[i习作temp] issue154 还有三天考试，求拍 [复制链接]

jasminejyc
UID: 2487053

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 710
注册时间: 2008-4-24
精华: 0
帖子: 6

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2008-8-1 18:07:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 656 TIME: 00:40:50 DATE: 2008/8/1 17:52:45

Family, community, and the school work together as a whole to maintain the development of our children. They are just like the wood boards which make a barrel and the shortest wood board determines the quality and the capacity of the barrel. Obviously, the children are that barrel. Therefore, we can know that not only the professional educators from schools are important to the children, but also parents and communities, which are two necessary chains.

As time passes, the school has shouldered more and more responsibilities for educating our next generation for various kinds of reasons. Once people may only want to learn how to spell and how to calculate from school, while now teachers, especially those in kindergarten and primary school, are expected to give children more morale standards and lessons. The cause of this is partly because parents now are busier with their jobs then before. In order to give their children a better education, parents work hard all day to pay roller-skating course fee, model course fee, etc. They hope that their children can learn all things they need to learn from a qualified kindergarten, a qualified primary school, and a qualified high school, therefore they will have the access to those leading universities which is considered to be the necessity and guarantee of a bright future.

However while parents overestimate the role of the school and those professional educators, they underestimate their own influences on their own children's growth. The first thing a baby sees in this world is his father or mother, and possibly maybe both of them. Before the baby is old enough to go to the kindergarten, he stays at home all day with his parents. It is widely accepted that the first years of human beings are very important although it may not be recognized. What do parents want to do in these few years? Do they merely want to milk the baby and wait for the age for kindergarten and let those professional educators to tell their children how to live and how to be a happy person? I am sure that the answer will be a definitely "no". Sometimes some single words from parents can affect the whole life of a child. Forest Gump, the hero of the film with the same name, is the sample of the American dream. Although he is a person with an IQ lower than the average, he loves his life and embraces the change of his life for his mother once told him that "life is like a box of chocolate and you never know what you are going to get." These words give Forest the courage to live on and face those difficulties in an optimistic way. Here we can see the greatness and the importance of the parents.

Also everyday children only spend six or a little more time in school, while in the rest of time they either at home or play with the peer. Here comes another important invisible and long be ignored teacher of our children: the community. Children play in the community, make friends there and get in touch with the real society they will face in the future there. If we pay more attention on the community's role on educating the children, there will surely be unimaginable effects. How to take use of the community? I think that needs the efforts of the whole society. Maybe the community can gather the children in the district together to do some good things or it can invite some celebrities to make a speech. No matter what is to be done, the children will sure benefit from it.

All in all, like what we have mentioned before: the shortest wood board of a barrel determines the capacity of it. If we would like to give our children a bright future and a competitive surviving ability, family, community, and schools should work together to achieve the goal.

回应
0

使用道具举报

magica_ya
UID: 2479957

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 1
寄托币: 481
注册时间: 2008-4-6
精华: 0
帖子: 7

沙发

发表于 2008-8-1 18:33:50 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 656 TIME: 00:40:50 DATE: 2008/8/1 17:52:45

Family, community, and the school work together as a whole to maintain the development of our children. They are just like the wood boards which make a barrel and the shortest wood board determines the quality and the capacity of the barrel. Obviously, the children are that barrel.(其实直接用明喻是不是真好哇?) Therefore, we can know that not only the professional educators from schools are important to the children, but also parents and communities, which are two necessary chains.

As time passes, the school has shouldered more and more responsibilities for educating our next generation for various kinds of reasons. Once people may only want to learn how to spell and how to calculate from school, while now teachers, especially those in kindergarten and primary school, are expected to give children more morale standards and lessons. The cause of this is partly because parents now are busier with their jobs then(than) before. In order to give their children a better education, parents work hard all day to pay roller-skating course fee, model course fee, etc. They hope that their children can learn all things they need to learn from a qualified kindergarten, a qualified primary school, and a qualified high school, therefore they will have the access to those leading universities which is considered to be the necessity and guarantee of a bright future. (说家长越来越忙赚钱是为了给孩子教育,老师负担越来越重了.但是老师负担似乎一下子就说完了?然后怎么似乎没有作者的观点体现呢??)

However while parents overestimate the role of the school and those professional educators, they underestimate their own influences on their own children's growth. The first thing a baby sees in this(the) world is his father or mother, and possibly maybe both of them. Before the baby is old enough to go to the kindergarten, he stays at home all day with his parents. It is widely accepted that the first years of human beings are very important although it may not be recognized. What do parents want to do in these few years? Do they merely want to milk the baby and wait for the age for kindergarten and let those professional educators to tell their children how to live and how to be a happy person? I am sure that the answer will be a definitely "no". Sometimes some single words from parents can affect the whole life of a child. Forest Gump, the hero of the film with the same name, is the sample of the American dream. Although he is a person with an IQ lower than the average, he loves his life and embraces the change of his life for his mother once told him that "life is like a box of chocolate and you never know what you are going to get." These words give Forest the courage to live on and face those difficulties in an optimistic way. Here we can see the greatness and the importance of the parents.(例子不错..)

Also everyday children only spend six or a little more time in school, while in the rest of time they (are) either at home or play with the peers. Here comes another important invisible and long be ignored teacher of our children: the community. Children play in the community, make friends there and get in touch with the real society they will face in the future there. If we pay more attention on the community's role on educating the children, there will surely be unimaginable effects. How to take use of the community? I think that needs the efforts of the whole society. Maybe the community can gather the children in the district together to do some good things or it can invite some celebrities to make a speech. No matter what is to be done, the children will sure benefit from it.(社会的重要性)

All in all, like what we have mentioned before: the shortest wood board of a barrel determines the capacity of it. If we would like to give our children a bright future and a competitive surviving ability, family, community, and schools should work together to achieve the goal.

1.时间很充足..字数很惊我..其实有足够时间,可以慢慢想下如何把文章写得更有力的.虽然我也不懂如何写得更有力.
2.就是在开头分析的第一段,内容没有明确作者的观点,与没有回答问题的关系..只重在说明,家长忙了..
3.后面论证还不错,着眼都蛮正确..语言蛮流畅..错误也不多..不错不错,,加油哦.

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报