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czl223
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-8-4 22:27:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

48.
The argument concludes that the decline of fitness levels is indeed caused by decline in the economy and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.
However, the argument is fundamentally based on scant evidence and flawed reasoning that lead to unconvincing conclusion as discussed below.

To begin with, the arguer rests on the comparison between the rates of the adequate physical fitness to conclude that the fitness levels have been declined. Yet, the arguer fails to consider that the standers for adequate physical fitness can change greatly during twenty years. Maybe the standers have become higher than the levels of twenty years ago, which can be the very reason for the lower rate of all citizens are adequately fit. Therefore, although the rate declines, the fitness levels may be enhanced. If so, the arguer cannot convince me that the fitness levels have declined.

Moreover, the arguer indicates that the overall fitness levels are also highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest. Accordingly, the arguer concludes that using computers has not the true reason for the decline of fitness levels. However, this is not necessarily the case. It is entirely possible that the highest levels are due to the good conditions of the region since we know they tend to have higher wages than people do in other careers. Furthermore, they may take more care about their health and then have a better living style than others. In addition, common sense tells me that using computers too much can be harmful to the fitness. Failing to consider these conditions, the arguer cannot convince me that the decline of fitness levels is indeed not due to using of computers.

Even assuming that the decline of fitness levels is not caused by using of computers, the arguer unfairly assumes that the decline in the economy is indeed most likely the cause. Nevertheless, we are not informed any other possible reason for the decline. Without comparison, the arguer cannot make any firm conclusion that it is indeed due to the decline of economy.

Last but not least, even if decline of fitness is factually due to the decline of economy, it is also false to say that when the economy improves, the fitness levels will do. However, common sense tells me that when fitness declines, it is hard to improve.

In sum, the argument is not thoroughly well supported as it stands. To bolster the argument, the arguer must provide better and further evidence that the decline in the economy causes the decline of fitness levels and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.

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one way street
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-4 22:50:02 |只看该作者

我来

明天中午帮你改出如何？稍等啊！

这是我的issue157,多谢支持！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

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Jianchuan
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-4 23:01:01 |只看该作者

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102
怎么这么巧!! 我就在你楼上 - 顶了你就是你在楼上了.
我一会儿看看你的...

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czl223
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地板

发表于 2005-8-5 08:23:23 |只看该作者

好的，我来了

我来拍你们的

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one way street
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5楼

发表于 2005-8-5 11:39:11 |只看该作者

The argument concludes that the decline of fitness levels is indeed caused by decline in the economy and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.
However, the argument is fundamentally based on scant evidence and flawed reasoning that lead to unconvincing conclusion as discussed below.（开头很简洁，也很明了，值得学习）

To begin with, the arguer rests on the comparison between the rates of the adequate physical fitness to conclude that the fitness levels have been declined. Yet, the arguer fails to consider that the standers for adequate physical fitness can change greatly during twenty years. Maybe the standers (standards) have become higher than the levels of twenty years ago, which can be the very reason for the lower rate of all citizens are adequately fit. Therefore, although the rate declines, the fitness levels may be enhanced. If so, the arguer cannot convince me that the fitness levels have declined.

Moreover, the arguer indicates that the overall fitness levels are also highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest. Accordingly, the arguer concludes that using computers has(is) not the true reason for the decline of fitness levels. However, this is not necessarily the case. It is entirely possible that the highest levels are due to the good conditions of the region since we know they tend to have higher wages than people do in other careers. Furthermore, they may take more care about their health and then have a better living style than others. In addition, common sense tells me that using computers too much can be harmful to the fitness. Failing to consider these conditions, the arguer cannot convince me that the decline of fitness levels is indeed not due to using of computers.这段我觉得写成使用电脑与充分健康标准的因果关系比较合理，文章一开始指出是长时间使用电脑是健康水平下降的原因，后来又否定了这种因果关系，但事实上从作者的论述来看，使用电脑同不健康是有关系的，而事实也的却如此，作者是要表明这个意思，虽然读完后可以理解，但不如直接以二者关系为攻击点，这样会更能体现出作者思维的敏锐，使文章更加清晰。

Even assuming that the decline of fitness levels is not caused by using of computers, the arguer unfairly assumes that the decline in the economy is indeed most likely the cause. Nevertheless, we are not informed any other possible reason for the decline. Without comparison, the arguer cannot make any firm conclusion that it is indeed due to the decline of economy.这段话可以把经济衰退不一定是健康下降的原因批评的更加深入一些，作者可以从另一方面论述：if it is true that this year citizens spend less money on fitness-related products and services,the author fail to show any evidence than can prove the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause.然后可以说明虽然花费下降了，但也许是市民找到了更加经济合算的健身活动，比如增加了户外活动，家庭健身的潮流等等，因此没有排除这些可能的情况下，不能说是经济衰退是健康下降的原因。

Last but not least, even if decline of fitness is factually due to the decline of economy, it is also false to say that when the economy improves, the fitness levels will do. However, common sense tells me that when fitness declines, it is hard to improve.最后这一段可以和上面的论述连在一起，这样论述会更有力量和说服力，毕竟篇幅也可以说明论证力度。

In sum, the argument is not thoroughly well supported as it stands. To bolster the argument, the arguer must provide better and further evidence that the decline in the economy causes the decline of fitness levels and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.

整篇文章语言是没什么问题的，问题找的也很准确，其实论证已经很充分了，但我又提出了一些个人意见，感觉这样论证起来更有力。
如果作者有什么不同意见欢迎讨论。
一家之见，多多包涵！:)

宁为玉碎，不为瓦全

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czl223
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6楼

发表于 2005-8-5 11:43:23 |只看该作者

看到我的回拍了吗

是拍的太狠了

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czl223
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7楼

发表于 2005-8-5 11:56:48 |只看该作者

The argument concludes that the decline of fitness levels is indeed caused by decline in the economy and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.
However, the argument is fundamentally based on scant evidence and flawed reasoning that lead to unconvincing conclusion as discussed below.（开头很简洁，也很明了，值得学习）

To begin with, the arguer rests on the comparison between the rates of the adequate physical fitness to conclude that the fitness levels have been declined. Yet, the arguer fails to consider that the standers for adequate physical fitness can change greatly during twenty years. Maybe the standers (standards) have become higher than the levels of twenty years ago, which can be the very reason for the lower rate of all citizens are adequately fit. Therefore, although the rate declines, the fitness levels may be enhanced. If so, the arguer cannot convince me that the fitness levels have declined.

Moreover, the arguer indicates that the overall fitness levels are also highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest. Accordingly, the arguer concludes that using computers has(is) not the true reason for the decline of fitness levels. However, this is not necessarily the case. It is entirely possible that the highest levels are due to the good conditions of the region since we know they tend to have higher wages than people do in other careers. Furthermore, they may take more care about their health and then have a better living style than others. In addition, common sense tells me that using computers too much can be harmful to the fitness. Failing to consider these conditions, the arguer cannot convince me that the decline of fitness levels is indeed not due to using of computers.这段我觉得写成使用电脑与充分健康标准的因果关系比较合理，文章一开始指出是长时间使用电脑是健康水平下降的原因，后来又否定了这种因果关系，但事实上从作者的论述来看，使用电脑同不健康是有关系的，而事实也的却如此，作者是要表明这个意思，虽然读完后可以理解，但不如直接以二者关系为攻击点，这样会更能体现出作者思维的敏锐，使文章更加清晰。

这一段确实是该攻击那个因果关系的，分析的很透彻啊，thanks

Even assuming that the decline of fitness levels is not caused by using of computers, the arguer unfairly assumes that the decline in the economy is indeed most likely the cause. Nevertheless, we are not informed any other possible reason for the decline. Without comparison, the arguer cannot make any firm conclusion that it is indeed due to the decline of economy.这段话可以把经济衰退不一定是健康下降的原因批评的更加深入一些，作者可以从另一方面论述：if it is true that this year citizens spend less money on fitness-related products and services,the author fail to show any evidence than can prove the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause.然后可以说明虽然花费下降了，但也许是市民找到了更加经济合算的健身活动，比如增加了户外活动，家庭健身的潮流等等，因此没有排除这些可能的情况下，不能说是经济衰退是健康下降的原因。

其实我也想分析的透彻啊，可加上分析题目，在限时的情况下，我真的写不完啊，不知你有什么好的意见啊？

Last but not least, even if decline of fitness is factually due to the decline of economy, it is also false to say that when the economy improves, the fitness levels will do. However, common sense tells me that when fitness declines, it is hard to improve.最后这一段可以和上面的论述连在一起，这样论述会更有力量和说服力，毕竟篇幅也可以说明论证力度。

意见很中肯啊

In sum, the argument is not thoroughly well supported as it stands. To bolster the argument, the arguer must provide better and further evidence that the decline in the economy causes the decline of fitness levels and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.

整篇文章语言是没什么问题的，问题找的也很准确，其实论证已经很充分了，但我又提出了一些个人意见，感觉这样论证起来更有力。
如果作者有什么不同意见欢迎讨论。
一家之见，多多包涵！

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one way street
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8楼

发表于 2005-8-5 12:19:13 |只看该作者

没有吧？

不是很狠吧？这篇是我最早改的，那时还没有看到你给我的修改啊！要回你的那篇还没改呢！
我感觉你在限时的情况下已经分析的很清楚了，只不过我是又慢条斯理的给你分析了一下。
我觉得你既然已经找到错误了，那就要先把它指出来，然后迅速的去找推翻这个关系的其他原因，然后再把它们列举出来，这样又具体又可以增加篇幅，而且又加强了说服力，真的是一种很好的方法。
就像你这篇文章中你问的一样，你问题已经找的很准确了，该分析的也都分析了，但如果再列举一下造成购买下降的其他原因，这样就可以得出经济衰退不一定就是购买下降的原因，进而说明经济衰退与健康水平不一定有直接的因果关系，这样便会透彻很多。你觉得呢？

呵呵，说起来很好说，我自己写得时候也不是很好啊！

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