[i习作temp] issue208 寄托4人组 8月15日作业 [复制链接]

meauto
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-8-15 18:03:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

我想要一张去Syracuse的机票T_T

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tangjihede
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-15 18:27:28 |只看该作者

占！

"I will act," says Don Quixote, "as if the world were what I would have it to be, as if the ideal were real..."

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tangjihede
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-15 20:59:45 |只看该作者

Issue208 The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society’ ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.

提纲：
反对前一句，赞成后一句。
1人的穿着和打扮，行为是建立在物质基础上的
2在物质条件允许的情况下，The way people look, dress, and act反映了人们的attitudes and interests.
3We can tell much about a society’s ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.

Could the way people look, dress, and act reveal their attitudes and interests? The speaker asserts so. [问一下，100个人里80个都这么开头，会不会容易判作弊？]As far as I am concerned, however, although the appearance and behavior of people does[do, 因为前面是and，后面是they] not necessarily reflect their attitudes and interests, they indeed offer us much information about a society's ideas and values.[自己看这个句子10遍，看however， although， indeed这么清楚的词支撑起的句子和句子里的内容能让人明白你主题句的意思么？]

For people in highly developed countries such as contemporary[the] United Kingdom and America, the way they look and act tells much about their attitudes. Everyday on the street there people stick to traditions, dressing themselves seriously with suits and ties even after work[加限定地点，如华尔街，唐宁街，否则是不对的。]. Sharply contrasting them are ones who wear exaggerative punk clothes and hairstyles[wear… hairstyle??? With.], labeling[nice word] themselves as rejecters to everything that has gone before. Similarly, many vegetarians avoid meat for animal rights, and people who indulge themselves in food thinking they are free to consume. In short, people’s differences on appearance and behavior show us their attitudes and interests to some extent. [虽无大过，但也没有太引人注意的地方，建议举例多考虑质，而不是量。一个生动具体例子比三个现象描述要好。]

When it comes to countries that lag behind economically,[建议这里加however。每一段的开头你没有表达语气的提示词，当然这个无所谓，但在句子加一下可以让人更清楚你要表达的是什么。供参考] people's look, dress, and act is more of a function to their living standards rather than their interests or attitudes. In Kenya and many other African countries, for example, there are thousands and millions[可以这么连接么？或者millions of，或者 thousands of millions of 或者thousands or even millions of] of people, young and old, struggling for adequate food for survival[for…for不好。改成to survive]. When all their money (if they have[if they have any]) goes for bread, it is[ hard impressed这个是什么意思？] to think they care about whether their clothes accord with their interests or attitudes. Unable to afford the expensive clothes, most people there dress themselves rather simply.[改逗号，form变forming，两个简单句变一个复句] Form their appearance similar to their ancestors perhaps living hundreds years ago. [加一句In these countries，是否更带总结性？参考。Hardly can we interpret their attitudes or interests from[their] universally plain appearance.]

While people may convey their attitudes and interests through the way they look, dress and act, if finances permit, from their appearance and behavior we can capture[nice word!] the values and ideas of a society. In a[delete a] Japanese society, for example, no children will refer to the names of their parents directly in daily conversation, so in the case of a subordinate to his/her boss.[ 上面以服饰为主，这里转成称呼，虽然和主题重点 act，look呼应，但总觉得不够深入，因为全文你没有给出这些外在的表象和内在态度和价值取向之间的联系，哪怕提一句前者反应了后者也好。在这种情况下直接分各个方面展开显得比较散。建议都以服饰为主] But in an American society, this is quite normal.[我对此表示怀疑，因为通过电视电影亲身接触从来没见过那个孩子直呼父名的。个人怀疑而已。什么时候你有例子了给我开开眼。] From this social phenomenon we can see that, Japanese society is stricter with the boundaries across the social caste[这个词主要指印度的种姓制度，而父母和孩子都是一个种姓，换个词吧。比如hierarchy], while an American society, at [on]the other hand, may not regard age and experience as so important. Another example is North Korean.[太零散了！！] Koreans haven [?????have?]always made a preference of local products when they buy cars, home appliances, and etc, which is a sign of grouplism.[你是想说集体主义么？collectivism。但这里不合适。强烈的爱国主义吧] When societies differ from one another in values and ideas, their members’ act reveals it.[后面这两个零散的例子更加深了我在这段开始的感觉。你扑的很开，但比较潜，容易让人不知道你的重点和主题是什么。]

In conclusion, the statement unfairly generalize that in every societies[单数！！] people’s appearances and behaviors display[present? Expose? 个人感觉而已。] their interests and attitudes, although they afford us much information about the ideas and values of the society.[表达社会态度但不表达他们的interests和attitudes？全文你扑的很开，没有很多正面的交锋和对比，所以我感觉你在各说各的，没有形成统一的主题。比如，提到肯尼亚人没的穿，但他们的举止就不能表达个人的态度么？你从他们的acts中不能体会到他们对现状的不满么？凭什么美国人的衣服可以，肯尼亚没衣服但用拳头就不可以了――既然你把act和衣服都放在一起说？我觉得这道题除非自己的把握能力很强，能从很深内在与外在方面来论述的话，还是只取一个方面来正反对比，至少主题很集中。你可以批判一下我的同主题，只说衣服。不用改，看一下就行。]

"I will act," says Don Quixote, "as if the world were what I would have it to be, as if the ideal were real..."

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