[a习作temp] Argument45 :大跃进小组第三次作业by liupeng19850214 18# [复制链接]

    At the first glance ,this argument seems to be somewhat convincing ,but further reflection tells me that I can not agree with it for the following reasons .Admittedly ,there are many factors may(perhaps,may的词性不可以用在这里) making the population（你想表达数量下降的意思吧，make显然不对） of one species such as change of environment ,shortage of food and so forth .With the conclusion that the lose of migration pattern results to （in导致用in）the decline in arctic deer populations , the author only give（第三人称单数，此外这里用provide好一点） little evidence and related information（整体这一句话而言，作者并没有提供少的证据阿，只不过是证据有漏洞，argu是攻击作者逻辑漏洞的，因而一般情况下在开头都说证据不可信，而只有针对具体一个方面时才说证据不足） ,which lends no（incredible 这个是不是好一点） support to this argument .

     First of all ,that "according to reports from local hunters ,the deer populations are declining " should be considered carefully .Samples for any survey should be statistically reliable ,which would make the survey cogent （模版了吧，你自己看看意思，觉得这句用在这个地方好吗，不是说不能用模版，而是你这里不该用）.In this argument ,the author gives no forceful evidence and information to support this survey such as the number of hunters ,credibility of answers and so on .Maybe the activity of hunters  is limited in some special area and they could only find a few deer-（这种破折号应该是两个连字符）a small proportion of the whole population of deer .And it is also extremely possible that the hunters   lied to investigators for some aims like that the declining in arctic deer should cause the government to pay much more attention to protection of environment （不错，这个观点好）.Maybe the hunters failed to give the correct number .Due to the above mentioned analysis ,the author should provide more specific information about this survey to make this argument forceful and cogent.

     Moreover ,the fact （that）recent global warming trends caused the sea ice to melt lends no support to this argument .The author should provide enough information about the extent of the global warming .Maybe the temperature only increase 0.01 centigrade that would not melt the glacial ice obviously .On the other hand ,that if（whether） the global warming trends would melt the ice in Canada's arctic region should be considered .The melting of ice in some area depends on many points like geographical location ,physical activity of continent and so on .Only depending on such limited evidence- the global warming ,this argument could not persuade readers to believe the conclusion that the recent global warming trends caused the sea ice to melt , then influenced the deer' migration patterns .

     Finally ,even if the survey is reliable and the global warming trends caused the sea ice to melt which influences the migration patterns of Arctic deer ,the author could not assert that the decline in arctic populations is(result 这里作动词了) result from the change of their migration patterns .As mentioned in the first section ,there are many factors making the population of deer decline .Hunting ,for example ,is the main ways that cause the extinction of species .Lots of Arctic deer is shooting（被动） by the hunters because of their value in medicine ,food ,etc ,which would decrease the number of deer .In addition ,many other reasons would make the arctic deer populations decline like the influence of some rays ,the decline in born rates and so on .All this cases the author should provide relating information about to make his/her conclusion forceful .

     To sum up , this argument has not convinced the readers to believe（convince已经有相信的意思了，后面又是believe，不好吧，convince换成have）his/her conclusion . The author should provide more evidence and specific information about the reliability of the survey ,the extent of the global warming ,ruling out other possible factors causing the decline in the population and so forth to make the final conclusion forceful and cogent

大有进步，语言有所提高，逻辑也很清楚，继续注意句式和一些细节。