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Ada2007
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-3-25 21:21:47 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：ISSUE4 - "No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study."

The speaker claims that each field of study must  learn knowledge and experience from outsiders  to advance significantly. In my observation, I concede  that outsiders' knowledge and experience indeed facilitate the development of field of study. Yet, the importance of effort from inner researchers should not be ignored. It also contributes profoundly to that field.

First and foremost, by learning knowledge and experience from outsides and utilizing their technologies serves to promote the growth of any field of study.Take Game Theory for an example. John Nash build a model by Math theory to analysis and solve the complex economic problems. With his mathematical model for economic, people in business can make a best choice when faced with complex commercial situation. In this sense, studying outsides' knowledge always has positive effect on inside field. In addition, by means of other fields' new technologies, certain researchers of field of study often make some great discoveries and propel the development  of their own field. Consider a series of discoveries of elements in field of chemistry. Alkali was discovered, since the batteries were invented. The discovery of Rb and Cs was attributed to the advance of technologies in the realm of optics. But for such physical techniques were invented, most of these elements would not be detected by researchers of chemistry. Under such circumstance, learning outside experience and utilizing their technical innovations, many fields of study can be promoted considerably.

Moreover, infusing outside knowledge and experience into certain fields of study always creates some new fields, which contribute profoundly to the whole society. An apt illustration of this point involves the biochemistry which is combined biology and chemistry. Such new discipline promote the development of medicine. Many of new kinds of treatment attributed to biochemistry. Without the occurrence of biochemistry, many patients would be treated by traditional and ineffective means. On the basis of biochemistry, another discipline, Material occurred, which is the fusion among chemistry, physics and biochemistry. Material contribute a lot in the development of Computer science, which contribute to variety of aspects of modern society. Therefore, such new crossed disciplines serve to the development of our society.

However, the efforts from any field of study should not be overlooked, since a series of significant discoveries and breakthrough due to it. Newton, who discovery the law of gravity only study physics instead of learning other disciplines. Copernicus's heliocentric theory stems from his long-term observation and  hard calculation irrelative of  any outside knowledge and experience. Just waited for other disciplines’ new discoveries and theories, they would not acquire so great accomplishment. Apparently, to advance significantly. any researchers have to strive by themselves, let alone waiting for learning outside's experience and knowledge.

In sum, because of the  aforementioned reasons, it is not difficult to draw a conclusion that we should call for a balance between inner efforts and outside's experience to advance significantly, no matter in any field of study.

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iq28
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发表于 2007-3-25 23:44:05 |只看该作者

The speaker claims that each field of study must  learn knowledge and experience from outsiders to advance significantly. In my observation, I concede that outsiders' knowledge and experience indeed facilitate the development of field of study. Yet, the importance of effort from inner researchers should not be ignored. It also contributes profoundly to that field. (简明给出平衡观念.好)

First and foremost, by learning knowledge and experience from outsides and utilizing their technologies serves (语病) to promote the growth of any field of study. (举例前最好要有论证) Take Game Theory for an example. John Nash build a model by Math theory to analysis (这是名词) and solve the complex economic problems. With his mathematical model for economic, people in business can make a best choice when faced with complex commercial situation. (博弈理论没那么神奇.过分夸张了) In this sense, studying outsides' knowledge always has positive effect on inside field. (重复ts,没有深入论证.不过例子确实相当match) In addition, (上一层没有论证,所以只能从你的例子来猜测你要论证什么.纳什是一个人掌握两个学科的本事搞出博弈论,这个层次说别的领域的方法可以促进本领域发展.跟上一层谈不上in addition的递进关系,甚至还杂糅在了一起) by means of other fields' new technologies, certain researchers of field of study often make some great discoveries and propel the development  of their own field. (又是没有论证直接进入例子) Consider a series of discoveries of elements in field of chemistry. Alkali was discovered, since the batteries were invented. The discovery of Rb and Cs was attributed to the advance of technologies in the realm of optics. But for such physical techniques were invented, most of these elements would not be detected by researchers of chemistry. (这些例子跟纳什的例子没有本质区别.) Under such circumstance, learning outside experience and utilizing their technical innovations, many fields of study can be promoted considerably. (没有论证直接就结尾了.这个段落首先两个层次划分很勉强,然后没有看到一句正面论证,都是例子的堆彻.比较失败)

Moreover, infusing outside knowledge and experience into certain fields of study always creates some new fields, which contribute profoundly to the whole society. (有跑题嫌疑.本题需要我们讨论的是学科融合对于其中某个学科的好处,并不是要我们讨论整个学科融合的好处.这里的产生新领域,跟原先的领域就不相干了.就算你非要这个观念,你也至少得把产生新领域之后对于原有领域的利益给阐述出来) (居然又是直接给出例子.论证呢???) An apt illustration of this point involves the biochemistry which is combined biology and chemistry. Such new discipline promote(s) the development of medicine. Many of new kinds of treatment attributed to biochemistry. Without the occurrence of biochemistry, many patients would be treated by traditional and ineffective means. On the basis of biochemistry, another discipline, Material occurred, (没看懂.什么意思? ) which is the fusion among chemistry, physics and biochemistry. Material contribute(s) a lot in the development of Computer science, which contribute(s) to variety of aspects of modern society. (没有说到新学科的产生,变成了a帮助b,b帮助c,偏离了本段ts,跟上一段的内容重合了) Therefore, such new crossed disciplines serve to the development of our society.

However, the efforts from any field of study should not be overlooked, since a series of significant discoveries and breakthrough due to it. (ts写的不好.只是说出有用,没有点出将要论证哪个方面) (仍然无论证直接给例子) Newton, who discovery the law of gravity only study physics (严重与史实不符) instead of learning other disciplines. Copernicus's heliocentric theory stems from his long-term observation and hard calculation irrelative of any outside knowledge and experience. (这段我们要论证的是学科内的知识是如何有用,不是要你不停的强调前人的发现是如何跟外界隔绝的) Just waited for other disciplines’ new discoveries and theories, they would not acquire so great accomplishment. (我看到的首句论证.这个倒写的不错.不过只能用作补充的,具体的论证主力应该说学科内的知识是如何起到顶梁柱的作用的) Apparently, to advance significantly, any researchers (去掉s) have (has) to strive by themselves, let alone waiting for learning outside's experience and knowledge. (你这个说的也太绝对了.完全又反驳了前两个body的观念.要的是平衡啊)

In sum, because of the  aforementioned reasons, it is not difficult to draw a conclusion that we should call for a balance (从这里再看你上一段的结尾是否觉得很生硬?) between inner efforts and outside's experience to advance significantly, no matter in any field of study.

body之间的联系有问题
段内的论证太少
几乎就没有看到
加油继续努力

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