[a习作temp] 第四次作业-argument 200 [复制链接]

gmmyingtao
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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-1-26 18:16:15 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument 200:
Statistics collected from dentists indicates that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

1． The information collected from dentists is open to doubt.
没有说信息来源的范围，如果来源于一所军校附近的牙医们，那么男生比女生多三倍是理所当然的。也有可能，所访问牙医的男性顾客恰巧就是多于女性的。
2. The evidence can’t convince me men are more likely to be distressed.
3. The ad strategy which targets the male consumer would lose female costumers.

The statement suggests the dentists should make ads which target the male consumer to attract patients on the reasons that statistics from dentists indicates that men are more likely to be distressed what they visit dentists. However, the speaker cannot convince me because the evidence he provides flaws on several respects discussed below.
First of all, I doubt the statistics from the dentists are representative of men and women of the whole society. The ratio of men and women, the old and the young, of the neighborhoods where the dentists work exerts impact on the results of the survey. Suppose the study was done near an army school, or there are more older men and boys than the young adults, it is not strange to know there are there times more men than women faint while they are visiting dentists. And we can conclude there are definitely more men than women faint while they are visiting any kind of doctors.

Secondly, even the statistics can be an accurate indicator that more men faint in front of the dentists in the whole society; the speaker cannot convince me men are more likely to be distressed than women about having dental work done. Every sensible person should get distressed when he/she faces the hurt in his/her body. In our mind, women are more flaccid on the respect of body and fragment on the respect of spirit. That less women don’t faint when visit the dentists just implies that many women are stronger in sprit and more willing to face the necessary the some men rather than not distressed.

Thirdly, in my opinion, the speaker’s suggest that the dentists should target male consumers when they advertise to attract clients is not reasonable in commercial view, at least to some extent. The evidence the argument cited implied that more women would like to visit the dentists than men do. Thus, the strategy which emphasis on men might lose the interest and thrust of women to the dentist, and the dentist will lay behind by his/her peers because he/she cannot attract women who constitute a huge market.

In sum, if the speaker can’t provide the scope of the survey and the reasoning he conclude men’s depress from their faint while visiting dentists, he cannot convince me men should be taken care specially. And I can’t agree the proposal the dentists should emphasizes on the male client which will ignore the female market.

[ 本帖最后由 gmmyingtao 于 2008-1-26 21:21 编辑 ]

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duyuan3377
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沙发

发表于 2008-1-27 09:10:58 |只看该作者

回复 #1 gmmyingtao 的帖子

The statement suggests the dentists should make ads which target the male consumer to attract patients for the reason why (1.介词应该用for；2. 我觉得这里把that 改成why比较好免得和后面indicates 的that重复) statistics from dentists indicates that men are more likely to be distressed what they visit dentists. However, the speaker cannot convince me because the evidence he provides flaws on several respects discussed below.
First of all, I doubt the statistics from the dentists are representative of men and women of the whole society. The ratio of men and women, the old and the young, of the neighborhoods where the dentists work exerts impact on the result of the survey. Suppose the study was done near an army school, or there were（其实用are也行，不过最好和前面的虚拟语态统一） more older men and boys than the young adults, it is not strange to know there are three times more men than women faint while they are visiting dentists. And we can conclude there are definitely more men than women faint while they are visiting any kind of doctors.
Secondly, even the statistics can be an accurate indicator that more men faint in front of the dentists in the whole society; the speaker cannot convince me men are more likely to be distressed than women about having dental work done. Every sensible person should get distressed when he/she faces(feels 或许好一点) the hurt in his/her body. In our mind, women are more flaccid on the respect of body and fragment on the respect of spirit. That less women don’t faint when visit the dentists just implies that many women are stronger in sprit and more willing to face the necessary the some men(??啥意思:confused: ) rather than not distressed.
Thirdly, in my opinion, the speaker’s suggest that the dentists should target male consumers when they advertise to attract clients is not reasonable in commercial view, at least to some extent. The evidence the argument cited implied that more women would like to visit the dentists than men do. Thus, the strategy which emphasis on men might lose the interest and thrust of women to the dentist, and the dentist will lay behind by his/her peers because he/she cannot attract women who account for(这里要用的是占的意思吧，不应该是组成吧) a huge market.
In sum, if the speaker can’t provide the scope of the survey and the reasoning he conclude men’s depress from their faint while visiting dentists, he cannot convince me men should be taken care specially. And I can’t agree with the proposal that the dentists should emphasize on the male client which will ignore the female market.

最后lose female market的观点不错，我就没想到。:loveliness:
其他嘛选的攻击点都差不多。
另外逻辑攻击有些套话，建议多看看范文和，Argument常用的句式和最好总结一下各类攻击点的语言。这样有些话就不用自己写的那么晦涩，我也是这个毛病，我的第一篇的argument人家拍的时候就给我提了这个建议。;d:

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