. Take my procrastination for example, when I was in university I always put out（put out 貌似没有推后的意思，put back表示推后） my assignments and completed them vexedly before the day of deadline. Few of times I missed the deadline and then I made a decision to change this habit. Unfortunately, I did not take this seriously although I really worried about it. Untill one day, due to my procrastination I could not finish my application to the graduate school. This terrible experience teaches me a valuable lesson: I have to admit and change my mistakes with courage and perseverance. （这一段个人例子有点长）Most of times（most of time）, we often find excuses for our faults or complain others and environment, to large extent this block our way to correct it and stuck in the circle of repeating the same mistakes.（this指前文说的不良态度，“and”后面的部分主语应该是“we”，不是this）
Thus, in order to make progress through mistakes, the most important thing we can do is introspect profoundly and take action immediately.（语法，在is 后加“to”）
What is more, the way which could lead to new findings like（语法，likes） a spectrum embodys various of factors, such as  hard-working, curiosity, learning and reading. （这里作者是想用比喻吧，但such as 后面的举例应该要和前面的内容相关联，即和a spectrum embodys various of factors 相关）However, apart from individual's qualities and experience, a more crucial factor influenced the pace of development is social surroundings. We human beings are social animals, effected by the values and restained by social regulations, moral standards and laws. In ancient times, people eked out a living（觉得加上“a living”意思会清楚些） in severe natural disasters and attacks. They were struggling to hold their own, thus it sounds unbelievable for our  ancestors  to invent computers and cell phones. However, in modern society, it is not uncommon to use IPHONE, Twitter, Facebook to communicate with people who live in the other side of the world. Such advances attributes to（用被动，are attributed to ） not only the intelligent inventors, but also（前面加上not only） our rapidly developed society. Thus even if ten thousands of  Steve Palu Jobs, one of the founder of Apple, live in the starving and dangerous society, it is yet hard to lead the fashion of high technics.
Consequently, based on the analysis mentioned above, I agree with the statement that mistakes could result in progress, however, I could not accept that it is the only way. （文章的结构：
让步：犯错的确有利于推动发现和进步——原因不单是错误，还有我们对待错误的态度——还有社会环境的原因
在结尾处作者可以再加一句话兜回文章的结构和主题）
首先感谢忍着眼睛痛看完这篇啰嗦的改正的作者！！以上是我的个人见解，有不足的地方我们再交流哈~~

另外，建议在写的时候多注意句子的主语和谓宾之间是否一致及相关联~~

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sophie-zy
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7楼

发表于 2011-3-2 13:34:20 |只看该作者

5# 照无眠
呵呵~好的~今晚加你~

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8楼

发表于 2011-3-2 14:20:59 |只看该作者

6# guiyujuan

嗯哪！非常感谢！我确实在语言上有很大不足………………有时想写长一点复杂一点的句子，但总写不对…………多谢细致的修改！:)

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zerr
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9楼

发表于 2011-3-2 16:03:42 |只看该作者

Accordingto a depicted
contrastive research on menand women who were suffering the pain after wisdom teeth extracted, theargument concludes that women should be prescribed kappa opioids(KO) wheneverthey need pain medication. On the other hand, men are ought to begiven other pain medication. Furthermore, the arguer also calls for acomprehensive reevaluation of all medication. This conclusion seemsgrounded and enlightened at first glance, however,the one-side analysis and improper extending the scope of the result ofthe reseach have weakened the soundness of its conclusion.
First, itis inappropriate to measure the efficiency of KO only through self-reportfeeling of pain and the lasting time. In this research, women who used KO feltmuch less pain than men and the easing time lasted considerablely longer. Tosome extent, it could prove the good effects of KO, however, the agurmentneglected the inherent difference between 28 men and 20 women, such as age,initial physical condition, enduring ability and reporting preference, and thus (thus 不是连词) it may lead to afalse understanding of KO’s effects. For instance, if 28 men are mostconsisted of old men with poor health condition, whereas the majority of20 women are young ladies, thus the final result may beinfluenced by their age, rather than the gender.Thus the research result
is not enough to support the conclusion thatKO has different effects on men and women. Even if KO do have a good effect onhealing pain of women, we also have to take the side effect, anaphylacticreaction and other factors into account when judging whether KO is favorable towomen as well as men or not. Hence, concluding KO has a better effect on womenis premature.

Considering thecomplexity of pains, such as the different levels, various mechanism, itis unreasonable to extend the research result of KO to all kinds of pains. Theresearch only examines the effects of KO in healing the pain caused by wisdomteeth extracted. However, what about other pains, such as headache, the pain due topost-surgery, cancer, tumor? We hardly know the answer simply through theevidence presented in the argument. Many possibilities may occur: KO is onlyeffective in one kind of pain or some specific kinds of pains, orjust slight pains; KO would be adopted in all pains. Thus, considering all theprobable situations, the conclusion that doctors should prescribe KO to womenwhenever pain medication is required is ungrounded.
The lastbut not the least, based on the possible distinctions of KO in healing men andwomen, making the conclusion that researchers should reevaluate the effects ofall medication on men versus women is improper. The reasons are as follows:on one hand, KO is just one of the painkillers, the result of KO will not necessarysuit for other painkills; on the other hand, the report only suggests thatdoctors should consider the difference when men and women experience pains, butnot mentions other situation. What is more, it will cost colossal sum of moneyand human resources to measure the effects of all medication on men and women.Thus, reevaluating all the medication is a waste of resource and unnecessary. (这段的论证我不太同意：一方面正因为KO的结论不适用于其他药，我们才需要对其他药进行测试；另一方面没有提其他情况不代表没有必要考虑这种区别；而且药物对人的影响关系到整个人类的健康，绝对是值得花费人力物力去研究的。)
In sum, theargument may provide a fresh insight into prescribing painkillers, however, asthe fallacies pointed above, it needs further research to confirm theconclusion.

整体的论证很好，大的错误找的很全面，对最后的错误的理解可以讨论一下。
逻辑副词和逻辑连词都用的很好，句子很长。有个别的小错误，需要适当注意一下。
最后的总结可以适当的给出一些建议。
可能有些颜色显示不出来，可以晚上给你word文档。

when r we leaving?

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sophie-zy
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10楼

发表于 2011-3-3 13:20:57 |只看该作者

I112
2011-3-2 作业

不好意思，交晚了哈……
好艰难啊…………呜呜呜……

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坚韧杀神
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11楼

发表于 2011-3-3 23:09:24 |只看该作者

A188 抱歉偶没有注意到群里的聊天记录，改了28号那天的小组写的文章。。见谅见谅。。。。:L
According to depict a compared research on men and women who were suffering the pain after wisdom teeth extracted, the argument concludes that women should be prescribed kappa opioids(KO) whenever they needed pain medication. On the other hand, men are ought to be given other pain medication. Furthermore, the arguer also calls for a comprehensive reevaluation of all medication. This conclusion seems grounded and enlightened at first glance, however, the one-side analysis and improper extending the scope of reseach result have weakened the soundness of its conclusion. (非常经典的开头楼主argu原文的同义复述句式多变，令人佩服！)
First, it is inappropriate to measure the efficiency of KO only through self-report feeling of pain and the lasting time. In this research, women who used KO felt much less pain than men and the erasing time lasted considerablely longer. To some extent, it could prove the good effects of KO, however, the argument neglected the inherent difference between 28 men and 20 women, such as age, initial physical condition, enduring ability and reporting preference, thus it may lead to a false understanding of KO’s effects. For instance, if 28 men were most consisted of old men with poor health condition, whereas majority of 20 women were young lady, thus the final result may be influenced by their age, rather than the gender.Thus the research result is not enough to support the conclusion that KO has different effects on men and women. Even if KO do have a good effect on healing pain of women, we also have to take the side effect, anaphylactic reaction and other factors into account when judging whether KO is favorable to women as well as men or not. Hence, concluding KO has a better effect on women is premature. 这段的让步攻击非常漂亮，可看出楼主的功力。唯一一点不足我想是本段首句强调患者口述疼痛持续时间是不可靠的。然而后文对此做更进一步的论述，转而谈论样本间的其他差异。我想楼主可试着从心理、语言等方面就口述症状的不可靠性做一进一步论述。此外有些许拼写错误我亦直接改过了。
As the complexity of pains, such as the different levels, various mechanism, it is unreasonable to extend the research result of KO to all kinds of pains. The research only examines the effects of KO in healing the pain caused by wisdom teeth extracted. However, what about other pains, such as headache, pain due to post-surgery, cancer, tumor? We hardly know the answer simply through the evidence presented in the argument. Many possibilities may occur: KO only effective in one pain or some specific pains, or just slight pains; KO would be adopted in all pains. Thus, considering all the probable situations, the conclusion that doctors should prescribe KO to women whenever pain medication is required is ungrounded. 指出KO存在使适用范围问题
The last but not the least, based on the possible distinctions of KO in healing men and women, making the conclusion that researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medication on men versus women is improper.（这句话建议改成it is improper 句式显得更自然） The reasons as follows: on one hand, KO is just one of the painkillers, the result of KO will not necessary suit for other painkills; on the other hand, the report only suggests that doctors should consider the difference when men and women experience pains, but not mentions other situation. What is more, it will cost colossal sum of money and human resources to measure the effects of all medication on men and women. Thus, reevaluating all the medication is a waste of resource and unnecessary. 指出扩大调查范围的不必要性
In sum, the argument may provide a fresh insight into prescribing painkillers, however, as the fallacies pointed above, it needs further research to confirm the conclusion. 结尾简洁明了，我想楼主可以也进一步的指出哪些further research
楼主此文可说是非常精彩！就总体而言，对错误的攻击能够做到多角度全方位，并且在攻击时还使用了具体实例。就细节而言，不管是句式还是用词都显示出了娴熟的的语言驾驭。
不知您是否已经有了比较成熟的模板？我想在假以时日楼主的Argu定能达到5以上!

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sophie-zy
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12楼

发表于 2011-3-4 00:07:12 |只看该作者

2011-3-3 作业
Argument 53

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sophie-zy
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13楼

发表于 2011-3-4 00:07:51 |只看该作者

11# 坚韧杀神
呵呵~没事没事啦~~谢谢你的鼓励和修改哈~~加油~

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cecyleyueyue
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14楼

发表于 2011-3-4 10:57:59 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 cecyleyueyue 于 2011-3-4 12:42 编辑

A53修改

刚才顺便拜读了一下你的I112 觉得写得非常好语言很清楚流畅学到很多好表达逻辑上第三个分论点惊艳啊跳出来说reasoning的limits 如果你有兴趣也来帮我看看那篇吧给点修改和建议嘿嘿
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... age=1#pid1774889282

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2012 Fall - PR

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