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[a习作temp] 我实在是没辙了,绞尽脑汁,咬牙切齿的完成了我的第一篇 Argument,真的彻底崩溃了 [复制链接]

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楼主
发表于 2011-9-15 20:30:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
1.Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously beenfound only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and thereforewere believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however,archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found.Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluatethe argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


The conclusion that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean seems to be obviously. After all, archaeologists discovered that woven baskets in Lithos, in which across the Brim River from Palea, and they haven't find any boats, which can bring Palean cross the river. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
In the first place, the arguer provided no evidence that the Paleans cannot arrived in Lithos through other means. It maybe some briges across the river, which affore a more convinient ways for people in Palean associate with who in Lithos,so people who live in Lithos can buy woven basket from Palean, and who live in Palean can also bring their baskets to the markets of Lithos. In addition, some other people who have boats may take the Palean basket into their area,and then bring it into Lithos trough trade.
In the second place, there is absolutely no evidence provided that Lithos people can also weave such a basket. Granted that people could have crossed the river only by boat, no Palean boats have been found does not necessarily indicated that Palean haven't boats, which maybe all distroied by many possible reasons sunch as a natrual disaster( flood, fire) or big warfare. On the other side, we cannot conclude thatLithos have no boats from the arguement. Perhaps Lithos people not only excel in producing boats but also be good at broad to other places. Maybe because of geographical factors, Lithos is lack of recourses, why people must purchase goods from palean, they use the "Palean" baskets as container or just buy it for it beautiful appearance.
The argument above is weakened by the fact it does not take into account the differences between current and accient times. It is entirely possible that in the past the Brim River may not be as deep and broad as it is at present. People can easily across it even without any tools. For the easy communication of the two places, probably there are some girls of Palean were married with boys in Lithos, who emigrated from Palean and brought the woven basket out of its original place.
As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. The arguer would have to show that ancient Palean could have crosse the Brim River only by boat. Additionally, to better evaluate the arguments, the author must provide evidence to rule out other possible approach to get woven basket to Lithos from Palean.
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沙发
发表于 2011-9-16 18:40:18 |只看该作者
In the first place, the arguer provided no evidence that the Paleans cannot arrived in Lithos through other means. It maybe some briges across the river, which affore (offer?)a more convinient ways for people in Palean associate with who in Lithos,so people who live in Lithos can buy woven basket from Palean, and who live in Palean can also bring their baskets to the markets of Lithos. (这句感觉有点儿多余,感觉重复了上句的意思,可不可以改为“but with century years,the bridges was damaged thus the archaeologists failed to recognise .”)In addition, some other people(改为some people from other village except from Palea or Lithos) who have boats may take the Palean basket into their area,and then bring it into Lithos trough trade.
In the second place, there is absolutely no evidence provided that Lithos people can also weave such a basket. (这句话LZ的意思是?是想表达Lithos的人也能编篮子吗?结合本段的意思来看,我觉得lz应该是想表达“there is absolutely no evidence the Palea's baskets can not be transported in the argument”)Granted that people could have crossed the river only by boat, no Palean boats have been found does not necessarily indicated that Palean haven't boats,which maybe all distroied(destroyed) by many possible reasons sunch as a natrual disaster( flood, fire) or big warfare. On the other side, we cannot conclude thatLithos have no boats from the arguement. Perhaps Lithos people not only excel in producing boats but also be good at broad to other places. Maybe because of geographical factors, Lithos is lack of recourses, why(when) people must purchase goods from palean, they use the "Palean" baskets as container or just buy it for it beautiful appearance.
The argument above is weakened by the fact it does not take into account the differences between current and accient times. It is entirely possible that in the past the Brim River may not be as deep and broad as it is at present. People can easily across it even without any tools. For the easy communication of the two places, probably there are some girls of Palean were married with boys in Lithos, who emigrated from Palean and brought the woven basket out of its original place.
As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. The arguer would have to show that ancient Palean could have crosse the Brim River only by boat. Additionally, to better evaluate the arguments, the author must provide evidence to rule out other possible approach to get woven basket to Lithos from Palean.
楼主的文章写得好好,跟我比较起来········我能看出来的也就这点点问题了······功力太浅了o(╯□╰)o·····求楼主也帮我修改一下·········10G作文还写得像我这么烂的人桑不起啊····!!!
工科女一枚~~

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板凳
发表于 2011-9-16 18:41:04 |只看该作者
工科女一枚~~

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地板
发表于 2011-9-16 19:21:16 |只看该作者
2# 363452981
首先谢谢你帮我改作文,再来谢谢你的鼓励。我也是10G,我现在都愁死了,这些天出现了食欲不振的情况了,哎。。。。。。

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发表于 2011-9-16 19:24:42 |只看该作者
我也愁死了 ····作文还是如此烂的水平·····
工科女一枚~~

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发表于 2011-9-16 19:32:10 |只看该作者
我是什么都没准备好,单词也没背熟。。。。。。这几天还天天啃单词书,那些单词不管看过多少遍都还是很面生。。。。。。

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RE: 我实在是没辙了,绞尽脑汁,咬牙切齿的完成了我的第一篇 Argument,真的彻底崩溃了 [修改]
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我实在是没辙了,绞尽脑汁,咬牙切齿的完成了我的第一篇 Argument,真的彻底崩溃了
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