[优秀习作] issue77 为个人还是社会 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-3-16 22:04:16 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

审题时不够仔细，觉得写的有点浅，希望没跑题。SIGH。

"People today are too individualistic. Instead of pursuing self-centered, separate goals, people need to understand that satisfaction comes from working for the greater good of the family, the community, or society as a whole."

Society consists of numerous individuals. If society is like an ocean, then individuals just like drops of water in the ocean. On the one hand, without drops of water, the ocean will not exist; on the other hand, if a drop of water exists alone and does not combine with other water, it will also be evaporated in short time. Similarly, society and individuals are interdependent. Therefore, working for the greater good of the family, the community or society will bring greater satisfaction for people than working for themselves.

Admittedly, it is important for everyone to have his or her own goal and pursue it independently. Since different people usually have different background, interest, talent and so forth, it is natural for them to pursue different goals. For example, a farmer will dream of great harvest; a researcher will dream of great discoveries; a student will dream of entering a good university; a businessman will dream of great profits. As long as these individual goals do not contravene the law, moral standard and others' benefits, these goals are worth pursuing. By pursuing individual goals, people obtain a sense of success and satisfactory.

However, working for the greater good of the family, the community and society will bring greater satisfaction because once you achieve that goal, many beneficiaries will appreciate your hard work. If you work for your family, you will receive praises and thanks from your wife, parents and children when you succeed. If you work for the community or society, many people will regard you as a hero when you succeed. For example, Abraham Lincoln was regarded one of the greatest presidents in American history. Why? The reason is that he devoted his talent and energy to the whole society and liberated black slaves in the South. If he only though of how to maintain the power for himself, he would not gain such high praises among people.

Although working for the greater good for a community is so important, people are neglecting it in modern society. For one thing, in business field, it is natural for every person to consider his or her own benefits and consider less for the other people. Therefore, many ordinary people are influenced by this trend and put themselves on a higher place than their friend, spouses and colleagues. For another, the media also plays a disgrace role in helping this trend. The media emphasized too much on the goal of individuals, and care little about the benefit of the whole society.

In sum, pursing the benefits for a number of people will bring greater satisfactory than only pursing the benefits for individual. Therefore, the society should educate people to realize this point and make their goals for a great range of people.

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gdhdanny
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沙发

发表于 2004-3-16 22:24:53 |只看该作者

If he only though of -> If he only thought of笔误了
最好用虚拟语气吧。

put themselves on a higher place than their friend, spouses and colleagues. 这个比较的两个成分不一致，than前后都应该是place才对，你说呢？

一看就是老将的文章，嘿嘿。
前面两个body写得蛮好，第三个有点问题。感觉像阅读里比较容易让人不理解的最后一个body，通常是引申和发散，但我个人认为，在aw里最好还是避免这种写法，或者放在前面作为引子，因为毕竟你对于题目的理解和解决方案才应该是行文的重点，你说呢？

There is nothing lost

That may be found

If sought

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DriverEntry
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板凳

发表于 2004-3-16 23:08:15 |只看该作者

多谢 DANNY了，呵呵。我第3个BODY是想引申到当代社会的背景下来谈论这个问题，感觉光分析了现象没给解决方法，是有点容易引起误解。下次一定注意。：）

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莫名N
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地板

发表于 2004-3-16 23:14:22 |只看该作者

"People today are too individualistic. Instead of pursuing self-centered, separate goals, people need to understand that satisfaction comes from working for the greater good of the family, the community, or society as a whole."

Society consists of numerous individuals. If society is like an ocean, then individuals just like drops of water in the ocean. On the one hand, without drops of water, the ocean will not exist; on the other hand, if a drop of water exists alone and does not combine with other water (drops), it will also be evaporated in short time. Similarly, society and individuals are interdependent. Therefore, working for the greater good of the family, the community or society will bring greater satisfaction for people than working for themselves. (开头很好，比喻得不错！)

Admittedly, it is important for everyone to have his or her own goal and pursue it independently. Since different people usually have different background, interest, talent and so forth, it is natural for them to pursue different goals. For example, a farmer will dream of great harvest; a researcher will dream of great discoveries; a student will dream of entering a good university; a businessman will dream of great profits.（我觉得这里都用一般时比用将来时好）As long as these individual goals do not contravene the law (laws), moral standard and others' benefits, these goals are worth pursuing. By pursuing (我觉得achieving比较好) individual goals, people obtain a sense of success and satisfactory （satisfactory是形容词，应该用 satisfaction）.

However, working for the greater good of the family, the community and society will bring greater satisfaction because once you achieve that goal, many beneficiaries will appreciate your hard work. If you work for your family, you will receive praises and thanks from your wife, parents and children when you succeed. If you work for the community or society, many people will regard you as a hero when you succeed. For example, Abraham Lincoln was regarded (as) one of the greatest presidents in American history. Why? The reason is that he devoted his talent and energy to the whole society and liberated black slaves in the South. If he only though (thought) of how to maintain the power for himself, he would not gain such high praises among people.

Although working for the greater good for a community is so important, people are neglecting it in modern society. For one thing, in business field, it is natural for every person to consider his or her own benefits and consider less for the other people.(把and consider less for the other people 改成instead of others比较精炼) Therefore, many ordinary people are influenced by this trend and put themselves on a higher place than their friend (friends), spouses and colleagues. For another, the media also plays a disgrace role in helping this trend. The media emphasized too much on the goal of individuals, and care little about the benefit of the whole society. (觉得这里还可以再添一两句话论证一下的) （我觉得这段论证的有缺陷，不是说不好：P，你可以把in business field换成是人们的私心作祟，因为我觉得如果光讲business field那其他的field就没有这种现象了吗？business field只是一个特例，不能代表所有的，但如果是人的私心，那就是普遍存在的问题了，而不仅仅是一个领域的）

In sum, pursing the benefits for a number of people will bring greater satisfactory than only pursing the benefits for individual. Therefore, the society should educate people to realize this point and make their goals for a great range of people.（最后一段可以再充实一点，在educate上作文章）

文章没有跑题，觉得比以前有进步了：）
很好哦~~继续努力！！

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