[a习作temp] Argument117 【0710G-小猪快跑小组】第1次作业 [复制链接]

ldongxp
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-7-17 22:34:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

1 攻击survey的可靠性
2 就算要回家加班也不一定需要办公用品
3 提高库存并不能增加盈利

In this argument, the author concludes that their office-supply departments would be the most profitable component of their stores by increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. To support this conclusion, the author cites a survey of which 70% respondents reported that they are needed to take more work home than past. The author also points out that they would take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. Yet, this argument suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

First of all, the statistical reliability of the survey based on which the author conclude there is a work-at-home trend is questionable. That is to say, the survey merely involves a small number of people. It is entirely possible that these respondents are not representative of the overall staffs. Perhaps few people actually require taking work home from the overall view. Or perhaps the respondents of the survey accidentally belong to the same company. Lacking information about the randomness and size of the survey sample, the author cannot draw a broader conclusion based on this survey.

Secondly, even assuming that this survey is reliable, that is to say, there is a work-at-home trend, the author unfairly assumes that people who need to take work home require those home office machines and office supplies. Perhaps most of these people who need to work at home can take the stuffs with them from the company. Or perhaps those people do not require those home office machines or the office supplies at all. Without ruling these and other possibilities, the author cannot make me convinced.

Finally, the author makes an assumption that increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies can increase the profit of their office-supply departments. According to the author, making profit is just due to the stock of the home office machines and office supplies. Perhaps the costs of these stuffs are quite high. Or perhaps the economy environment is down and nobody would pay additional money on these goods. It is also possible that other stores have cheaper home office machines and office supplies and people would buy their stuffs. Without accounting for these and other possibilities, the author cannot conclude that they will make more profits.

In sum, this argument is not convincing as it stands. To bolster this conclusion, the author must provide clear evidence that there are enough people who would take work home and that they would buy the goods of the author's office-supply department. To better assess the conclusion, more detail about the sales of the office-supply departments and more information about the people who would take work home are needed.

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ldongxp
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沙发

发表于 2007-7-17 22:47:41 |只看该作者

200.Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men
than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that
men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than
women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target
the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic
techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering
patients.

从牙医那里获得的统计数据表明在看牙医时男性昏厥的次数是女性的三倍。这一证据说明男性在接受牙科治疗时比女性更容易感到痛楚。因此，那些做广告来吸引患者的牙医应该定位于男性顾客，并同时强调他们的麻醉技术和他们的职员对于紧张和痛苦患者的敏感度。

A200 outline:

1 昏迷是由于广告所说的那些原因吗
2 广告能起到吸引病人的效果吗
3 统计的样本随机性和样本大小

[ 本帖最后由 ldongxp 于 2007-7-17 22:53 编辑 ]

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frecklewang1984
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板凳

发表于 2007-7-17 23:41:12 |只看该作者

In this argument, the author concludes that their office-supply departments would be the most profitable component of their stores by increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. To support this conclusion, the author cites a survey of which 70% respondents reported that they are needed to take more work home than past. The author also points out that they would take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. Yet, this argument suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands(适当的进行了句式变换，不错).

First of all, the statistical reliability of the survey based on which the author conclude(s) there is a work-at-home trend （适当的句式变换，不错）is questionable. That is to say, the survey merely（是不是加个”可能”会好点呢） involves a small number of people. It is entirely possible that these respondents are not representative of the overall staffs(不错). Perhaps few people actually require taking work home from the overall view. Or perhaps the respondents of the survey accidentally belong to the same company. Lacking information about the randomness and size of the survey sample, the author cannot draw a broader（不错） conclusion based on this survey.

Secondly, even assuming that this survey is reliable, that is to say, there is a work-at-home trend,（表示一定的连贯性，很好） the author unfairly assumes that people who need to take work home require those home office machines and office supplies. Perhaps most of these people who need to work at home can take the stuffs with them from the company.（ Or perhaps可适当换个表示方法） those people do not require those home office machines or the office supplies at all. Without ruling these and other possibilities, the author cannot make me convinced.

Finally, the author makes an assumption that increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies can increase the profit of their office-supply departments. According to the author, making profit is just due to the stock of the home office machines and office supplies. （是不是有个结论性的东西好点呢）Perhaps the costs of these stuffs are quite high. Or perhaps（换个表示方法） the economy environment is down and nobody would pay additional money on these goods. It is also possible that other stores have cheaper home office machines and office supplies and people would buy their stuffs. Without accounting for these and other possibilities, the author cannot conclude that they will make more profits.

In sum, this argument is not convincing as it stands. To bolster this conclusion, the author must provide clear evidence that there are enough people who would take work home and that they would buy the goods of the author's office-supply department. To better assess the conclusion, more detail(s) about the sales of the office-supply departments and more information about the people who would take work home are needed.

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shalonbas
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地板

发表于 2007-7-18 22:33:23 |只看该作者

回复 #2 ldongxp 的帖子

In this argument, the author concludes that their office-supply departments would be the most profitable component of their stores by increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. To support this conclusion, the author cites a survey of [看了N遍，我总觉得改成in 合适些] which 70% respondents reported that they are needed [required] to take more work home than past. The author also points out that they would take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies. Yet, this argument suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands. [漂亮的开头，赞]

First of all, the statistical reliability of the survey based on which the author conclude there is a work-at-home trend is questionable. That is to say, the survey merely involves a small number of people. It is entirely possible that these respondents are not representative of the overall staffs. Perhaps few [only a minority of] people actually require taking [need to take] work home from the overall view. Or perhaps the respondents of the survey accidentally belong to the same company [再加一句话就完美了，比如该公司正好处于繁忙期，因此员工工作量普遍加大]. Lacking information about the randomness and size of the survey sample, the author cannot draw a broader conclusion based on this survey. [总结，是俺应该向你学习的地方，呵呵]

Secondly, even assuming that this survey is reliable, that is to say, there is a work-at-home trend, the author unfairly assumes that people who need to take work home require those home office machines and office supplies. Perhaps most of these people who need to work at home can take the stuffs with them from the company. Or perhaps those people do not require those home office machines or the office supplies at all [还是上面那个问题，既然你认为可能有这种情况，最好举个例子出来]. Without ruling these and other possibilities, the author cannot make me convinced.

Finally, the author makes an assumption that increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies can increase the profit of their office-supply departments. According to the author, making profit is just due to the stock of the home office machines and office supplies. Perhaps the costs of these stuffs are quite high. Or perhaps the economy environment is down and nobody would pay additional money on these goods. It is also possible that other stores have cheaper home office machines and office supplies and people would buy their stuffs. Without accounting for these and other possibilities, the author cannot conclude that they will make more profits. [嗯，这段话相当的赞]

In sum, this argument is not convincing as it stands. To bolster this conclusion, the author must provide clear evidence that there are enough people who would take work home and that they would buy the goods of the author's office-supply department. To better assess the conclusion, more detail about the sales of the office-supply departments and more information about the people who would take work home are needed.

[思路很清晰，攻击语言到位，结构也很成熟，唯一的瑕疵就是攻击段中的展开部分稍微少了点，一定程度上减弱了你攻击的力量。]