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[i习作temp] Issue147 ToHeart互改组，欢迎参观 [复制链接]

dinddind2003
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2006-1-19 15:40:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC：ISSUE 147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."

It is true that sometimes tradition which means value, custom, behavior handed down generation by generation and modernization which stands for new value and industrialization are exclusive, however it is very useful and possible that we join them together since both of them have their value to our society.

Admittedly, sometimes tradition and modernization are contractive. If we choose one we have to abandon the other. In the past it is the tradition that women have no right to vote and attend politics but now they are free to be active in society, because people accept the new method of democracy rather than discrimination. For hundreds of years it has also been the tradition that people travel by houses, farm by water buffalo and produce goods by their own hands, but now human beings transform to use planes, network machines and so on. Another example is that there are many old buildings standing for the custom long ago whose existence usually goes against the new plan to build a modern city. Shall we replace these old buildings with the style ones? Of course we can choose only one between them.

However, tradition and modernization have their own value. First, tradition, if is harmful such as the belief that there must be a deity coming to this world to control every thing, has already been throw away, so most tradition that is handed down through hundreds of years is possible to be useful. For example, nearly every country has had a fixed day to remember a very important person since its foundation. This tradition can make tied people in that country much more together and more patriotic. Second, modernization, aimed to improve our life and our sprits, is very important for our civilization to make process. Due to modernization, human beings can fly in the sky, travel in the sea as well as change a bad organ in to a good one; it is also due to modernization, people put more emphasis on the equality and justice in modern society compared to the past world full of the cry of the slaves.

Furthermore, to maximize the value of tradition and modernization, people should and can join them together. Modernization allows people to travel more convenient than before, as a result, people can go to old famous places with a long distance in a short time, for example, Americans all of the country can go to see the Statue of Liberty at any time, which also helps to make people more patriotic. Additionally, if these old famous places are in danger, modernization gives people strong tools such as protection layer, which can protect buildings from acid rain, to save them. Some tradition such as the style of paintings and music is also well combined with the modern method of art, which presents people a remarkable feeling. And the tradition that parents should raise their children has been written into the law to make sure children are well protected, if not, there may be much more week and homeless children, which is sure to increase the instable elements of the society so as to prevent its process.

In sum, although some tradition and modernization are exclusive, in most case people can have combine both of them to make maximum benefits.

12.8, 3.10豆腐战役

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forever远
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沙发

发表于 2006-1-19 17:06:07 |只看该作者

第一次改作文请见量

:handshakeTOPIC：ISSUE 147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."

It is true that sometimes tradition which means value, custom, behavior handed down generation by generation and modernization which stands for new value and industrialization are exclusive, however it is very useful and possible that we join them together since both of them have their value to our society.

Admittedly, sometimes tradition and modernization are contractive(收缩的？）. If we choose one we have to abandon the other. In the past it is the tradition that women have no right to vote and attend politics but now they are free to be active in society, because people accept the new method （conception 可能好一点）of democracy rather than discrimination. For hundreds of years it has also been the tradition that people travel by houses, farm by water buffalo and produce goods by their own hands, but now human beings transform to use planes, network machines and so on.（最好与上对应一下） Another example is that there are many old buildings standing for the custom long ago whose existence usually goes against the new plan to build a modern city. Shall we replace these old buildings with the style ones? Of course we can choose only one between them.（交通运输的例子说明现代化带来的便利，并不能说明矛盾）
However, tradition and modernization have their own value.（构成转折么） First, tradition, if (which)is harmful such as the belief that there must be a deity coming to this world to control every thing, has already been throw away, so most tradition that is handed down through hundreds of years is possible to be useful. For example, nearly every country has had a fixed day to remember a very important person since its foundation. This tradition can make tied(make tied 用tie（就可以了）） people in that country much more together and more patriotic. Second, modernization, aimed to improve our life and our sprits, is very important for our civilization to make process. Due to modernization, human beings can fly in the sky, travel in the sea as well as change a bad organ in to a good one; it is also due to modernization,（注意主语不止一个） people put more emphasis on the equality and justice in modern society compared to the past world full of the cry of the slaves.（并列句用的好，从不同方面（科技和政治）说明了现代化好处）
Furthermore, to maximize the value of tradition and modernization, people should and can join them together. Modernization allows people to travel more convenient(conveniently) than before, as a result, people can go to old famous places with a long distance in a short time, for example,(最好另起一句，否则多个主语） Americans all of the country can go to see the Statue of Liberty at any time, which also helps to make people more patriotic. Additionally, if these old famous places are in danger, modernization gives people strong tools such as protection layer, which can protect buildings from acid rain, to save them. Some tradition such as the style of paintings and music is also well combined with the modern method of art, which presents people a remarkable feeling. And the tradition that parents should raise their children has been written into the law to make sure children are well protected, if not, there may be much more week （weak)and homeless children, which is sure to increase the instable elements of the society so as to prevent its process. (progress or advancement)
In sum, although some tradition and modernization are exclusive, in most case people can have(可省略） combine both of them to make maximum benefits.
:handshake本文从三个层次说明论点，行文流畅，逻辑明显，只是有些句子不够地道和少量语法错误，第一次改作文，请见量。:)

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dinddind2003
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板凳

发表于 2006-1-19 22:15:19 |只看该作者

It is true that sometimes tradition which means value, custom, behavior handed down generation by generation and modernization which stands for new value and industrialization are exclusive, however it is very useful and possible that we join them together since both of them have their value to our society.

Admittedly, sometimes tradition and modernization are contractive(收缩的？）(counteractive). If we choose one we have to abandon the other. In the past it is the tradition that women have no right to vote and attend politics but now they are free to be active in society, because people accept the new conception （conception 可能好一点）(支持)of democracy rather than discrimination. For hundreds of years it has also been the tradition that people travel by houses, farm by water buffalo and produce goods by their own hands, but now human beings transform to use planes, network machines and so on( because high technology washes away the old style of life.这样对应行吧)（最好与上对应一下） Another example is that there are many old buildings standing for the custom long ago whose existence usually goes against the new plan to build a modern city. Shall we replace these old buildings with the steely ones? Of course we can choose only one between them.（交通运输的例子说明现代化带来的便利，并不能说明矛盾）(我交通的例子是人们以前用牛，而现在改成用现代化的工具，可见抛弃了以前的交通方式，并不是想说明交通带来的便利阿)

However (On the other hand 行不行？), tradition and modernization have their own value.（构成转折么） First, tradition, if (which)is harmful such as the belief that there must be a deity coming to this world to control every thing, has already been throw away, so most tradition that is handed down through hundreds of years is possible to be useful. For example, nearly every country has had a fixed day to remember a very important person since its foundation. This tradition can tie(make tied 用tie（就可以了））(支持) people in that country much more together and more patriotic. Second, modernization, aimed to improve our life and our sprits, is very important for our civilization to make process. Due to modernization, human beings can fly in the sky, travel in the sea as well as change a bad organ in to a good one. It is also due to modernization,（注意主语不止一个）(分成两句话得了) people put more emphasis on the equality and justice in modern society compared to the past world full of the cry of the slaves.（并列句用的好，从不同方面（科技和政治）说明了现代化好处）(谢谢，我都没主意到)

Furthermore, to maximize the value of tradition and modernization, people should and can join them together. Modernization allows people to travel more conveniently (conveniently) (支持) than before, as a result, people can go to old famous places with a long distance in a short time. For example,(最好另起一句，否则多个主语）(分成两句了) Americans all of the country can go to see the Statue of Liberty at any time, which also helps to make people more patriotic. Additionally, if these old famous places are in danger, modernization gives people strong tools such as protection layer, which can protect buildings from acid rain, to save them. Some tradition such as the style of paintings and music is also well combined with the modern method of art, which presents people a remarkable feeling. And the tradition that parents should raise their children has been written into the law to make sure children are well protected, if not, there may be much more weak （weak) (笔误) and homeless children, which is sure to increase the instable elements of the society so as to prevent its progress. (progress or advancement) (改了)

In sum, although some tradition and modernization are exclusive, in most case people can have(可省略）(笔误，开始没有想写have的阿) combine both of them to make maximum benefits

12.8, 3.10豆腐战役

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forever远
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地板

发表于 2006-1-20 15:46:12 |只看该作者

组长的认真态度让我佩服只是一些小错而已没有大碍呵呵

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forever远
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5楼

发表于 2006-1-20 15:50:38 |只看该作者

咱们作业在哪没有找到这次的
还有我发了上次的没人改是不是发的地方不对或者格式不对请教！！！

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dinddind2003
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6楼

发表于 2006-1-20 19:32:22 |只看该作者

呵呵，你新来还不知道，看到一楼通知的楼层分配了吗？你是第四页49楼，你要把作业链接放在49楼，只要点击右下方的“编辑”就可以编辑了。还要再看一下31楼对作业格式的规定，只要交了就会有人改的，放心吧。组员们的作业都是这样交的。不过现在多数人只交了一次。

[ 本帖最后由 dinddind2003 于 2006-1-20 19:34 编辑 ]

12.8, 3.10豆腐战役

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