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[经典批改讨论] Issue141 12月高强组第一周周六作业 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2006-11-23 17:46:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
WORDS: 748       TIME: 0:45:00       DATE: 2006-11-23

提纲:
1, 个性让人们取得杰出的成就, 是成功的刺激因素 -
2, 共性让人们能了解客观环境, 是成功的基础 +
3, 随着人类知识的进步, 很多个性正转变为共性. 而对我们而言, 正确地掌握这两种素质是很必要的 Development

  Ever doubt about the success reason of those outstanding in business, fortune and authority? What makes them so different from common people, who share the same body structures and growing environment? Just like most people recognize, I think it is exactly strong individuality that impels them to positions of honor. Nevertheless, conformity is also indispensable for success in economy for individuals, since this is a character making a person stand on earth and understand commonsense, as well as analyze the consistent environment. In this sense, individuality is a stimulus for personal economic success, while conformity plays as a basic structure.

  We are all born as the same, with brains to think, legs to walk and eyes to see. Even education system is placing conformity into our ways of thinking, observing and studying. But after years of efforts, what we gained will be diversified far from each other, some become millionaires, some own big companies, some may still stay in a small house with low salaries and common living conditions. Despite of certain environments like wars, natural disasters and so forth, there are still many people sharing a similar condition. So the conclusion can be easily drawn that those who gain distinct success have got their unique individuality, including abilities to cooperate and communicate, effective methods to analyze existing conditions and more important, strong will to realize their dreams, no matter how hard they are. Many ones may refer to Bill Gates when asked about who is the world's most successful enterpriser. Depending on his unique way to start career, deserted school life and entered market early, Gates managed to develop DOS as only a green man in society. Such a genius-like feat built him the base of today's software empire--Microsoft. It may be tempting to assume that he finished his education as those around him, and just take a step into some companies after graduation, he might have obtained similar feat. However, if this is reality, his outstanding ability in software developing is still necessary. Therefore, individuality is very important for one's economic success, since it separate the elite from common people.

  Nevertheless, this does not mean one should be strange, unique or even frantic to succeed. Oppositely, conformity is as important as individuality, or even more necessary. Consider a man without individuality, he may feel so easy to be neglected by the society, but can still live a normal life. By contrast, a man without conformity will be trapped into misunderstanding, ignoring or even excluding. Modern society present us an evitable web, linking us together and requiring conformity to be adapted to it.

  Conformity includes diversified aspects, from ethos, morality, natural science to aesthetic value and philosophy. Only after obtaining conformity in all these aspects, one can comprehensively understand his environment, condition and possible support for success. If not, he may feel himself lost, especially on economic issues. Van Gogh, the genius painter for example, suffered from poor all his life. Although his contribution in modern art is considered as splendid, he was totally failed in personal economy. His strong individuality made him diversified from society, even broken up with his good friend, Paul Gauguin. At last, this individuality killed himself after his last painting. From Van Gogh's tragedy, we may see the disadvantage of lacking of conformity. Although some one may take Van Gogh as successful according to his passionate life, it seems to me it would be more perfect if he used his genius for a better life.

  Additionally, with the development of society, it is harder to assess the individuality that can bring personal economic success now. Because more and more people learn from others' experiences, much individuality becomes conformity generally. For example, twenty years ago, in China the ability to speak English can help a person gain many chances on doing business, since there were so few people who learned English. It is undoubtedly English is an individuality at that time, however, it now becomes a very common tool for young generation to communicate with the world. Hence, realizing new trend of individuality and indispensability of conformity is a necessary topic for our success today.

  To sum up, neither of individuality and conformity can be deserted for one's personal economic success, though the function of individuality seems to be more direct and effective. As economic condition is fundamentally determining our living quality, it is important for us to seek both individuality and conformity that can contribute to our success--therefore bringing us a better society.

感觉例子太俗了, 写完就后悔了，帐单大门和凡高同学都是作文常用五大才子, 到时候雷同的危险很大. 考试的时候再遇到肯定换成什么建筑师

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-23 20:29 编辑 ]

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一月一号
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沙发

发表于 2006-11-26 00:18:10 |只看该作者

感觉大家都是在论证个性，我怎么觉得题目只是说conformity是成功的必要条件，而非充分条件，这样是否是跑题的呢？

安静的守望

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板凳

发表于 2006-11-26 08:51:26 |只看该作者

...................................
b2论证个性重要
b3论证共性
b4共性
b5平衡论点
写的很不错呀

追求
我不放弃
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真正的光明决不是永没有黑暗的时间，只是永不被黑暗所掩蔽罢了。真正的英雄决不是永没有卑下的情操，只是永不被卑下的情操所屈服罢了。

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扁舟子001
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地板

发表于 2006-11-26 20:39:05 |只看该作者

修改

Issue141 12月高强组第一周周六作业

TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
WORDS: 748（你不是吓我吧？）       TIME: 0:45:00       DATE: 2006-11-23

提纲:
1, 个性让人们取得杰出的成就, 是成功的刺激因素 -
2, 共性（comformity你的解释是共性？）让人们能了解客观环境, 是成功的基础 +
3, 随着人类知识的进步, 很多个性正转变为共性. 而对我们而言, 正确地掌握这两种素质是很必要的 Development

  Ever doubt about the success reason of those outstanding in business, fortune and authority? What makes them so different from common people, who share the same body structures and growing environment? Just like most people recognize, I think it is exactly strong individuality that impels them to positions of honor. Nevertheless, conformity is also indispensable for success in economy for individuals, since this is a character（这是什么？） making a person stand on earth （没明白意思）and understand commonsense, as well as analyze the consistent environment. In this sense, individuality is a stimulus for personal economic success, while conformity plays as a basic structure.

  We are all born as the same, with brains to think, legs to walk and eyes to see. Even education system is placing conformity into our ways of thinking, observing and studying. But after years of efforts, what we gained will be diversified far from each other, some become millionaires, some own big companies, some may still stay in a small house with low salaries and common living conditions. Despite of certain environments like wars, natural disasters and so forth, there are still many people sharing a similar condition. So the conclusion can be easily drawn that those who gain distinct success have got their unique individuality, including abilities to cooperate and communicate, effective methods to analyze existing conditions and more important, strong will to realize their dreams, no matter how hard they are. Many ones may refer to Bill Gates when asked about who is the world's most successful enterpriser. Depending on his unique way to start career, deserted school life and entered market early, Gates managed to develop DOS as only a green man in society. Such a genius-like feat built him the base of today's software empire--Microsoft. It may be tempting to assume that he finished his education as those around him, and just take a step into some companies after graduation, he might have obtained similar feat. However, if this is reality（这个要用虚拟语气吗？）, his outstanding ability in software developing is still necessary. Therefore, individuality is very important for one's economic success, since it separate the elite from common people.（我也举了gates的例子，估计千千万万的人都这样做了，我们是不是会判为抄袭？）

  Nevertheless, this does not mean one should be strange, unique or even frantic to succeed（没有搞清楚为什么要这样用前面几个形容词）. Oppositely, conformity is as important as individuality, or even more necessary. Consider a man without individuality, he may feel so easy to be neglected by the society, but can still live a normal life. By contrast, a man without conformity will be trapped into misunderstanding, ignoring or even excluding（也没有搞清楚这三个形容词的用意）. Modern society presents us an evitable web, linking us together and requiring conformity to be adapted to it（这句话读起来不太顺）.

  Conformity includes diversified aspects, from ethos, morality, natural science to aesthetic value and philosophy. Only after obtaining conformity in all these aspects, one can comprehensively understand his environment, condition and possible support for success. If not, he may feel himself lost, especially on economic issues. Van Gogh, the genius painter for example, suffered from poor（poverty） (throughtout)all his life. Although his contribution in modern art is considered as splendid, he was totally failed in personal economy. His strong individuality made him diversified from society, even broken up with his good friend, Paul Gauguin. At last, this individuality killed himself after his last painting. From Van Gogh's tragedy, we may see the disadvantage of lacking of conformity. Although some one may take Van Gogh as successful (artist) according to his passionate life, it seems to me it would be more perfect if he used his genius for a better life. ( 只能说他生不逢时呀)

  Additionally, with the development of society, it is harder to assess the individuality that can bring personal economic success now. Because more and more people learn from others' experiences, much individuality becomes conformity generally. For example, twenty years ago, in China the ability to speak English can help a person gain many chances on doing business, since there were so few people who learned English. It is undoubtedly English is an individuality at that time, however, it now becomes a very common tool for young generation to communicate with the world. Hence, realizing new trend of individuality and indispensability of conformity is a necessary topic for our success today.

  To sum up, neither of individuality and conformity can be deserted for one's personal economic success, though the function of individuality seems to be more direct and effective. As economic condition is fundamentally determining our living quality, it is important for us to seek both individuality and conformity that can contribute to our success--therefore bringing us a better society.
你的文章好长呀。真佩服写这么多字。
你和我对这个问题的理解好像有一些不同。你的理解是共性和个性。我理解是一致性和个性。这个暂时不提。文章总体结构和论证都不错，美中不足的不足的就是个别句子我怎么看不明白，特别是有两个句子用了好几个形容词做排比的时候。我没有看懂你排比的用意何在。

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