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As society develops and progresses, there are lots of personal services. We begin to pay attention on personal education programs and individual developments, but can we need an education designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student? Is it practical to carry out this kind of education for all students? Who are in charge of the specifically educational task? I will answer as the following. (没给出中心论点, 个人认为是要命的错误.)
With an ideal view, it is attractive to design personal education for a given child. If each child can gain considerable attention from parents, teachers and governments, he would be more possible to develop his interest and avoid his shortcomings. We give him paper and pencil who likes to paint; we offer him a piano who love music; if who are tired to take examinations, we give him other choice to verify his ability. Under that circumstance, students could love education for its comfortable and personal program. To some extent, the current education system is stationary and lack of varies for meet (for meeting / to meet) different needs and need some improvement. In light of this situation (为何不直接用In this situation?), some advocate we should carry out a personal education (+system) according to (commeasure) individual needs and interest. (将he, his和him改为one, one's和one会更客观.)
However, no matter how attractive the suggestion is, we should take into account that we have numerous students to teach (educate, 个人意见), the personal programs need considerable teachers, devices and finances . In light of our limited source in a family, a school, a society, and a government (有几个该用复数), we could not manage to ensure that every student can get same attention and access to this program. In fact, there are still some families which can not afford fees of education in public schools that are relatively cheap (cheap有贬义, 指不入流之意, 建议改为economic). Personal education could help us to teach and benefit students to develop their potentials, but it is unpractical to execute due to limited money and teachers. (此句多余了, 读起来也别扭.) Moreover, the complex execution of the personal education (the complexity of the execution)can add to the difficulty. There are so many children who have the rights (want) to get personal education, but considering the various interests, how can the program work effectively and smoothly? We have no enough special classrooms and teaching devices for each student who has special request. Maybe it is more possible to gather a group of children who have similar or same interests, which is more practical to execute. (这段写拖沓了, 建议在之前加上一段, 说明还是有一定的课程是需要每一个孩子都学习的, 这样更加严谨些.)
Furthermore, a responsible education should define the own tasks of the family, school, government, and society. (何解?) Who should afford the extra fees of personal education compared with traditional education? Are they parents? (The parents?) In fact, many families can not even afford a traditional educational program. Are they the schools? (同上.) In fact, schools have not enough teachers and money to design (execute) it. Government seems as a suitable candidate, but we should confess (concede) that government has more important and emergent affairs to deal with, such as eliminating poverty, preventing wars, impeding violence, other than a education designed to meet each child's needs and interests(interest, 前后一致比较好, 而且作可数用不是很有说服力.). The tasks confronted by government are too great to neglect. After all, the government has its other tasks besides education problems. (建议用therefore引导从句完成全段, 说明政府同样不应承担此责任.)
In conclusion, a personal education which can meet the individual needs and interests is attractive but is unpractical due to limited money such as the money, manpower. (时间原因导致结尾仓促吗? 我就不替你写了, 自己来吧.)
来我这儿看看吧! 也是新手, 8/10的考试, 多指教! |
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