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[i习作temp] issue48【Goal to Reach Excellence小组】第9次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2008-2-7 23:11:15 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 442     DATE: 2008-2-7 23:07:09             新年快乐,榴莲互拍


Concerning the study of history, the author asserts that the most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few individuals but by groups of people. This statement might have its considerable merit; however, in my eyes, the author unfairly overlooks the crucial role of individuals. In my observation, both individuals and groups of people are responsible for human's development and society's well-being, and an overall consideration is necessary when deciding the priority.

Admittedly, the groups of common people whose identities have long been forgotten are real founders of history. For example, the bulb which illumined every corner throughout the world, however, cannot bring such a great impact without other note less persons. Without the manufacturers who provide him the raw materials such as the glass, the extremely thin wire of tungsten, the foundation of his experiments would not exists. Also without the workers, the patent protectors, the salesmen, and the consumers, his invention cannot be applied into practicality, produced by large quantities and availing to every family from different countries.

However, without famous few, most of significant achievements and trends would not happen as bombs without fuses. Concern the greatest architectural, such as the Great Wall in China and Taj Mahal in India. Such huge construction work came about only through the efforts and even cost life prices of thousands of labors. However, without the conviction to protect territory, the Great Wall cannot be as magnificent as it presents today. Meanwhile, without the deep love from monarch to his wife--Taj, the amazing Taj Mahal can not be accomplished. In short, the key individuals inspire and impel the initial spark and persistence power to access the achievement.

Meanwhile, without supporting of common ones, our history could not be made since they were bases of the success of famous few. During the World War two, Winston Churchill's stirring speeches knit the country together and inspired people to fight for their nation. However, Britain would have been unable to defend itself without the sacrifices of groups of soldiers in the battles. Churchill regarded as a very competent prime minister in history text book for years to come, while the battle of Britain would never have been won without the daring plans made by the British service chiefs. Yet, these people who are behind the scenes never find any mention in history.

In conclusion, the author is reasonable in pointing out the significant roles which groups of people play; however, the author fails to take into account for the irreplaceable contribution of famous individuals. In my viewpoint, both the individuals and groups of people are architect of the history.

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发表于 2008-2-9 18:03:17 |只看该作者
TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 442     DATE: 2008-2-7 23:07:09            
新年快乐,榴莲互拍
Concerning the study of history, the author asserts that the most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few individuals but by groups of people(我觉得两个顺序换一下更好by…not by…. This statement might have its considerable merit; however, in my eyes, the author unfairly overlooks the crucial role of individuals. In my observation, both individuals and groups of people are responsible for (表达不错)human's development and society's well-being, and an overall consideration is necessary when deciding the priority.Admittedly, the groups of common people whose identities have long been forgotten are real founders of history. For example, the bulb which illumined every corner throughout the world, however, cannot bring such a great impact without other note less persons(不太明白是不是想表达那些平民大众). Without the manufacturers who provide him the raw materials such as the glass, the extremely thin wire of tungsten, the foundation of his experiments would not exists. Also without the workers, the patent protectors, the salesmen, and the consumers, his invention cannot be applied into practicality, produced by large quantities and availing to every family from different countries.(这个例子我认为说服性不好)However, without famous few, most of significant achievements and trends would not happen as bombs without fuses. (这儿最好来个概括不然看你下面的例子会有点晕我看了最后一句才发现伟人的作用,这个方面一般人都想不到)Concern the greatest architectural, such as the Great Wall in China and Taj Mahal in India. Such huge construction work came about only through the efforts and even cost life prices of thousands of labors. However, without the conviction to protect territory, the Great Wall cannot be as magnificent as it presents today. Meanwhile, without the deep love from monarch to his wife--Taj, the amazing Taj Mahal can not be accomplished. In short, the key individuals inspire and impel the initial spark and persistence (persistent) power to access the achievement.(这段也没怎么很好的突出伟人的重要)Meanwhile, without supporting of common ones, our history could not be made since they were bases of the success of famous few. During the World War two, Winston Churchill's stirring speeches knit the country together and inspired people to fight for their nation. However, Britain would have been unable to defend itself without the sacrifices of groups of soldiers in the battles. Churchill regarded as a very competent prime minister in history text book(删除) for years to come, while the battle of Britain would never have been won without the daring plans made by the British service chiefs.churchillfamous few  那是chiefs还是 soldierscommon ones Yet, these people who are behind the scenes never find any mention in history.(这段是说平凡的人重要之处这句话就完全没必要了)In conclusion, the author is reasonable in pointing out the significant roles which groups of people play; however, the author fails to take into account for the irreplaceable contribution of famous individuals. In my viewpoint, both the individuals and groups of people are architects of the history.

我觉的这篇文章作者并没有很好的论证观点结构混乱说理也不是很清晰
举的例子也不能充分的为论点服务实际上这些都是很好的例子换种表达可能就有说服力多了
个人意见 欢迎交流
欢迎回拍  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=799185&extra=page%3D1

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板凳
发表于 2008-2-10 00:04:43 |只看该作者

回复 #2 zyczuccgre 的帖子

谢谢指出这么多问题,当时思路是这样的:
1 那些被历史遗忘的群众是历史的塑造者
2 但是没有少数的士杰,重大的历史事件也不会发生
3 同时,那些人民大众是士杰的奠基石,他们也同样重要

当时可能忙着找例子,但没有表达好例子,针对楼上评论,有点需请教:
”这段也没怎么很好的突出伟人的重要",我的例子是:如果每没有皇帝保卫疆土的信念和丈夫对泰姬的爱,长城和泰姬陵就不能完工~这还不能突出TS?不明白

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RE: issue48【Goal to Reach Excellence小组】第9次作业 [修改]
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