[i习作temp] Issue144【MathSCU 10G】第18次作业 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-8-12 16:21:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 440       TIME: 00:45:00 （+）

带保留的反对：
1. The artist improve the quality of lives, lasting value.
2. The critic help improving the aesthete and evaluate the arts.
3. Overdue critic will decrease the passion of the artists.
The author commends that the artist rather than the critic could give the society something of lasting value. Admittedly, it is the artist who leave precious wealth for us. However, the critic play a key role in the further development in the society.
The artist improve the quality of people's lives by leaving behind a lot of valuable things especially mental wealth. In the Renaissance period, every fields developed at such a high speed that they all influenced almost every aspect of people's  lives. Consider Leonardo Da Vinci for example. He was the most famous painting who excelled at portraiture, which depicts individuals in the society, at that time. One of his great works Mona Lisa was the best evidence. At present, not only famous artists but also the populace appreciates this attracting piece of works. And it would still draw the interest of the next generation. Moreover, the architects living in the Egypt thousands of years ago built the mysterious projects the pyramids. Although it probably meant going to the sky after death, we have to respect them and sigh with emotion to the mighty works. The former artists have left a lot of precious legacy to us, all of which share the lasting value.
However, when we are attracting by the arts in the museum, we should not forget the critic who are considered as the counterparts of the artists for several aspect. Firstly, not every artist is genius, and not every new emerging work is perfect enough to be admired. A piece of work would surely  be examined by a lot of artists. The artist would like to modify its works for a quantity of times. During this period, the critic plays a crucial part which leads the artist to further modify their works. The critic would evaluate these new emerging works and remark on them. Perhaps these commends are inimical critiques which would make the artists ashamed. As a result, the artist improves their works which results in the arts of lasting value.
I have to acknowledge that overdue criticism would decrease the passion of young artists even lose the genius because of incognizance in the society. The young artists set forth to the field full of passion, creativity and interest. If the critic place too much burden on them or use the old method to evaluate these new works, they are easily to be let down even turn to other fields.
To sum up, it is the artist who gives the society something of lasting value. When we emphasize the importance of artists, we should not ignore the part that critic has played.

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cofeebean
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沙发

发表于 2007-8-12 22:43:05 |只看该作者

Issue144【MathSCU 10G】第18次作业
TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 440       TIME: 00:45:00 （+）
带保留的反对：
1. The artist improve the quality of lives, lasting value.
2. The critic help improving the aesthete and evaluate the arts.
3. Overdue critic will decrease the passion of the artists.
The author commends that the artist rather than the critic could give the society something of lasting value. Admittedly, it is the artist who leave precious wealth for us. However, the critic [also] play a key role in the further development in the society.
The artist improve the quality of people's lives by leaving behind a lot of valuable things especially mental wealth. In the Renaissance period, every fields developed at such a high speed that they all influenced almost every aspect of people's  lives.[因果关系不是太明显，用so that稍显牵强，建议换用别的句型] Consider Leonardo Da Vinci for example. He was the most famous painting[painter] who excelled at portraiture, which depicts individuals in the society[这个从句有点多余], at that time. One of his great works[加逗号] Mona Lisa[加逗号]  was the best evidence. At present, not only famous artists but also the populace appreciates[单复数注意] this attracting piece of works. And it would[应该可以直接用will吧] still draw the interest of the next generation. Moreover, the architects living in the Egypt thousands of years ago built the mysterious projects the pyramids. Although it probably meant going to the sky after death[这句有点问题，不明白意思], we have to respect them and sigh with emotion to the mighty works. The former artists have left a lot of precious legacy to us, all of which share the lasting value.
However, when we are attracting by the arts in the museum, we should not forget the critic who are considered as the counterparts of the artists for several aspect. Firstly, not every artist is genius, and not every new emerging work is perfect enough to be admired. A piece of work would surely  be examined by a lot of artists. The artist would like to modify its works for a quantity of times. During this period, the critic plays a crucial part which[还是who更好吧] leads the artist to further modify their works. The critic would evaluate these new emerging works and remark on them. Perhaps these commends are inimical critiques which would make the artists ashamed. As a result, the artist improves their works which results in the arts of lasting value.
I have to acknowledge that overdue criticism would decrease the passion of young artists [加上后面的四个单词就出语法问题了，合并句子，建议拆开说或干脆删掉]even lose the genius because of incognizance in the society. The young artists set forth to the field full of passion, creativity and interest. If the critic place too much burden on them or use the old method to evaluate these new works, they are easily to be let down even turn to other fields.
To sum up, it is the artist who gives the society something of lasting value. When we emphasize the importance of artists, we should not ignore the part that critic has played.
[总评：
一、正文一论证严密，例子也非常恰当贴切。
二、正文二句子的前后衔接有点脱节，特别是最后几句，语义跳跃很大。
三、注意主谓一致，特别是有很多处the artist, the critic 后面都跟了复数谓语。
个人浅见，有不当之处请多包涵，也可以qq上商量。]

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