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[a习作temp] argument38 Calsunny作业(coffee小组)进来看看就是对我的鼓励，谢谢！ [复制链接]

calsunny
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-12-21 15:32:16 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

38.The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

提纲：
吃鱼不是不感冒的必然原因
即使吃鱼可以防止感冒，也不能得出Ichthaid可以治疗感冒
感冒作为缺席的原因没有根据

In this argument the speaker asserts that use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement from fish oil, could prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To substitute his conclusion, the speaker reasons that eating fish can prevent colds because nearby East Meria people eat much and they scarcely see the doctor for the colds. Colds are the common reason for absence from school and work. The speaker’s argument is flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, the fact that fish consumption is high near East Meria is not the necessary reason for the people who seldom visit the doctor for the treatment of colds. As colds are not very serious, many people tend not to see the doctor. And they maybe eat some medicine without the doctor’s prescription. Even if the people of East Merias seldom catch colds, the reasons may be various: the weather may be good for healthy; the people may like sports and they are strong enough not to catch colds; the other food may benefit to their healthy; there are few old and children who are accessible to catch the colds. In addition, eating fish can help East Meria people prevent colds; it may not work for people in West Meria or other places. Perhaps people in West Meria or other places will not be able to be protected by eating fish because they have certain inner situation such as physical & psychological or the outer situation such as the weather differences to people in East Meria. The only fact they eat substantial fish can not safely illustrates the reason that they seldom pay a visit to the doctor for the colds.

Even if the assumption of fish can prevent the colds, the arguer may be doubtable to recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from the fish oil. In fact there are fundamental differences between the fish and fish oil. There are many other gradients of fish besides the fish oil such as the meat and the scale. And the fish oil is not equal to Ichthaid, too. Therefore, even though eating fish can effectively prevent colds, the arguer can not guarantee that the Ichthaid has the same function. What’s more, the speaker does not provide the relative information about the Ichthaid such as its positive or negative effect. The people who get cold may not take this for they know nothing about it even if it does work.

It is groundless for the reason of absenteeism in schools and workplaces. The arguer failed to provide enough evidence to ensure us that the absence is due to colds。No evidence or further statistical data have been supplied to prove the assumptions. Although in some occasion, the people frequently prefer to take colds as the alibi for escaping from the school and workplace. Some people may pretend to be ill because they get up later or they do not like the work or the teacher. Some may mistake other ill as colds only because of similar symptom. Actually, many other reasons may lead to absenteeism: they are late because of the traffic or get up late; they do not like the school and the work; something happen in their home. The colds are the only one reason for absence.

To sum up, before introducing the Ichthaid into the school and workplace to reduce the absenteeism, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from some angles and the speaker should provide several more relative proofs to convince us. It can be further improved by taking into account other factors that may affect people catching colds or absenteeism.

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Cappuccino☆
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沙发

发表于 2005-12-21 15:38:59 |只看该作者

刚刚改完你的issue,觉得很不错的~~现在又来一篇~~呵呵
同样,先占个沙发！！

去IIT的联系我MSN噢：isabel_0522@hotmail.com
我的BLOG: http://blog.sina.com.cn/moonsetbeach

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Cappuccino☆
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板凳

发表于 2005-12-21 17:29:56 |只看该作者

哈哈~~刚刚大致浏览了一下~~几乎和我的那篇写的一模一样啊~~~

去IIT的联系我MSN噢：isabel_0522@hotmail.com
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地板

发表于 2005-12-21 18:18:57 |只看该作者

学习学习----

You want to be really great?

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琦谋妙计
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5楼

发表于 2005-12-21 22:19:33 |只看该作者

先占个坐，晚上研究研究，明天发表意见，呵呵

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hunson
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6楼

发表于 2005-12-21 22:47:05 |只看该作者

In this argument the speaker asserts that use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement from fish oil, could prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To substitute his conclusion, the speaker reasons that eating fish can prevent colds because nearby East Meria people eat much and they scarcely see the doctor for the colds. Colds are the common reason for absence from school and work. The speaker’s argument is flawed in several critical respects.
[恩，不错，该提到的因果都说了]
To begin with, the fact that fish consumption is high near East Meria is not the necessary reason for the people who seldom visit the doctor for the treatment of colds. As colds are not very serious, many people tend not to see the doctor. And they maybe eat some medicine without the doctor’s prescription. Even if the people of East Merias seldom catch colds, the reasons may be various: the weather may be good for healthy; the people may like sports and they are strong enough not to catch colds; the other food may benefit to their healthy; there are few old and children who are accessible to catch the colds. In addition, eating fish can help East Meria people prevent colds; it may not work for people in West Meria or other places. Perhaps people in West Meria or other places will not be able to be protected by eating fish because they have certain inner situation such as physical & psychological or the outer situation such as the weather differences to people in East Meria. The only fact they eat substantial fish can not safely illustrates the reason that they seldom pay a visit to the doctor for the colds.[举例很多，论证比较充实，但我觉得放在第三段攻击比较好可，第二段攻击感冒和缺勤的关系比较合适]

Even if the assumption of fish can prevent the colds, the arguer may be doubtable to recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from the fish oil. In fact there are fundamental differences between the fish and fish oil. There are many other gradients of fish besides the fish oil such as the meat and the scale. And the fish oil is not equal to Ichthaid, too. Therefore, even though eating fish can effectively prevent colds, the arguer can not guarantee that the Ichthaid has the same function. What’s more, the speaker does not provide the relative information about the Ichthaid such as its positive or negative effect. [Information too vague ，这点逻辑错误攻击到了] The people who get cold may not take this for they know nothing about it even if it does work.

It is groundless for the reason of absenteeism in schools and workplaces. The arguer failed to provide enough evidence to ensure us that the absence is due to colds。No evidence or further statistical data have been supplied to prove the assumptions. Although in some occasion, the people frequently prefer to take colds as the alibi[这个词太生僻，而且用在这里词义似乎有差] for escaping from the school and workplace. Some people may pretend to be ill because they get up later or they do not like the work or the teacher. Some may mistake other ill as colds only because of similar symptom. Actually, many other reasons may lead to absenteeism: they are late because of the traffic or get up late; they do not like the school and the work; something happen in their home. The colds are the only one reason for absence[最后在总一下，收收尾似乎逻辑更严密].

To sum up, before introducing the Ichthaid into the school and workplace to reduce the absenteeism, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from some angles and the speaker should provide several more relative proofs to convince us. It can be further improved by taking into account other factors that may affect people catching colds or absenteeism.

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黄川
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7楼

发表于 2005-12-22 01:03:27 |只看该作者

占座先

In this argument the speaker asserts that use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement from fish oil, could prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To substitute 错了substantiate his conclusion, the speaker reasons that eating fish can prevent colds because nearby East Meria people eat much and they scarcely see the doctor for the colds. 加个过渡词吧。 Colds are the common reason for absence from school and work. The speaker’s argument is flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, the fact that fish consumption is high near East Meria is not the necessary reason for the people who seldom visit the doctor for the treatment of colds. As colds are not very serious, disease 最好加maybe many people tend not to see the doctor. And they maybe eat some medicine without the doctor’s prescription. Even if the people of East Merias seldom catch colds, the reasons may be various: the weather may be good for healthy; the people may like sports and they are strong enough not to catch colds; the other food may benefit to their healthy; there are few old and children who are accessible to catch the colds. In addition, eating fish can help East Meria people prevent colds; it may not work for people in West Meria or other places. Perhaps people in West Meria or other places will not be able to be protected by eating fish because they have certain inner situation such as physical & psychological or the outer situation such as the weather differences to people in East Meria. The only fact they eat substantial fish can not safely illustrates the reason that they seldom pay a visit to the doctor for the colds. 论证很充分的说。

Even if the assumption of fish can prevent the colds, the arguer may be doubtable to recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from the fish oil. In fact there are fundamental differences between the fish and fish oil. There are many other gradients of fish besides the fish oil such as the meat and the scale. And the fish oil is not equal to Ichthaid, too. Therefore, even though eating fish can effectively prevent colds, the arguer can not guarantee that the Ichthaid has the same function. What’s more, the speaker does not provide the relative information about the Ichthaid such as its positive or negative effect. The people who get cold may not take this for they know nothing about it even if it does work. 缺少个结尾句吧。

It is groundless for the reason of absenteeism in schools and workplaces. The arguer failed to provide enough evidence to ensure us that the absence is due to colds。No evidence or further statistical data have been supplied to prove the assumptions. Although in some occasion, the people frequently prefer to take colds as the alibi for escaping from the school and workplace. Some people may pretend to be ill because they get up later or they do not like the work or the teacher. Some may mistake other ill as colds only because of similar symptom symptoms. Actually, many other reasons may lead to absenteeism: they are late because of the traffic or get up late; they do not like the school and the work; something happen in their home. The colds are the only one reason for absence. 这一句似乎错了。

To sum up, before introducing the Ichthaid into the school and workplace to reduce the absenteeism, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from some angles and the speaker should provide several more relative proofs to convince us. It can be further improved by taking into account other factors that may affect people catching colds or absenteeism.

总结：不错的说。看了你的issue 很PF

[ Last edited by 黄川 on 2005-12-22 at 12:48 ]

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琦谋妙计
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8楼

发表于 2005-12-22 10:33:19 |只看该作者

In this argument the speaker asserts that use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement from fish oil, could prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To substitute his conclusion, the speaker reasons that eating fish can prevent colds because nearby East Meria people eat much and they scarcely see the doctor for the colds. Colds are the common reason for absence from school and work. The speaker’s argument is flawed in several critical respects.(开头很好的转述了原文的观点，用猴哥的话说，准备发起进攻，呵呵。Ps: to substitute his conclusion什么意思？ )

To begin with, the fact that fish consumption is high near East Meria is not the necessary reason for the people who seldom visit the doctor for the treatment of colds. （总说）As colds are not very serious, many people tend not to see the doctor. And they maybe eat some medicine without the doctor’s prescription. （原因1：大家不去看感冒）Even if the people of East Merias seldom catch colds, the reasons may be various: the weather may be good for healthy; （原因二：气候）the people may like sports and they are strong enough not to catch colds;（原因三：锻炼）the other food may benefit to their healthy; （原因四：其他食品作用）there are few old and children who are accessible to catch the colds.（原因五：年龄组成） In addition, eating fish can help East Meria people prevent colds;（能不能加个让步的词语？） it may not work for people in West Meria or other places. Perhaps people in West Meria or other places will not be able to be protected by eating fish because they have certain inner situation such as physical &（能用这种符号么？呵呵） psychological or the outer situation such as the weather differences to people in East Meria. The only fact they eat substantial fish can not safely illustrates the reason that they seldom pay a visit to the doctor for the colds.（总说）

Even if the assumption of fish can prevent the colds, the arguer may be doubtable to recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from the fish oil.（第二论进攻） In fact there are fundamental differences between the fish and fish oil. （这一句如果改成：fish oil仅仅只是鱼的一部分，而起到抗感冒作用的可能是鱼其他的部分是不是更严谨？）There are many other gradients of fish besides the fish oil such as the meat and the scale. And the fish oil is not equal to Ichthaid, too. Therefore, even though eating fish can effectively prevent colds, the arguer can not guarantee that the Ichthaid has the same function. What’s more, the speaker does not provide the relative information about the Ichthaid such as its positive or negative effect. The people who get cold may not take this for they know nothing about it even if it does work.

It is groundless for the reason of absenteeism in schools and workplaces. The arguer failed to provide enough evidence to ensure us that the absence is due to colds。No evidence or further statistical data have been supplied to prove the assumptions. Although in some occasion, the people frequently prefer to take colds as the alibi（这么牛的词都用上了） for escaping from the school and workplace. Some people may pretend to be ill because they get up later or they do not like the work or the teacher. Some may mistake other ill as colds only because of similar symptom. Actually, many other reasons may lead to absenteeism: they are late because of the traffic or get up late; they do not like the school and the work; something happen in their home. The colds are the only one reason for absence.（最后这句什么意思？莫非赞成了题目的观点？）

To sum up, before introducing the Ichthaid into the school and workplace to reduce the absenteeism,（这一句加上：and to prevent colds 是不是更好？） the evidence given in the argument should be examined from some angles and the speaker should provide several more relative proofs to convince us. It can be further improved by taking into account other factors that may affect people catching colds or absenteeism.

楼主很牛，全文结构清晰，说理充分。语言上毛病也很少（或者是我水平低看不出来？汗），赞一个

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calsunny
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9楼

发表于 2005-12-22 14:55:12 |只看该作者

哇，谢谢大家的修改，辛苦了，自己写过之后感觉很不好。觉得都是骨架，没有血和肉。好好学习ing!

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calsunny
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10楼

发表于 2005-12-22 15:21:42 |只看该作者

In this argument the speaker asserts that use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement from fish oil, could prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To substantiatete his conclusion, the speaker reasons that eating fish can prevent colds because nearby East Meria people eat much and they scarcely see the doctor for the colds. Colds are the common reason for absence from school and work(感觉这句放在这很难受的，但也不知道怎么改？). The speaker’s argument is flawed in several critical respects.[恩，不错，该提到的因果都说了----还不知道如何转述作者的话呢！]

To begin with, it is groundless for the reason of absenteeism in schools and workplaces. The arguer failed to provide enough evidence to ensure us that the absence is due to colds。No evidence or further statistical data have been supplied to prove the assumptions. Although in some occasion, the people frequently prefer to take colds as the alibi[这个词太生僻，而且用在这里词义似乎有差---就想表达借口托辞的意思，大家能否帮我换个词啊？] for escaping from the schools and workplaces. Some people may pretend to be ill because they get up later or they do not like the work or the teacher(这一部分去掉和后面有点重复了). Some(改为Others) may mistake other ill as colds only because of similar symptoms. Actually, many other reasons may lead to absenteeism: they are late because of the traffic or get up late; they do not like the school and the work; something happen in their home. In a word,the colds are not the only one reason for absence while what the speaker says are misleading the reader [

Furthermore， the fact that fish consumption is high near East Meria is not the necessary reason for the people who seldom visit the doctor for the treatment of colds. As colds are not very serious, many people tend not to see the doctor. And they maybe eat some medicine without the doctor’s prescription. Even if the people of East Merias seldom catch colds, the reasons may be various: the weather may be good for healthy; the people may like sports and they are strong enough not to catch colds; the other food may benefit to their healthy; there are few old and children who are accessible to catch the colds. In addition, eating fish can help East Meria people prevent colds;(，前面已经有in additon 了，所以这没有用。) it may not work for people in West Meria or other places. Perhaps people in West Meria or other places will not be able to be protected by eating fish because they have certain inner situation such as physical &(我也不知道是否可用，用 or 和后面的又有问题了) psychological or the outer situation such as the weather differences to people in East Meria. The only fact they eat substantial fish can not safely illustrates the reason that they seldom pay a visit to the doctor for the colds.[举例很多，论证比较充实，但我觉得放在第三段攻击比较好可，第二段攻击感冒和缺勤的关系比较合适-----谢谢，已经调整了！]

Even if the assumption of fish can prevent the colds, the arguer may be doubtable to recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from the fish oil. In fact there are fundamental differences between the fish and fish oil. There are many other gradients of fish besides the fish oil such as the meat and the scale(这一句能否表达鱼油是鱼的组成部分？). And the fish oil is not equal to Ichthaid, too. Therefore, even though eating fish can effectively prevent colds, the arguer can not guarantee that the Ichthaid has the same function. What’s more, the speaker does not provide the relative information about the Ichthaid such as its positive or negative effect. The people who get colds may not take this for they know nothing about it even if it does work.Because the speaker makes the fish equal to fish oil then makes fish oil equal to Ichthaid, his conclusion is fallacy .

To sum up, before introducing the Ichthaid into the school and workplace to reduce the absenteeism, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from some angles and the speaker should provide several more relative proofs to convince us. It can be further improved by taking into account other factors that may affect people catching colds or absenteeism.

[ Last edited by calsunny on 2005-12-22 at 15:25 ]

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