[习作点评] Argument 168 习作求血批。 [复制链接]

喵了个咪仔
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2014-11-4 11:12:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

因为作文实在太烂，希望各位作文大神能给我一个全面的分析，真心想把作文写到4分一上。
TOPIC: ARGUMENT168 - Typically, as people age, their bone mass decreases, making them more vulnerable to bone fractures. A recent study concludes that the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. The three-year study followed a group of French women in their eighties who were nursing-home residents. The women were given daily supplements of twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium. In addition, the women participated in a light weightlifting program. After three years, these women showed a much lower rate of hip fractures than is average for their age.
From the letter, the writter suggests that in order to reduce the rate of hip fractures people need to disgest vitaim D and calcuim daily. To bolster this conclusion, the writter cites some facts: (1)a recent study concludes that taking twice the recommendaed dose of vitain D and calcuim daily is the most effective way to lower there risk of fractures,(2)a three-year study shows that a group of French women which were given daily dose of vitain D and calcium and participated in a light weightlifting program risk lower rate of hip fractures. At the first sight, these facts seem undoubtful,but when we careful scrutinize them, none of them is logically incontroversible. As a consequence, the conclusion is unconvincing.
First of all, the writter relies on an assumption that a three-year study can decide a long time result,like 30 years. Although is is totally possible,the writter offers no directly informations to substantiate it. It is very likely that the study's data will turn out to be useless after 5 years and there women will suffer a higher rate of hip fractures. Thus, without ruling out these or other possible explanations, the conclusion isn't reasonable as it stands.
In the second place, admittely, a three-year study may cover the informations we need, the writter still posits that these women can present thole human beings,Nevertheless, it is not necessarily the case. Personally, it is probably that these women can only represent the part of French women and that makes them are different with other contries' hugely. As we know, geographic isolation can make a colossal diffrence on any species.Due to diet and other possible factors is different place to place,these women's result isn't cogent as writter predicted.
Even if these women come from all over the world, the study is still flawn, in case of women can't reflect the situation which men stand.Experience tells us that there is unimagine leap between man and woman. Rationally, man will respont against the way that woman does.People can see it no further than a basketball match. In a court, female players play aganist female players,I have never seen female players play aganist male players in a internetional match.It is because all we know that man and woman is different.
To sum up, the conclusion which the writter mentioned above is not basic on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a reasonable conclusion. To assure us, the writter need take sextual into consideration. Moreover, I will really appreciate it if the writter can provide some evidence which prove these foregoing study is scientific and cogent.

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tesolchina
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沙发

发表于 2014-11-4 11:19:37 |只看该作者

楼主发的好像是 argument 40
赶紧楼主写argument还在用老G的套路
题目要求是
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
你的文章需要回应这个题目

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