[a习作temp] 求改argument寫作 [复制链接]

我剛完成了一篇argument寫作，請大家給我點意見。

1
Arecent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer9 times more chronic fatigue and 31 times more chronic depression than dopeople living on the continent of Asia. Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat20 grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phytochemicals called isoflavones, which have been foundto possess disease–preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.

Grounding on the recent study, supposing that isoflavones in soy can possess disease-preventing properties, and then sythesizing two hypothesizes that the rates of chronic fatigue and chronic depression are higher in the North America continent and less North Americans eat soy in regular basis, therefore, the arguer accordingly suggest that daily intake of soy will prevent fatigue and depression. However, a close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it has logical flaw in several aspects.

To begin with, the comparison in this argument is incomplete and selective. The arguer discovers that people live on the continent of Asia eat more soy per day than people live on the continent of North America. First, the arguer has not mention anything about how the data is collected in this study. Since North Americans who do not eat soy in regular basis and Asians who eat soy in regular basis can be chosen to participate in this study, and the results will turn out that Asians eat more soy than North Americans on average. In addition, the aruguer ignores the facts that Asians and North Americans have two completely different dietaries due to the cultural differences. In my opinion, Asians eat more soy in regular basis not because they know the health benefits of soy, it may because that a large quantities of soy beans are produced in Asia which causes soy became a part of Asian’s dietary. Also,some poor Asians eat soy everyday because soy is a lot cheaper than other kinds of foods. Besides that the arguer does not mention that people in Asia are suffering from other types of illnesses that are caused by different diseases. Ifisoflavones are found to posses disease-preventing properties, why isoflavones cannot prevent the occurrences of other illnesses? Apparently the arguer provides incomplete and selective evidences to validate his argument.

Secondly, the arguer has drawn the conclusions based on a hasty generalization. The arguer assumes that chronic fatigue and chronic depression are caused by diseases. In fact,the causes of chronic fatigue and chronic depression are complicated, and the aruguer fails to take into account that other factors may have influences on the occurrences of these illnesses. Chronic fatigue and chronic depression are also well-known as psychological conditions which can be triggered by stressful life style, lose of beloved ones, etc. Therefore,multidisciplinary approaches are often used to determine complex factors that cause chronic fatigue and chronic depression. The arguer falsely generalizes that chronic fatigue and chronic depression are only caused by diseases which shows that the arguer has no depth understandings about chronic fatigue and chronic depression.

Finally, the arguer has failed to established a causal relationship between isoflavones and the occurrences of chronic fatigue and chronic depression. First, even if that isoflavones can possess disease-preventing properties , the arguer tends to assume that isoflavones can prevent all kinds of diseases. Yet the arguer fails to prove this poor assumption because chronic fatigue and chronic depression are also triggered by psychological and environmental factors. Second, the author gives no information about how isoflavones relate to the development of chronic fatigue and chronic depression,and it is quite possible that isoflavones can prevent development of
some diseases other than the diseases that cause chronic fatigue and depression. For that matter, the statement of isoflavones can prevent chronic fatigue and chronic depression is not veraciousat all.

In sum, the conclusion reached in the argument is invalid and misleading. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should demonstratethe causal relationship between isoflavones and the occurrences of chronic fatigue and chronic depression. Moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of this argument until the arguer can provide more information about the rate differences of chrnoic depression and chronic fatigue in North Americans and Asians.

chronic depression

之间的关系，回到题目找定位你会发现，最后一段作者的推测是：

发现问题了吧？

chronic depression，但能否防止fatigue，depression并不知道（作者偷换了概念）

TIP：LZ可以在论证的时候可以适当举几个实例，只是为了反驳作者而已，一个反例足矣，不需要全部都用范例来论证，这样空洞，缺乏说服力。

呃....献丑了