[a习作temp] argument179 大家给看看有没有5分，必回(大家可以参考学习的A，by expire7) [复制链接]

ILOVEISSUE
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-3-20 20:56:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT179 - The following is a memorandum written by the director of personnel to the president of the Cedar Corporation.

"It would be a mistake to rehire the Good-Taste Company to supply the food in our employee cafeteria next year. It is the second most expensive caterer in the city. In addition, its prices have risen in each of the last three years, and it refuses to provide meals for people on special diets. Just last month three employees complained to me that they no longer eat in the cafeteria because they find the experience 'unbearable.' Our company should instead hire Discount Foods. Discount is a family-owned local company and it offers a varied menu of fish and poultry. I recently tasted a sample lunch at one of the many companies that Discount serves and it was delicious-an indication that hiring Discount will lead to improved employee satisfaction."
WORDS: 625 TIME: 0:30:00 DATE: 2007-3-20

In this article, the author concludes that the corporation should hire Discount rather than Good-Taste Company. However, close scrutiny on the evidence provided by the author reveals that it lends little credible support to this conclusion.

In the first place, the mere fact that it is the second most expensive caterer and its prices have risen in each of the last three years does not mean their price is not unreasonable. What is service attitude of the company? The author does not mention. It is entirely possible that the company offer satisfactory service which deserves the high price. In addition, the author should take into account the overall price of the restaurant in the city. If the prices in most caterers have risen due to the economic prosperity or due to the increase of the cost of their raw material, then the fact that Cedar Corporation's prices have risen will no longer be surprising. Also, there is an entire possibility that Discount Foods is the most expensive caterer in this city. In such cases, the author's conclusion is open to doubt.

In the second place, refusing to provide meals for people on special diets does not indicate that Good-Taste should not be choosed. What are the content of these kinds of special diets? Are these special diets often provided in other caterers? Or are these diets just the requisition of some customers with strange taste? In addition, the author does not provide any evidence to show the opinions about the employees toward these special diets. Do the employees in Cedar Corporation eat these special diets? Or do they never consume such kind of special diets? Since the author does not provide any information about these diets, I remain unconvinced that Good-Taste Company should not be rehired.

In the third place, complaint in last three months about the cafeteria is little indication that the caterer is not satisfactory. The author does not provide the reason why they are no longer eat the cafeteria. It is entirely possible their complaint is only due to their own appetite. For example, perhaps they are persons that from some special religions, perhaps they are Muslim, and thus they do not want to eat the pork there. If so, then it is not reasonable for the company to change the caterer just for few people.

In the fourth place, the experience of the author fails to convince me that they should choose Discount servers. First, only one time experience may be not representative. Common sense tells me that the taste of the food has much thing to do with the condition of a person. It is entirely possible that at that day, the author' was very hungry and thus his feeling about the food might be much better than it really was. Moreover, even if the feeling of the author is right, it does not mean that other employees will also like this sample lunch. The author does not take into account the difference between taste of different people. For example, it might be the case that the sample lunch is mainly composed with vegetables which is the author's favorite. However, most employees in the company like to eat meal, such as fish, chickens and the like. Furthermore even if the employees will like the sample lunch, then what about the other food? As we all know, most sample lunch may be the best food in this restaurant. If so, and if the other food in the Company is not so satisfactory, then the author's recommendation will be open to doubt.

In sum, this argument has several flaw as discussed above. To substantiate it, the author should provide more evidence to show that they should not rehire with Good-Taste Company.

[ 本帖最后由 ILOVEISSUE 于 2007-4-4 10:19 编辑 ]

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pippo1983
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沙发

发表于 2007-3-20 21:12:20 |只看该作者

argument179 大家给看看有没有5分，必回
TOPIC: ARGUMENT179 - The following is a memorandum written by the director of personnel to the president of the Cedar Corporation.

"It would be a mistake to rehire the Good-Taste Company to supply the food in our employee cafeteria next year. It is the second most expensive caterer in the city. In addition, its prices have risen in each of the last three years, and it refuses to provide meals for people on special diets. Just last month three employees complained to me that they no longer eat in the cafeteria because they find the experience 'unbearable.' Our company should instead hire Discount Foods. Discount is a family-owned local company and it offers a varied menu of fish and poultry. I recently tasted a sample lunch at one of the many companies that Discount serves and it was delicious-an indication that hiring Discount will lead to improved employee satisfaction."
WORDS: 625 TIME: 0:30:00 DATE: 2007-3-20

In this article, the author concludes that the corporation should hire Discount rather than Good-Taste Company. However, close scrutiny on the evidence provided by the author reveals that it lends little credible support to this conclusion.

In the first place, the mere fact that it is the second most expensive caterer and its prices have risen in each of the last three years does not mean their price is not unreasonable （reasonable）. What is service attitude （quality更好些吧）of the company? The author does not mention. It is entirely possible that the company offer satisfactory service which deserves the high price. In addition, the author should take into account the overall price of the restaurant in the city. If the prices in most caterers have risen due to the economic prosperity or due to the increase of the cost of their raw material, then the fact that Cedar Corporation's prices have risen will no longer be surprising. Also, there is an entire possibility that Discount Foods is the most expensive caterer in this city（这个有点武断吧，感觉去掉更好）. In such cases, the author's conclusion is open to doubt.

In the second place, the mere fact that the Good-Taste refuses to provide meals for people on special diets does indicate that they should not choose Good-Taste.（这个作为ts好像唐突了，第二句比较合理） What are the content of these kinds of special diets? Are these special diets often provided in other caterers? Or are these diets just the requisition of some customers with strange taste? In addition, the author does not provide any evidence to show the opinions about the employees toward these special diets. Do the employees in Cedar Corporation eat these special diets? Or do they never consume such kind of special diets? Since the author does not provide any information about these diets, I remain unconvinced that Good-Taste Company should not be rehired.

In the third place, the mere fact that last month three employees complained about the cafeteria is little indication that the caterer is not satisfactory. The author does not provide the reason why they are no longer eat the cafeteria. It is entirely possible their complaint is only due to their own appetite. For example, perhaps they are persons that from some special religions, perhaps they are Muslim（寒一个，muslim一般是不去有猪肉的餐厅，即使自己不吃，也不能待在那里）, and thus they do not want to eat the pork there. If so, then it is not reasonable for the company to change the caterer just for few people.

In the fourth place, the experience of the author fails to convince me that they should choose Discount servers. First, only one time experience may be not representative. Common sense tells me that the taste of the food has much thing to do with the condition of a person. It is entirely possible that at that day, the author' was very hungry and thus his feeling about the food might be much better than it really was. Moreover, even if the feeling of the author is right, it does not mean that other employees will also like this sample lunch. The author does not take into account the difference between taste of different people. For example, it might be the case that the sample lunch is mainly composed with vegetables which is the author's favorite. However, most employees in the company like to eat meal, such as fish, chickens and the like. Furthermore even if the employees will like the sample lunch, then what about the other food? As we all know, most sample lunch may be the best food in this restaurant. If so, and if the other food in the Company is not so satisfactory, then the author's recommendation will be open to doubt. 这段连续让步的很完美

In sum, this argument has several flaw as discussed above. To substantiate it, the author should provide more evidence to show that they should not rehire with Good-Taste Company.

觉得5分应该没问题，这打字速度太恐怖了，请问你是不是事先把题目中的举例都构思过了？不然思维真得太快了
我的习作，请指点下
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1769920566

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iq28
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板凳

发表于 2007-3-20 21:29:49 |只看该作者

In this article, the author concludes that the corporation should hire Discount rather than Good-Taste Company. However, close scrutiny on the evidence provided by the author reveals that it lends little credible support to this conclusion.

In the first place, the mere fact that it is the second most expensive caterer and its prices have risen in each of the last three years does not mean their price is not unreasonable. (汗,怎么又忘了先总领一句?说下和别的很多因素有关会好很多的) (看了一下你下面说得好像是物有所值的意思.那么也最好总领一句这个意思) What is service attitude of the company? The author does not mention. It is entirely possible that the company offer satisfactory service which deserves the high price. In addition, the author should take into account the overall price of the restaurant in the city. If the prices in most caterers have risen (最好不要直接武断地due to,总领之后加may吧) due to the economic prosperity or due to the increase of the cost of their raw material, then the fact that Cedar Corporation's prices have risen will no longer be surprising. (模糊.只要说明大家的价格都在上涨,所以不能成为更换的理由就ok了) Also, there is an entire possibility that Discount Foods is the most expensive caterer in this city. In such cases, the author's conclusion is open to doubt.

(觉得先攻击价格大家都上涨,然后再让步说物有所值可能效果更好)

In the second place, the mere fact that the Good-Taste refuses to provide meals for people on special diets does indicate that they should not choose Good-Taste. What are the content of these kinds of special diets? Are these special diets often provided in other caterers? Or are these diets just the requisition of some customers with strange taste? (这两句顺序最好换一下,然后再加总结) In addition, the author does not provide any evidence to show the opinions about the employees toward these special diets. (any去掉.明明说到了3个员工的抱怨.虽然这个也是要攻击的.但用了any明显就是无视文章的材料了) Do the employees in Cedar Corporation eat these special diets? Or do they never consume such kind of special diets? Since the author does not provide any information about these diets, I remain unconvinced that Good-Taste Company should not be rehired. (分层狠漂亮!)

In the third place, the mere fact that last month three employees complained about the cafeteria is little indication that the caterer is not satisfactory. The author does not provide the reason why they are no longer eat the cafeteria. (精髓) It is entirely possible their complaint is only due to their own appetite. For example, perhaps they are persons that from some special religions, perhaps they are Muslim, and thus they do not want to eat the pork there. If so, then it is not reasonable for the company to change the caterer just for few people. (不要说到宗教问题吧...前面讲出他们的理由可能是不合理的,后面再让步说三个人太少.这样会好一点)

In the fourth place, the experience of the author fails to convince me that they should choose Discount servers. (你的ts写法都很好.以后多教教别人) First, only one time experience may be not representative. Common sense tells me that the taste of the food has much thing to do with the condition of a person. (这句有点晦涩) It is entirely possible that at that day, the author' (?) was very hungry and thus his feeling about the food might be much better than it really was. (good) Moreover, even if the feeling of the author is right, it does not mean that other employees will also like this sample lunch. (yes) The author does not take into account the difference between taste of different people. For example, it might be the case that the sample lunch is mainly composed with vegetables which is the author's favorite. However, most employees in the company like to eat meal, such as fish, chickens and the like. Furthermore, (极致的分层让步) even if the employees will like the sample lunch, then what about the other food? As we all know, most sample lunch may be the best food in this restaurant. If so, and if the other food in the Company is not so satisfactory, then the author's recommendation will be open to doubt.

In sum, this argument has several flaw as discussed above. To substantiate it, the author should provide more evidence to show that they should not rehire with Good-Taste Company.

不说什么了
写得很好了
这几天表太得瑟;d:
回来帮我改作文;d:

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-3-20 21:44 编辑 ]