[a习作temp] argument45：[jet 小组] 第三次作业 [复制链接]

LITTERBOULDER
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2008-2-3 11:04:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

提纲：（1）根据猎人的报告来判断鹿的数量在减少不可信：鹿也有可能在逃避猎人，也有可能是猎人的过度捕杀
   （2）即使鹿的数量在减少，并不一定是全球变暖所致。该地区的气象条件未知
   （3）即使该地区的温度在升高，但不一定就会使鹿的数量减少，可能还有别的原因。

Data:2/3/2008    Time:<45min       Word:416
The author of this editorial asserts that the seeming decline in the number of Arctic deer is due to current global warming which may interrupts their age-old migration pattern across the frozen sea. To support his judgment, he also cites the observation from local hunters and the causal relationship between global warming and local warning based on his own analogy. Close scrutiny of these given evidence, some logical flaws weaken the credibility of his judgment in some critical respects.

The relationship between wild animals and hunters is the same as predators and their nature prays. The aim of hunters is to catch his prey as many as possible while the task of animals is to avoid hunters as far as possible, from which Arctic deer and local hunters are not exempt. In the line of this reasoning, there are many other reasons why hunters find the decline of deer population. Maybe the plant they feed on emerges in some unexpected areas which are out of hunter’s expectation. Or perhaps hunters are lacking a sense of scientific statistics; their assertion is instead merely based on their limited experience which might be far from fact. Without ruling out these alternative reasons, hardly can this editorial become convincing as it stands.

Even if the report from local hunters is according with the factor, we also cannot attribute it to the globe warming. Admittedly, the trend of globe warming is applied to most parts of the world; however, there is no compelling evidence to illustrate it can also be applied in this particular area. After all,some exceptions is quit  reasonable in such a huge planet.

Even the globe warming actually contributes something to the decline of deer population; some key statistical comparisons are missing. Such evidence includes: whether it’s just an exception or an obvious result caused by globe warming, to what degree the increase in temperature affects deer’s age-old migration patterns, and is there any other factor plays a more significant in interrupting deer’s activities?
As the existence of some dubious reasons in this judgment, the correctness of this editorial becomes quite speculative.

In sum, some logical flaws prevent it from a forceful judgment which attaches the decline of deer population to globe warming. To bolster it, the author should provide other compelling evidence from wild animal experts on Arctic deer or local government. To better evaluate this judgment, it would be helpful if some statistical survey on different factors which might result in the same conditions is introduced.

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生命零点
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沙发

发表于 2008-2-7 12:49:50 |只看该作者

The author of this editorial asserts that the seeming decline in the number of Arctic deers is due to current global warming which may interrupt their age-old migration pattern across the frozen sea. To support his (the) judgment, he（the autor） also cites the observation from local hunters and the causal relationship between global warming and local warning based on his own analogy. Close scrutiny of these given evidence, some logical flaws weaken the credibility of his judgment in some critical respects.(因为在看北美范文时都没有把作者写作“he”,所以感觉不舒服)

The relationship between wild animals and hunters is the same as predators and their nature prays. The aim of hunters is to catch his（their） preys as many as possible while the task of animals is to avoid hunters as far as possible, from which Arctic deer and local hunters are not exempt. In the line of this reasoning, there are many other reasons why hunters find the decline of deer population.(逻辑好像不对，there are many other reasons that cause the seeming declining of the number of the deer ) Maybe the plant they feed on emerges in some unexpected areas which are out of hunter’s expectation. Or perhaps hunters are lacking（are lack of ） a sense of scientific statistics; their assertion is instead（可略去） merely based on their limited experience which might be far from the fact. Without ruling out these alternative reasons, hardly can this editorial become convincing as it stands.(或者其他的原因如食物缺少天气恶劣等造成数量下降)

Even if the report from local hunters is accord with the fact, we also cannot attribute it（指代不明） to the globe warming. Admittedly, the trend of globe warming is applied to most parts of the world; however, there is no compelling evidence to illustrate it, which can also be applied in this particular area. After all,some exceptions is quit reasonable in such a huge planet.(最后一句不明白)（此段感觉理由不充分）

Even the globe warming actually contributes something to the decline of deer population; some key statistical comparisons are missing. Such evidence includes: whether it’s just an exception or an obvious result caused by globe warming, to what degree the increase in temperature affects deer’s age-old migration patterns, and is there any other factor which plays a more significant role in interrupting deer’s activities?
As the existence of some dubious reasons in this judgment, the correctness of this editorial becomes quite speculative.(是否应该把理由说的充分点，如气候很温暖但还不至于把所有的冰都溶化或者根本没必要去别的岛屿找食物，或者游过去，或借助其他工具)

In sum, some logical flaws prevent it（the argument）from a forceful judgment which attaches the decline of deer population to globe warming.(或者用be responsible for) To bolster it, the author should provide other compelling evidence from wild animal experts on Arctic deer or local government. To better evaluate this judgment, it would be helpful if(重复) some statistical surveys on (about) different factors which might result in the same conditions (result) is(should be) introduced.
第一次改不知道改的合不合适

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ilabc
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板凳

发表于 2008-2-8 02:09:45 |只看该作者

回复 #1 LITTERBOULDER 的帖子

The author of this editorial asserts that the seeming decline in the number of Arctic deer is due to current global warming which may interrupts their age-old migration pattern across the frozen sea. To support his judgment, he also cites the observation from local hunters and the causal relationship between global warming and local warning based on his own analogy. Close scrutiny of these given evidence, some logical flaws weaken the credibility of his judgment in some critical respects.

The relationship between wild animals and hunters is the same as predators and their nature prays. The aim of hunters is to catch his prey as many as possible while the task of animals is to avoid hunters as far as possible, from which Arctic deer and local hunters are not exempt. （有点罗嗦，而且没有分论点，个人觉得直接，since。。。。，the infomation of decline from the hunters is not reliable.就好了）In the line of this reasoning, there are many other reasons why hunters find the decline of deer population. Maybe the plant they feed on emerges in some unexpected areas which are out of hunter’s expectation（前面有了unexpected，这里就用observation把）. Or perhaps hunters are lacking a sense of scientific statistics; their assertion is instead merely based on their limited experience which might be far from fact. Without ruling out these alternative reasons, hardly can this editorial become convincing as it stands.

Even if the report from local hunters is according with the factor, we also cannot attribute it to the globe warming. Admittedly, the trend of globe warming is applied to most parts of the world; however, there is no compelling evidence to illustrate it can also be applied in this particular area. After all,some exceptions is quit （估计是quite把） reasonable in such a huge planet.

Even the globe warming actually contributes something to the decline of deer population; some key statistical comparisons are missing. Such evidence includes: whether it’s just an exception or an obvious result caused by globe warming, to what degree the increase in temperature affects deer’s age-old migration patterns, and is there any other factor plays a more significant in interrupting deer’s activities?
As the existence of some dubious reasons in this judgment, the correctness of this editorial becomes quite speculative.

In sum, some logical flaws prevent it from a forceful judgment which attaches the decline of deer population to globe warming. To bolster it, the author should provide other compelling evidence from wild animal experts on Arctic deer or local government. To better evaluate this judgment, it would be helpful if some statistical survey on different factors which might result in the same conditions is introduced.

总的来说，是片好argu，鉴定完毕
我是35楼的，有空过来看看阿

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ellefrancai
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地板

发表于 2008-2-9 19:42:07 |只看该作者

The author of this editorial asserts that the seeming decline in the number of Arctic deer is due to current global warming which may interrupts their age-old migration pattern across the frozen sea. To support his judgment, he（只用he的话容易出现关于性别歧视的误会，保险点he or she比较好，虽然有点啰嗦。。。） also cites the observation from local hunters and the causal relationship between global warming and local warning based on his own analogy. Close scrutiny of these given evidence, some logical flaws weaken the credibility of his judgment in some critical respects.

The relationship between wild animals and hunters is the same as predators and their nature prays. The aim of hunters is to catch his prey as many as possible while the task of animals is to avoid hunters as far as possible, from which Arctic deer and local hunters are not exempt. In the line of this reasoning, there are many other reasons why hunters find the decline of deer population. Maybe the plant they feed on emerges in some unexpected areas which are out of hunter’s expectation. Or perhaps hunters are lacking a sense of scientific statistics; their assertion is instead merely based on their limited experience which might be far from fact. Without ruling out these alternative reasons, hardly can this editorial become convincing as it stands.

Even if the report from local hunters is according with the factor, we also cannot attribute it to the globe warming. Admittedly, the trend of globe warming is applied to most parts of the world; however, there is no compelling evidence to illustrate it can also be applied in this particular area. After all,some exceptions is quit reasonable in such a huge planet.感觉这段论述得不够充分，可以说一些可能的情况

Even the globe warming actually contributes something to the decline of deer population; some key statistical comparisons are missing. 恩，我也觉得这个事很关键的原因Such evidence includes: whether it’s just an exception or an obvious result caused by globe warming, to what degree the increase in temperature affects deer’s age-old migration patterns, and is there any other factor plays a more significant role in interrupting deer’s activities? 这段分析很好~
As the existence of some dubious reasons in this judgment, the correctness of this editorial becomes quite speculative.

In sum, some logical flaws prevent it from a forceful judgment which attaches the decline of deer population to globe warming. To bolster it, the author should provide other compelling evidence from wild animal experts on Arctic deer or local government. To better evaluate this judgment, it would be helpful if some statistical survey on different factors which might result in the same conditions is introduced.

好多句子用的很漂亮也~不过觉得可以多用一些it is possible that... 之类的句子来罗列一些可能出现的情况，来论证global warming与decline之间的关系认定的不充分。还有我觉得关于report from local hunters的这个部分的问题普遍会认为是一个hasty generalization，不知道这个看法对不对~~~hoho

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