[习作点评] ISSUE-1 请求意见 [复制链接]

rixat89
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发表于 2014-4-10 22:51:01 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 rixat89 于 2014-4-10 22:52 编辑

第一次自己动手写，只看了gre作文5.5，请大家帮忙点评一下，您能不能看懂？逻辑怎样？
1) As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

   Sometimes we do love technology more than we love ourselves. They always give us more time to relax, more time to be not occupied. Nevertheless, it does not mean they make us dull, because we are the creators of technology and we are the one who improve them.
   It is evident that technology is booming nowadays. We can solve intricate mathematical equations, send emails overseas with just one click. Moreover, cutting edge machines accomplish high-risk medical operation so successfully that they can challenge the doctors. So it seems that human-mind impeded by technology.
Technology, in fact, is a tool of human-mind. We created them by our hand and mind that this process involves an activity of thinking and creation. After the period of creation, the technology might give rise to new problems - it needs human mind again to solve it. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, founders of the apple corporation, created the first personal computer and several fantastic machines that influence the whole information age. They designed Apple I and II and Mac-the monument of the personal computer age. Every version of PC, nor did they inhibit the creativity of the two young entrepreneur, but stimulate them to find new problems to solve and ameliorate the performance of every new devices. By this way, they reached a level of artist and their machine reached a level of art. So technology is more a catalyzer of the human mind than an inhibitor. We are the creator of them. So both the production of technology and the product produced by humans by using technology involves the human mind-thinking and creating.
      From another aspect everybody utilize high-tech equipment in each corner of the life as a user instead of a creator. We depend on technology, however, it does not mean it surely deteriorate the ability of thinking. Philosophers they might use computers to record their thoughts. Nevertheless the crucial part is produced by the human mind not the machine. It is more reasonable that we depend them just for saving time, energy and money, so that they can make our lives more convenient – give us more time to be reflective.
      Technology, without doubt, needs human mind to improve them. The improvement needs the ability of thinking and creating. So human-mind will be more developed as they accomplish to address problems coming from technologies of each generation.