[a习作temp] Argument38 [0710G summer小组]第四次作业_by schenmob [复制链接]

schenmob
UID：2329562

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 114
注册时间: 2007-4-19
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-7-21 17:12:41 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 518

提纲：
1.    吃鱼多未必感冒少可能由于其他原因（气候）每年去医院看病的次数也不能说明得感冒少可能很多人得了但在家休息吃药
2.    即便东部如此但东西有差异使吃鱼未必能在西部有效
3.    即便西部有效但I未必有和鱼一样的效果可能有效成分流失可能有副作用
4.    没有证据表明感冒是矿工最主要的理由可能是拿感冒当借口
5.    调查是否可信是否具有代表性
In this memo, the author claims that the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However, based on some dubious evidence and an unconvincing study, the statement suffers from several logical flaws.

To begin with, the author provides no evidence to indicate the relations between eating too much and catch cold. At first, in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per years for the treatment of colds does not mean that the times that they catch colds per year is low. Perhaps, when people there catch cold, they only take some medicines and just have a rest at home. Even if people there do not catch colds too often, perhaps people there pay more attention to their health. And there is also another possibility that the conditions and climate there are good so that people there rarely catch cold.

Besides, even if people in East Meria rarely catch cold just since their fish consumption is very high, the author overlooks the differences between the West Meria and the East Meria. The author provides no evidence to indicate that the situations in the West Meria and in the East Meria are the same. Perhaps, the situations in both places mentioned above are entirely different. It is the possible that the climate and health condition in both places are different and people in West Meria easily catch cold. These possible can lead to the fact that eating fish cannot prevent colds in the West Meria. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author fails to conclude that people in the West Meria can eat a substantial amount of fish in order to prevent colds.

Furthermore, even if in the West Meria eating fish is a effective way to prevent colds, the author provides no evidence to indicate that the Ichthaid has a equally effect with fish. Perhaps, the constituent of the fish that is effective part to prevent colds is lost during the process of the deriving. Or perhaps, the Ichthaid has some bad effect on people's health. Without considering these possibilities, I cannot believe that Ichthaid can also prevent colds.

In addition, the author provides no evidence to indicate that the study mentioned in the memo is reliable, and the author even provides no details of the number of the respondents which lead the study to be dubious.

Last but not the least, the arguer concludes that colds are the reasons most frequently given for absences from school and work, but the arguer provides no evidence to indicate that. Perhaps, they only take colds as a mainly excuse given for absences.

To sum up, the statement is unconvincing and dubious. In order to strengthen the statement, the author should provide more details about the situations in the West Meria and the study mentioned in the memo. And the author also has to provide a new survey about the mainly reason given for absences before he reaches the conclusion. Or the arguer fails to persuade me.

Issue 160的提纲：
基本同意
1.    正确的原则和目标要坚定不移
一个计划往往对一部分人有利一部分人失利所以在计划正确（以大多数人的利益为保障）的前提下要坚定不移
2.    有时候也要听听其他人的意见在不改变原则的基础上完善人无完人难免想法不全面
3.    当然计划也有完全错的时候不能盲目坚持可见批判的听从别人的错误还是有好处的例子希特勒

回应
0

使用道具举报

sunsmile6720
UID：2145643

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 103
注册时间: 2005-10-8
精华: 0
帖子: 1

沙发

发表于 2007-7-21 19:38:32 |只看该作者

提纲：
1.    吃鱼多未必感冒少可能由于其他原因（气候）每年去医院看病的次数也不能说明得感冒少可能很多人得了但在家休息吃药
2.    即便东部如此但东西有差异使吃鱼未必能在西部有效
3.    即便西部有效但I未必有和鱼一样的效果可能有效成分流失可能有副作用
4.    没有证据表明感冒是矿工最主要的理由可能是拿感冒当借口
5.    调查是否可信是否具有代表性
To begin with, the author provides no evidence to indicate the relations between eating too much（这个要表达的意思与鱼的消费量很大好像有差异） and catch cold. At first, in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high,the fact that people visit the doctor only once or twice per years for the treatment of colds does not mean that the times that they catch colds per year is low. Perhaps, when people there catch cold, they only take some medicines and just have a rest at home. Even if people there do not catch colds too often, perhaps people there pay more attention to their health. And there is also another possibility that the conditions and climate there are good so that people there rarely catch cold.

感觉第一点和第四点可以合起来写，不会显得第四点的论述不充分．
赞一个，今天比昨天就有进步，一起努力！:)

使用道具举报

niuzhist
UID：2363220

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 272
注册时间: 2007-7-14
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2007-7-22 21:54:59 |只看该作者

Argument38 [0710G summer小组]第四次作业_by schenmob

TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 518
提纲：
1.    吃鱼多未必感冒少可能由于其他原因（气候）每年去医院看病的次数也不能说明得感冒少可能很多人得了但在家休息吃药
2.    即便东部如此但东西有差异使吃鱼未必能在西部有效
3.    即便西部有效但I未必有和鱼一样的效果可能有效成分流失可能有副作用
4.    没有证据表明感冒是矿工最主要的理由可能是拿感冒当借口
5.    调查是否可信是否具有代表性
In this memo, the author claims that the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However, based on some dubious evidence and an unconvincing study, the statement suffers from several logical flaws.
To begin with, the author provides no evidence to indicate the relations between eating too much and catch(catching) cold. At first, in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per years for the treatment of colds does not mean that the times that they catch colds per year is low. Perhaps, when people there catch cold, they only take some medicines and just have a rest at home. Even if people there do not catch colds too often, perhaps people there pay more attention to their health. And there is also another possibility that the conditions and climate there are good so that people there rarely catch cold.
Besides, even if people in East Meria rarely catch cold just since their fish consumption is very high, the author overlooks the differences between the West Meria and the East Meria. The author provides no evidence to indicate that the situations in the West Meria and in the East Meria are the same. Perhaps, the situations in both places mentioned above are entirely different. It is the possible that the climate and health condition in both places are different and people in West Meria easily catch cold. These possible(possibilities) can lead to the fact that eating fish cannot prevent colds in the West Meria. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author fails to conclude that people in the West Meria can eat a substantial amount of fish in order to prevent colds.
Furthermore, even if in the West Meria eating fish is a effective way to prevent colds, the author provides no evidence to indicate that the Ichthaid has a equally effect with fish. Perhaps, the constituent of the fish that is effective part to prevent colds is lost during the process of the deriving. Or perhaps, the Ichthaid has some bad effect on people's health. Without considering these possibilities, I cannot believe that Ichthaid can also prevent colds.
In addition, the author provides no evidence to indicate that the study mentioned in the memo is reliable, and the author even provides no details of the number of the respondents which leads the study to be dubious.
Last but not the least, the arguer concludes that colds are the reasons most frequently given for absences from school and work, but the arguer provides no evidence to indicate that. Perhaps, they only take colds as a mainly excuse given for absences.
To sum up, the statement is unconvincing and dubious. In order to strengthen the statement, the author should provide more details about the situations in the West Meria and the study mentioned in the memo. And the author also has to provide a new survey about the mainly reason given for absences before he reaches the conclusion. Or the arguer fails to persuade me.
我觉得后面几点可以写在一起，他们可以算是一些非主要错误逻辑点，写在一起较好。这样段落更突出，思路更清晰，否则的话觉得比较散。总的来说，写得不错，逻辑错误点分析得很充分。

使用道具举报