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[i习作temp] ISSUE11 (高频题) 自己第二次算时间，45分钟内完成，写的很乱。大家互拍一下！ [复制链接]

beckhangong
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-7-15 22:27:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

ISSUE 11 (高频题)
"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
所有的国家都应该支持发展一所全球性的大学，它的主要目的是要让学生们致力于解决世界上最难缠的社会问题。

--摘要--
本文为限时完成，这是我第三篇限时的作文。（2005年7月15日 21：31-22：15）

--提纲--
1. 世界最难缠的问题来自方方面面,有经济,政治,人口,环境,社会等多方面的问题,并且不是一个两个国家,当方面的人才能够短时间解决的了的.社会问题只是其中一方面.
2. 发展大学的目的是为世界培养各行各业的人才,去研究新发展,推广知识文化和解决问题,当然包括最难缠的社会问题
3. 发展全球性的大学有必要,但是是为了促进文化的交流.每个国家的情况不一样,发展大学也要取决于经济和文化基础,有条件的国家可以多发展一些全球性的大学,而没有条件的可以暂时先不必考虑这些,因为还有很多更紧要的问题要解决,比如吃饭,经济,疾病...而且社会问题也不是一天两天就能解决了的。

--正文--
Is it necessary that all nations support a global university development to educate students for solving the most persistent social problems of world? The author claims so. A global university is useful in my opinion since it benefits all countries of the world from global civilization and global economy aspects. However, not every nation have the ability to build a well global university, and the global is not built only to solve the most persistent social problems yet. It will be discussed in detail as follow.

To begin with, the most persistent problems reached in the issue above including many aspects, such as economic, political, population, environment, social and so forth. It is easy to know social problems are only one trivial part of great amout of problems, also each of them is too persistent to solve in recent time and easy way. Take population of world as an example, the population grew very fast if no policy is published facing to the problem. But the population seperates into many different countries, each government has its own characterized policies about population, some country encourage people to bear children while some others forbid. Furthermore, the environment problem is also one serious problem needs supports of all nations in the earth. If any country does not take charge this task and polute the environment, it is not only make its own country dirty, but also destroy the common home of us.

Secondly, the aim of building an university is educate excelent individuals to serve for society and world. The well-educated students are asked to research new technologies, spread knowledge and civilization, also solve persistent problems from the world. Admittedly, the persistent problem set must include social problems as well. For example, our university is one of the most famous university in China, it has about 40 big subjests and more than 200 small ones, they covers almost all researching areas. Every year, about 20,000 students graduate and then go to work for every vocation. Some of the social subject graduates work in China while some others go abroad to other country, adding them together, they are solving the whole problem of social aspect.

Undoubtedly, the event developing global university is necessary and important. But a confirmation should be made that it is not just for solving social problems. The most important aid of building a global university is to connect different nations around world together, let them do deep communication of civilization, economy, and politics. Moreover, the founding of a great university need financial and civilized support from government, thus a question arises--does the government have the economic ability to support the university? The answer would be different. In developed countries, the answer maybe "yes", in contrary, the answer would be "no" in undeveloped and developing countries. Therefore, simply put, we should take economic situation of a nation into account, develop global universities as their ability are, let undeveloped and developing nations solve the problems which are more persistent than founding a global university.

To sum up, the most persistent problems comes from many different aspects of the whole world and social problems are only one small part of them. Admittedly, the development of global university is necessary to promote the level of global civilization, economy and politic communication among the nations all around the world. Nevertheless, the development of global universities need financial and civilized support, it should take the situation of a special nation into consideration.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-15 at 23:40 ]

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beckhangong
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-15 22:33:31 |只看该作者

自己顶一下！各位牛人给看看，快要考试了，心里没底啊。

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板凳

发表于 2005-7-16 02:27:20 |只看该作者

回复 #1 beckhangong 的帖子

Is it necessary that all nations support a global university development(the development of a global university) to educate students for solving(to solve) the most persistent social problems of world? The author claims so. A global university is useful in my opinion since it benefits all countries of the world from global civilization and  global economy aspects(benefit from ...,另外这句有个含糊). However, not every nation have(has) the ability to build a well global university, and the global(university) is not built only to solve the most persistent social problems yet. It will be discussed in detail as follow. (对于global university的概念最好下个定义，因为至少我和你的理解就不一样)

To begin with, the most persistent problems (reached in the issue above,都不用) including(include) many aspects, such as economic, political, population, environment, social and so forth(形容词，动词然在一块了). It is easy to know(It is apparent that) social problems are only one trivial(trivial?不是吧) part of great amout(拼写错误，而且两个of连在一起，感觉不好 among) of problems, also each of them(用that从句是不是要好点) is too persistent to solve in recent time and easy way. Take population of world as an example(这个例子不恰当，population problem是社会问题), the population grew very fast if no policy is published facing to the problem(这句再想想). But the population(problems) seperates into(?) many different countries, each government has its own characterized(specific) policies about population, some country encourage people to bear children while some others forbid. Furthermore, the environment problem(好多problem哦，改成environment deterioration 是不是好点？) is also one(a) serious problem needs(needing) supports of all nations in the earth(throughout the world). If any country does not take charge (of)this task and polute(不应该啊) the environment, it is not only make its own country dirty(这个词太弱了), but also destroy the common home of us.

Secondly, the aim of building an university is (to)educate excelent(好多拼写错误，下面不明确指出，MS word告诉你) individuals(elites) to serve for society and world. The well-educated students are asked to research new technologies, spread knowledge(师范学院的学生?跟题目不然) and civilization, also solve persistent problems from the world. Admittedly, the persistent problem set(去掉) must include social problems as well(admittedly大材小用了). For example, our university is one of the most famous university in China(直接说你是pku, thu就可以了三), it has about 40 big subjests and more than 200 small ones, they covers almost all researching areas. Every year, about 20,000 students graduate and then go to work for every vocation. Some of the social subject graduates work in China while some others go abroad to other country, adding them together, they are solving the whole problem of social aspect.(这段和上面的段落，以及题目有什么联系)

Undoubtedly, the event developing global university is necessary and important(why?这个应该是本文的重点). But a confirmation should be made that it is not just for solving social problems. The most important aid of building a global university is to connect different nations around world together, let them do deep communication of civilization, economy, and politics(for what?). Moreover, the founding of a great university need financial and civilized support from government, thus a question arises--does the government have the economic ability to support the university? The answer would be different. In developed countries, the answer maybe "yes", in contrary, the answer would be "no" in undeveloped and developing countries. Therefore, simply put, we should take economic situation of a nation into account, develop global universities as their ability are, let undeveloped and developing nations solve the problems which are more persistent than founding a global university.

To sum up, the most persistent problems comes from(?) many different aspects of the whole world and social problems are only one small part of them. Admittedly, the development of global university is necessary to promote (the level of,直接省略好了 )global civilization, economy and politic communication among the nations all around the world. Nevertheless(查下这个词的意思), the development of global universities need financial and civilized(?) support, it should take the situation of a special nation into consideration.

俺就直接说了哈，好的不说了。
问题：1. 论证的结构不太清楚。写“应不应该问题”的模式是什么？
   2. 例子不丰满
   3. 不要太紧张了，好多拼写错误，特别是短语的错误
加油!

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beckhangong
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地板

发表于 2005-7-16 11:18:52 |只看该作者

thanks

准备的时间实在是有限，水平提高的很慢，愁啊！
也不知道这么硬着头皮能不能行
大家加油吧总之谢了你写了可以给我发链接我给你改不过水平有限不道能不能改好
：）

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5楼

发表于 2005-7-17 10:34:47 |只看该作者

占位咯
谢谢你的修改~
我会认真看你的文章的

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6楼

发表于 2005-7-17 19:25:33 |只看该作者

thanks a lot

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7楼

发表于 2005-7-19 10:32:21 |只看该作者

Is it necessary that all nations support a global university development to educate students for solving the most persistent social problems of world? The author claims so. A global university is useful in my opinion since it benefits all countries of the world from global civilization and  global economy aspects. However, not every nation have the ability to build a well global university, and the global is not built only to solve the most persistent social problems yet. It will be discussed in detail as follow. [开头叙述得很全面啊，但就是太长了，一般开头力求简洁，不要超过三排。除非你有很新颖的开头]

To begin with, the most persistent problems reached in the issue above including many aspects, such as economic, political, population, environment, social and so forth. It is easy to know social problems [+ that] are only one trivial part of great amout of problems, also each of them is too persistent to solve in recent time and [in an] easy way. Take population of world as an example, the population grew [没必要用过去式，人口是一直在增长的。用过去式好象说现在人口增长就停止了，还是用grows] very fast if no policy is published facing to the problem. But the population seperates into many different countries, each government has its own characterized policies about population, some country encourage people to bear children while some others forbid. Furthermore, the environment problem is also one serious problem needs supports of all nations in the earth. If any country does not take charge this task and polute the environment, it is not only make its own country dirty, but also destroy the common home of us. [论证不够有力啊，不能很好的说服读者。而且例子不足]

Secondly, the aim of building an university is [to] educate excelent [excellent,拼写错误较多，上面的XD给你改得很详细，下面我就不再说了] individuals to serve for society and world. The well-educated students are asked to research new technologies, spread knowledge and civilization, also solve persistent problems from the world. Admittedly, the persistent problem set must include social problems as well. For example, our university is one of the most famous university in China, it has about 40 big subjests and more than 200 small ones, they covers almost all researching areas. Every year, about 20,000 students graduate and then go to work for every vocation. [偏题了吧] Some of the social subject graduates work in China while some others go abroad to other country, adding them together, they are solving the whole problem of social aspect. [这个例子不好，不具代表性，而且比较牵强]

Undoubtedly, the event developing global university is necessary and important. But a confirmation should be made that it is not just for solving social problems. The most important aid of building a global university is to connect different nations around world together, let them do [太中国化的英语了] deep communication of civilization, economy, and politics. Moreover, the founding of a great university need [+s] financial and civilized support from government, thus a question arises--does the government have the economic ability to support the university? The answer would be different. In developed countries, the answer maybe [maybe is an adv, not a verb. try may be] "yes", in contrary, the answer would be "no" in undeveloped and developing countries. Therefore, simply put, we should take economic situation of a nation into account, develop global universities as their ability are, let undeveloped and developing nations solve the problems which are more persistent than founding a global university. [语言不过地道，论证比上段好一点]

To sum up, the most persistent problems comes from many different aspects of the whole world and social problems are only one small part of them. Admittedly, the development of global university is necessary to promote the level of global civilization, economy and politic communication among the nations all around the world. Nevertheless, the development of global universities need financial and civilized support, it should take the situation of a special nation into consideration.

首先谢谢你的修改啊，建议我看老外280的反驳开头。很感谢你的忠告！！
再说说你的文章吧，感觉比较的乱。全篇说理，例子不足，语言也需再加强啊！而且你的句子结构都是人称主语+谓语，多样性不足。可以尝试to do sth is .... or doing sth is... or sth of sth is ...这样的开头，还有有意的加上倒装句，这样你的句子就更耐读，更吸引人啦，分数也自然高啊。以上我的修改不知你满不满意，欢迎与我讨论互改啊。彼此加油，我8。1 武汉，你呢？
我也写了这一篇，可以对比一下啊。i    11 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=302356

我是这耀眼的瞬间，是划过天边的刹那火焰。

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