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[未归类] Issue136 限时写得不好，快要考试了，急求狠拍，定回拍 [复制链接]

zjcq2002
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-15 11:40:56 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

Everyday, we are making decisions and choices, no matter we like it or not. And it is ordinary to hear people complain about the insufficiency of the choices. Nevertheless, choices are not as few as these guys consider. In my opinion, I certainly agree with the idea which the author has asserted that the absence of the choice is a circumstance which is very, very rare.

First of all, I would like to say that these who thought the choices were insufficient was not because the choices themselves but the means in making a choice all seemed to be profitless or hard to succeed to them. There is not circumstance that we have only one choice or no choice in any field or aspect of life. There is the an example from Helen Keller, who is a disable and suffers a lot during her whole life. Maybe even a strong man in Keller's situation would like to choose to death and considered this was the only choice to end the silent and lightless life. However, Keller chose to live, and she studied to speak to others. She well organized her life and became one of the famous writer though she was deaf and blind. And thinking about the Beethoven, the gifted musician who was deaf when young. What would the ordinary musicians do if they were told that they would never hear the melody? Making choice to end the work as a musician and being depression all through the rest of the life? Beethoven did not. He continued to write scriptures and owed the glory even beyond the deafness, with the ninth symphony, the Choirs. Even in the poorest situation, Keller and Beethoven did not give up the right to choice their ways of living, is there any circumstance that we can not make choices?

Secondly, choices making are not as complex as most people suggest. Take our daily life for example, there are faculties who complained that the university's improper regulation has restricted their researches in time and finances which make them have no choice but to do researches in poor condition and hardly access their own interests. Though this situation sounds choiceless at first blush, it is not as plausible as we think. In the first place, the faculty has the choice to unite the self-interests with the regulations and find a balance between both. In the second place, he has the choice to ally other colleagues to petition to the government or the Education Department. Even the two choices are invalid, he also has another one, which is, to get off his work and find economical support from corporations interested in the researches or other means to continue both his life and his researches. In this case, the problem is easily solved with at least three choices.

In all, there is no absence of choice but the inconsideration or laziness which prevent people from making their choices. As an old saying, if there is no way walk up, just to climb.

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s25011
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-16 16:00:55 |只看该作者

楼主拜读了一下你的成果，很不错的说，有几个小建议：
1）是 Keller Helen
2）Beethoven是到后来才deaf的，个人觉得这两个例子不是太有说服力，因为这跟pofit好像不是太相关，如果用来说明逆境就再恰当不过啦。
没了，挺好的，我也快要考了，＋U！！

挑战自我：）
7.22 北京 A

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zjcq2002
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板凳

发表于 2005-7-16 17:14:53 |只看该作者

抱抱 s25011 都是快上战场的人了：）
Keller　Hellen 和 Hellen Keller 的用法我都没注意过，当时这例子是我胡乱拉来的，听大大一说我才认真去查了一下百度，不过好像大大错了哦：
Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. (Hellen Keller, American writer)
虽然世界多苦难，但是苦难总是能战胜的(美国作家海伦·凯勒)

这两个例子确实不能说明 profit，这一点在我写完了之后就觉得好像自己偏题了。不过，我在想，到底是例子偏了还是主题句所用的 profit 偏了，所以才在写完后又加了个hard to success，因为聋哑人要成功必须付出更大的努力，也更难。我觉得这两个例子都是在论证这一点。要不然为了不引起理解问题，我直接就把 profitless 给删掉，大大看这样如何？

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地板

发表于 2005-7-17 00:42:45 |只看该作者

Issue136 限时写得不好，快要考试了，急求狠拍，定回拍

136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."
[首先看到这个题目，就觉得这篇文章不太好写]
[我破题是：
I generally agree with the author’s viewpoint. I believe that every problem has its solution except some special circumstance.
1. Sometimes the destiny is not decided by people.
2. The most reasonable approach is that accept the fate and try ones best to fight against the terrible thing.
3. Yet we can’t exclude the circumstance with absence of choice.]

Everyday, we are making decisions and choices, no matter we like it or not. And it is ordinary to hear people complain about the insufficiency of the choices. Nevertheless, choices are not as few as these guys consider. In my opinion, I certainly agree with the idea which the author has asserted that the absence of the choice is a circumstance which is very, very rare.
[开头不错，没啥问题]

First of all, I would like to say that these[people/person] who thought the choices were insufficient was not because the choices themselves but the means in making a choice all seemed to be profitless or hard to succeed to them. There is not circumstance that we have only one choice or no choice in any field or aspect of life. There is the an example from Helen Keller, who is a disable and suffers a lot during her whole life. Maybe even a strong man in Keller's situation would like to choose to death and considered this was the only choice to end the silent and lightless life. However, Keller chose to live, and she studied to speak to others. She well organized her life and became one of the famous writer though she was deaf and blind.[Helen Keller的例子举的很不错] And thinking about the Beethoven, the[+most] gifted musician who was deaf when young[我记得他好象是后来才聋的，他没瞎的话就是了]. What would the ordinary musicians do if they were told that they would never hear the melody? Making choice to end the work as a musician and being depression all through the rest of the life? Beethoven did not.[He chosen to fight against the fate, then the most notable works Fate Symphony was born.] He continued to write scriptures and owed the glory even beyond the deafness, with the ninth symphony, the Choirs. Even in the poorest situation, Keller and Beethoven did not give up the right to choice their ways of living, is there any circumstance that we can not make choices?
[本段观点明确，例证充分，挺好的]

Secondly, choices making are not as complex as most people suggest. Take our daily life for example, there are faculties who complained that the university's improper regulation has restricted their researches in time and finances which make them have no choice but to do researches in poor condition and hardly access their own interests. Though this situation sounds choiceless at first blush[? at first glance], it is not as plausible as we think. In the first place, the faculty has the choice to unite the self-interests with the regulations and find a balance between both. In the second place, he has the choice to ally other colleagues to petition to the government or the Education Department. Even the two choices are invalid, he also has another one, which is, to get off his work and find economical support from corporations interested in the researches or other means to continue both his life and his researches. In this case, the problem is easily solved with at least three choices.
[感觉本段中心不是很明确，是想说making choice is easy? 那不是和第一段重复了吗]

In all, there is no absence of choice but the inconsideration or laziness which prevent people from making their choices. As an old saying, if there is no way walk up, just to climb.
[文章还可以再延伸一点，例如再让步写一段说有些事情确实是不能选择的，象什么自然灾害，或是生老病死什么的]

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5楼

发表于 2005-7-17 08:37:19 |只看该作者

To bell:
1）at first blush = at first glance 我是背过的，而且不像后者那样用滥了

2）因为第一段我想论证的是人们通常所认为的毫无选择的情况其实是有选择的，第二段是选择不像人们所想象的那么困难，我想用的是递进和进一步的说明，放在一段看起来就太混淆了。不过两段确实在说同一个观点，等到这个观点写完，时间、字数和篇幅都差不多了。可能是以前写中文的作文习惯了，一写Issue就忍不住会这样长篇大论。请问，是不是同一个观点不能分为两段写呀？又是不是每一篇作文必须要有多个论点呢？

3）这篇文章确实发散不够，一方面是由于时间原因，一方面是临场审题的不准（rare），
还有就是，我的态度是certainly agree，这样的情况下，让步写一段说有些事情确实是不能选择应该不会偏吧？

看了你的提纲，收获很大，谢谢。想了一下，你看这样如何：
第二段开头加上 I concede，去掉Beethoven的例子，把第三段的内容整合到第二段，新的第三段用于让步，你觉得如何？

bell：真的非常感谢你对我的批改和帮助，再次表达我深深的感谢！！！

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