[a习作temp] argument 28.第一次发，求拍。请各位高人指教。谢谢！ [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-3-28 22:02:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument 28
The following is a memo from the superintendent of Mylar school district.
“A recent six-month study, in which breakfast was made available at school for 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelve, found that children on the breakfast plan were less likely than other children to be absent from or late for school. Clearly, eating breakfast before school plays a role in reducing student absenteeism and tardiness. It is also well known that children who regularly eat a healthful breakfast tend to perform better in school. Therefore, in order to reduce absenteeism and tardiness and to improve academic performance in all of Mylar’s elementary and secondary schools, we should provide breakfast for all students before each school day.

The efficient way to shrink absenteeism and tardiness and to improve academic performance in all of Mylar’s elementary and secondary schools is that to provide breakfast for all students before each school day, according to the superintendent. To bolster the superintendent’s viewpoint, the argument relies on a recent six-month study among 100 schoolchildren ranges from five to twelve, which shows that the children on the breakfast plan were less likely to be absent from or late for school, even tend to perform better in school. However, the assertion weakened in few aspects.

To begin with, the 100 sample chosen from schoolchildren ages form five to twelve are unwarranted to support the conclusion of providing breakfast for all elementary and even secondary students. The 100 students may be motive to attend the plan because of they would like to get the free breakfast or they are used to eat breakfast or get up earlier than others. What’s more, the 100 students may be the part of students who always not to be absent from school or perform better in school. The author cannot convince me without displaying how the sample is chosen.

Even if the sample is trustworthy, it cannot supply to the secondary students whom ages range older than twelve. The author falsely equates the elementary students to the secondary students. According to common sense, the secondary students are different from elementary students for all aspects, they are elder and more self –constrict. The lacking evidence cannot assert that the study result can also does work in secondary schools.

Furthermore, even if the survey is acceptable, the author cannot conclude it as the only reason what lead to the notion of absenteeism decreasing. To better analyze the reason why students tend to be absent from or late for and even perform bad in school, the author cannot avow that only can we provide breakfast before each school day that the problem will be solved. Perhaps, Schoolchildren are likely to absent from and late for school as they get so many homework each day that cannot go bed earlier, which leads to the absenteeism and tardiness. Perhaps, children used to be late for school as their habitude of getting up later and eat no breakfast before each day, what the breakfast plan cannot attractive for them.
To summarize, the superintendent’s assertion is unsubstantiated. To boost it, the superintendent should illuminate how the sample be chosen and widen the sample which not only contains the schoolchildren ages five to twelve but also ages older than twelve as a group. Finally, to better evaluate the notion that the program would helpful for the enhancement of absenteeism and academic performance I would like to get more statistics about the reasons why the academic performance low and absenteeism ratio high.

因为始终相信前方有光，所以一路不回头的决绝向前