[优秀习作] Issue11 8月上海高频 [复制链接]

xjuic
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楼主

发表于 2004-8-12 23:25:15 |只看该作者

Issue 11 8月上海高频

欢迎指教
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

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The speaker asserts that in order to deal with the world's most persistent social problems,one global unversity should be developed by all nation's support in which students are engaged in solve all of these matters.It is might be temping to agree with the speaker's statement accoring to morden socity situation,more and more persistent social problems involve almost all nations,and should be revolved by the collaboration/cooperation of all nations.However,the speaker overlook some certain actual factors,which result in the proposal to an impossible mission.

Admittedly, there are many considerable merits that developing the global universty.if it is come to reality,we can concerntrate the power from all the participant nations to deal with the persistent social problems.the social problems is so complexed,no one nation can resolve all of them individually without any help or collbaration from the other nation.the university itself is a powerful sign of cooperation of human being,which is demanded by the globalization.In modern society,total different with the past,with the ever-increasing technology,more and more society problems emerge in most nations,such as industrilization,juvenile delinquency,poverty,drug,corruption.each nation attempt to sove these problems by their hard working.In the global university,we can engage the students to support these nation deal with the social problems who come from different nation and have various education back ground.through studying most cases and civilization of the participant nation,the students can give some important advice or methods to the government of the nations

On the other hand,there are two compelling arguments that the speaker overlook certain actual factors.Such gloabal university is just idealism rather than realism.one such argument is that most persistent problems is so hard to be solved easily only with support of the global university in our time.for example,the environment problem,which is the most serious problems that the society have to face.the technology pushes globalization,globalizaiton carrys out industrialization,industrialization produces pollution.all of these matters are the environment problem factors.hwo can we find an effective way to settle it only by one university?other society problems, such as war,poverty,nuclear threats,can not been resolved by some perfect advice or method forever.all of these matters come from the history of human being.it is most be likely that the global university will be bogged into the endless debatesof too many ideas, and nothing will be carried out.

Another argument against the speaker's statement is that how much finacial ability of the participant nations can afford for the development of the global university.money is always a sensitive factor for the actual project.it is impossible that there is one clear finacial sponsor standard for all the participant.as the current international rules,the developed nation will pay much more than the developing ones,then another problem has to be solved,how to share the power of the university?the university authorities can be a fair-play role during settle the world's most persistent social problems really?all of these doubts will destroy the university's function deadly.

In sum.the initial aim of support to develpo such a gloabal university is benefits for modern society,but it is only idealism without thinking about many factors.In facts,the most effective method to solve the the world's most persistent social problems is the cooperation of the human being,which should not be in the form of a global university.

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paisley
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沙发

发表于 2004-8-13 10:33:43 |只看该作者

麻烦你改改这位同学的作文好吗？我也把你的作文的URL发给他了，你们可以互相改，

http://edu.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=214274

UA
我说人生哪，如果赏过一回痛哭淋漓的风景，写一篇杜鹃啼血的文章，与一个赏心悦目的人错肩，也就够了。不要收藏美、钤印美，让美随风而逝。生命最清醉的时候，是将万里长江视为一匹白绢，裂帛。(简桢)

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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mulberry
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板凳

发表于 2004-8-13 15:28:29 |只看该作者

Issue11
The speaker asserts that in order to deal with the world's most persistent social problems, one global unversity should be developed by all nation's support in which students are engaged in solve all of these matters. It is might be （？）temping to agree with the speaker's statement accoring to morden socity situation,more and more persistent social problems involve almost all nations,and should be revolved by the collaboration/cooperation of all nations.However,the speaker overlook some certain actual factors,which result in the proposal to an impossible mission.

Admittedly, there are many considerable merits that developing the global universty. if it is come to reality, we can concerntrate the power from all the participant nations to deal with the persistent social problems. the social problems is so complexed, （作为定于从句的话，用which或者分立为两句。）no one nation （?）can resolve all of them individually without any help or collbaration from the other nation. the university itself is a powerful sign of cooperation of human being, which is demanded by the globalization. （与前面叙述的什么逻辑关系，有点跳。）In modern society, total different with the past, with the ever-increasing technology, more and more society problems emerge in most nations, such as industrilization, juvenile delinquency, poverty, drug, corruption. each nation attempt to sove these problems by their hard working. In the global university, we can engage the students to support these nation deal with the social problems who come from different nation and have various education back ground. through studying most cases and civilization of the participant nation, the students can give some important advice or methods to the government of the nations
存在的社会问题->无法独立解决->需要global university->因为。。。。
这样写思路会比较清楚一些。

On the other hand,（用转折关系）there are two compelling arguments that the speaker overlook certain actual factors. Such gloabal university is just idealism rather than realism. one such argument is that most persistent problems is so hard to be solved easily only with support of the global university in our time. for example, the environment problem, which is the most serious problems that the society have to face. the technology pushes globalization, globalizaiton carrys out industrialization, industrialization produces pollution. all of these matters are the environment problem factors. hwo can we find an effective way to settle it only by one university? （为什么不能by one university至少要说一句原因吧，这才是文章要论证的重点。）other society problems, such as war, poverty, nuclear threats, can not been resolved by some perfect advice or method forever. all of these matters come from the history of human being. it is most be（？） likely that the global university will be bogged into the endless debatesof too many ideas, and nothing will be carried out.（后半部分说的不错！但论证部分太抽象too many ideas, endless deabate）

Another argument against the speaker's statement is that how much finacial ability of the participant nations can afford for the development of the global university .money is always a sensitive factor for the actual project. it is impossible that there is one clear finacial sponsor standard for all the participant. as the current international rules, the developed nation will（不是will, 而是能力） pay much more than the developing ones, then another problem has to be solved, how to share the power of the university? the university authorities can be a fair-play role during settle the world's most persistent social problems really? （你这句是疑问句形式嘛？）all of these doubts will destroy the university's function deadly.
这一段说的不错！有理有利。

In sum. the initial aim of support to develpo such a gloabal university is benefits for modern society, but it is only idealism without thinking about many factors. In facts, the most effective method to solve the the world's most persistent social problems is the cooperation of the human being, which should not be in the form of a global university.
提一个意见：自己用word修改一下，很多错字~`
另外，逗号不是随便用的，独立句子之间最好不要用逗号。可用这种从举形式连接。
个人意见，仅供参考

Issue48
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=213977
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Issue94 http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=214274

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