[a习作temp] argument求点评回改 [复制链接]

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发表于 2015-8-18 22:19:28 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

原题：The following appeared in a recommendation from the president of Amburg's Chamber of Commerce.

"Last October the city of Belleville installed high-intensity lighting in its central business district, and vandalism there declined within a month. The city of Amburg has recently begun police patrols on bicycles in its business district, but the rate of vandalism there remains constant. We should install high-intensity lighting throughout Amburg, then, because doing so is a more effective way to combat crime. By reducing crime in this way, we can revitalize the declining neighborhoods in our city."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
习作：
The president urged to install high-intensity lighting throughout Amburg,which is adopted by the city of Belleville,to decrease the rate of vandalism and revitalize the declining neighborhoods in Amburg. The president is confident about his recommendation due to the vandalism of Belleville declined and that of Amburg,where there're police patrols,remain constant.However, the recommendation is blemished in several aspects.
First of all, the president made a comparison between the two city, Belleville and Amburg.Then a conclusion is drawn that is a more effective way to combat crime to install high-intensity lighting.Yet it's possible that the rate of vandalism of Belleville is originally much higher than that of Amburg,and it's entirely possible that if Belleville invoke the policy of police patrols,the rate of vandalism would decrease to a lower level.If such evidence is found,the president's recommendation would be weaken since the two city both have adopted only one method.
In the second place,the president just consider one aspect ,that is vandalism rate ,of the issue.Even if installing high-intensity lighting is more effective in inhibiting crime,it might disturb residents in the neighborhood.To strengthen the recommendation,the president should find evidence that the lighting installing wouldn't cause severe side effects.
What's more,Belleville installed high-intensity lighting only in its central business district,but the presidents recommended that lighting be installed throughout Amburg.If we find that actually this is unnecessary and a waste of tax payer's money,the recommendation would be definitely weaken.
Last but not least,the president argued that if crime declines, the decreasing neighborhoods could be revitalized.If evidence is found that residents leave Amburg for other reasons such as intensified lighting,instead of high rate of crime,the president's recommendation would definitely be weaken.
To sum up,the president's recommendation is not reasonable enough,and to strengthen it,evidence should be found that intensified lighting is really better than police patrol in combating crime and wouldn't cause much side effects,mean while necessary and enough to revitalize declining neighborhoods in Amburg.

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