寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托语言类备考版 › TOEFL考试(IBT)讨论版 › sallyremy写作版（独立）7.12

返回列表

查看: 1398|回复: 5

[资料] sallyremy写作版（独立）7.12 [复制链接]

sallyremy
UID: 3120928

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 271
注册时间: 2011-7-3
精华: 0
帖子: 7

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-7-14 02:50:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 sallyremy 于 2011-7-14 02:51 编辑

7.12题目：Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.

赞成：对个人来说，不受时间地域限制，提高工作效率（photographer）

对公司来说，降低办公成本，管理成本，投入产品研发（transaction cost theory）

对社会来说，减轻轨交压力(Shanghai,London,Tokyo)

In the 21st century, the efficiency in office operation is corporations' common goal. They search different ways to finish more work in limited time and space. Requiring some employees to work at home using computers or telephones rather than to work in the office is one of the effective methods to increase operating efficiency. This method will bring benefits to employees, corporations and even the whole society.

Working at home using computers or telephones enable employees to work unconstrained by time and space. Employees can work at any time available in any place. Take newspaper photographer as an example, in order to record the latest happening events with their video camera, they may need to fly abroad or even step into the front in the war. Moreover, the events probably do not happen in office hours. Working at local home or restaurant using computers to handle photos and then sent back is less time-consuming and more convenient than flying back to work in the office to hand in these photos. Therefore, working efficiency is greatly improved.

For the corporations, requiring some employees to work at home using computers or telephones helps to reduce transaction costs of corporations, including managing costs and labour costs. According to Kesidi's transaction cost theory, the larger the scale of corporation, the higher the transaction cost will be. In fact, many work does not have to be done in the office, some work such as telephone selling and data analysis can completely be finished at home as long as the information needed was mailed to employees. Actually, many corporations such as the Pacific Life Insurance Company and Amway Nutrilite Company now are considering and implementing the plan to require more employees to work at home. They make such decision because they benefit from the diminishing transaction costs of corporation, and the saved money can be input into the research and development of products which are more crucial for the corporation's future development.

Finally, if some employees work at home using computers or telephones, it will lessen the burden of society's transportation system. Tourists coming to visit modern cities such as Shanghai, Tokyo and London must be impressed by the congestion in subway when people go to work or come back home. Requiring some employees to work at home can certainly reduce the number of commuters and alleviate traffic crowdedness.

In conclusion, working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office for employees, corporations and the whole society.

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.11.20

回应
0

使用道具举报

hycqy
UID: 2819662

长老三袋

Rank: 10

声望: 1156
寄托币: 46976
注册时间: 2010-5-25
精华: 8
帖子: 4830

沙发

发表于 2011-7-14 17:04:18 |只看该作者

up up 来人帮着改啊

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

应小呆
UID: 3109940

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 9
寄托币: 365
注册时间: 2011-6-19
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2011-7-14 23:04:14 |只看该作者

欢迎你来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-5-1.html

7.12题目：Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.

赞成：对个人来说，不受时间地域限制，提高工作效率（photographer）+ P( H) w" k2 D
+ u# d7 G8 v( t3 A: K
对公司来说，降低办公成本，管理成本，投入产品研发（transaction cost theory）

对社会来说，减轻轨交压力(Shanghai,London,Tokyo)

Z! B7 D x' L: v( Z, g% F: T
In the 21st century, the efficiency in office operation is corporations' common goal. They search different ways to finish more work in limited time and space. Requiring some employees to work at home using computers or telephones rather than to work in the office is one of the effective methods to increase operating efficiency. This method will bring benefits to employees, corporations and even the whole society.
（我超喜欢sally这种开头方式的，没有第二~感觉就是一个稳重沉静的成年女性，不像有些人那么为了突出严谨反而锋芒毕露，感觉很不自然。）

Working at home using computers or telephones enables employees to work unconstrained by time and space. Employees can work at any time available in any place. Take newspaper photographer as an example, in order to record the latest happening events with their video camera, they may need to fly abroad or even step into the front in the war.（别人给我提的建议，但我觉得有点道理，跟你共享哈~做这些工作的记者本来就不怎么需要在办公室工作，所以没有比较对象能证明同样情况下，自由工作更好，而且题目的要求是at home，在家里不可能打仗或者坐飞机==） Moreover, the events probably do not happen in office hours. Working at local home or restaurant using computers to handle photos and then sent back is less time-consuming and more convenient than flying back to work in the office to hand in these photos. Therefore, working efficiency is greatly improved.% t* Z$ i1 V2 P. g+ e ^' F

For the corporations, requiring some employees to work at home using computers or telephones helps to reduce transaction costs of corporations, including managing costs and labour costs. According to Kesidi's transaction cost theory, the larger the scale of corporation, the higher the transaction cost will be. In fact, many work does not have to be done in the office, some work such as telephone selling and data analysis can completely be finished at home as long as the information needed was（为什么用过去时态呢？是有特殊语法吗？） mailed to employees. Actually, many corporations such as the Pacific Life Insurance Company（China Pacific Insurance (Group) Co，我搜到的太平洋保险自己的写法，我不知道和你举得例子是不是一个？） and Amway Nutrilite Company now are considering and implementing the plan to require more employees to work at home. They make such decision because they benefit from the diminishing transaction costs of corporation, and the saved money can be input into the research and development of products which are more crucial for the corporation's future development.

Finally, if some employees work at home using computers or telephones, it will lessen the burden of society's transportation system. Tourists coming to visit modern cities such as Shanghai, Tokyo and London must be impressed by the congestion in subway when people go to work or come back home. Requiring some employees to work at home can certainly reduce the number of commuters and alleviate traffic crowdedness.（这个例子很好哇~）

In conclusion, working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office for employees, corporations and the whole society.

我看到你每次占位子，下面却没有连接，我还以为你木有写，就没有看，罪过罪过。

来而不往非礼也~

使用道具举报

sallyremy
UID: 3120928

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 271
注册时间: 2011-7-3
精华: 0
帖子: 7

地板

发表于 2011-7-14 23:18:53 |只看该作者

2# hycqy

谢谢斑竹帮着招呼嘿~~:handshake

使用道具举报

dadafan
UID: 2659273

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 47
寄托币: 1858
注册时间: 2009-7-1
精华: 0
帖子: 43

5楼

发表于 2011-7-16 01:24:58 |只看该作者

7.12

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

鸟随鸾凤飞得远；
人伴圣贤品德高！

So，常驻GTER

使用道具举报

sallyremy
UID: 3120928

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 271
注册时间: 2011-7-3
精华: 0
帖子: 7

6楼

发表于 2011-7-16 04:41:45 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 sallyremy 于 2011-7-16 04:46 编辑

7.12
dadafan 发表于 2011-7-16 01:24

为了方便整理，只好自己贴过来了

7.12题目：Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.

赞成：对个人来说，不受时间地域限制，提高工作效率（photographer）

对公司来说，降低办公成本，管理成本，投入产品研发（transaction cost theory）

对社会来说，减轻轨交压力(Shanghai,London,Tokyo)

In the 21st century, the efficiency in office operation is corporations' common goal. They search (完成时好) different ways to finish more work in limited time and space. Requiring some employees to work at home using computers or telephones rather than to work in the office is one of the effective methods to increase operating efficiency. This method will bring benefits to employees, corporations and even the whole society.

Working at home using computers or telephones enable employees to work unconstrained by time and space. Employees can work at any time available in any place. Take newspaper photographer as an example, in order to record the latest happening events with their video camera, they may need to fly abroad or even step into the front in the war. Moreover, the events probably do not happen in office hours. Working at local home or restaurant using computers to handle photos and then sent back is less time-consuming and more convenient than flying back to work in the office to hand in these photos. Therefore, working efficiency is greatly improved.（觉得例子不太合适，和home关系不大）

For the corporations, requiring some employees to work at home using computers or telephones helps to reduce transaction costs of corporations, including managing costs and labour costs. According to Kesidi's transaction cost theory, the larger the scale of corporation, the higher the transaction cost will be. In fact, many work does not have to be done in the office, some work such as telephone selling and data analysis can completely be finished at home as long as the information needed was mailed to employees. Actually, many corporations such as the Pacific Life Insurance Company and Amway Nutrilite Company now are considering and implementing the plan to require more employees to work at home. They make such decision because they benefit (already have完成时更好）from the diminishing transaction costs of corporation, and the saved money can be input into the research and development of products which are more crucial for the corporation's future development.（仍然感觉例子不太合适，应该是在办公室和家都能完成的任务，且在家更好才行，而不是不能在办公室完成的工作）

Finally, if some employees work at home using computers or telephones, it will lessen the burden of society's transportation system. Tourists coming to visit modern cities such as Shanghai, Tokyo and London must be impressed by the congestion in subway when people go to work or come back home. Requiring some employees to work at home can certainly reduce the number of commuters and alleviate traffic crowdedness.

In conclusion, working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office for employees, corporations and the whole society.
整体观点不错，就是例子需要更切合一点。

单词再多变换一点，比如employee，不要从头用到尾

使用道具举报