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南极熊
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2008-12-3 19:13:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Nowadays, no one can survive in the society with out friends, more and more people are beginning to care about the friendship and face the dilemma to choose whether letting a friend make a mistake and say nothing or doing something that may destroy the friendship. From my point of view, I don not agree that letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.

A threshold argument for my propensity is that, real friendship is depending on what you say or you do that can help your friends, is to some extend depending on how much you care about your friends. If you let you friends make mistakes and you do nothing, that may have a far-reaching impact on your friend in the future. For instance, if you see your friend stole bags in the collage, and you just close your eyes and say nothing about it, you overlook your friend represent that you are in some extend identify his action, he may get into trouble by police or may disemploy by the collage. Is that good for your friends? You are only endanger your friends by another means. Even if the mistakes do not cause the great impact, actually with the time going, this bad habits will develop to the real problem.

Furthermore, although saying or doing nothing about the mistakes your friends are made do not destroy your friendship, it has not its real value, the most vital things is covered by your silence. If you do your best to help your friends find and correct the errors, your friends may be in anger ,however, he may appreciate what you have do to him eventually and more profoundly friendship are established. There is an appropriate example, when I was in high school, my friends wanted me to help him to cheat in the exam. But I told him that I can not do this for him, at that time he was very angry and always ignore me. Eventually I give him a lot of help about his study, and the friendship between us are more firmness.

To sum up, I think the friendship between you and your friends are like the chemical reaction in the basketball, you must give your friends right help at the right time. Therefore from what we have discussed we may come to conclusion that help your friends when he or she make mistakes is a rather wise decision.

写的很烂希望多改改拍死我算了

[ 本帖最后由南极熊于 2008-12-3 19:17 编辑 ]

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niuniu_dragon
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沙发

发表于 2008-12-3 19:58:32 |只看该作者

Nowadays, no one can survive in the society with out friends,（一个句子就一个谓语加and） more and more people are beginning to care about the friendship and face the dilemma to choose whether letting a friend make a mistake and say nothing or doing something that may destroy the friendship. From my point of view, I don not agree that letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.(这个句子里面的2个意思是上句的完全重复甚至都没有改变说法也算是题目的重复尽量避免这样子还是要技巧性的改变陈述方式 )

A threshold argument for my propensity is that,（逗号多余）real friendship is depending on what you say or you do that can help your friends, is to some extend depending on how much you care about your friends.（同样的错误一个句子里面的2个谓语中间缺少连接词） If you let you friends make mistakes and you do nothing,（别这样用同一个主语2词可以换成定语 by啊什么的）that may have a far-reaching impact on your friend in the future. For instance, if you see your friend stole bags in the collage, and you just close your eyes and say nothing about it, you overlook your friend represent that you are in some extend identify his action, he may get into trouble by police or may disemploy by the collage.（这个里面有多少个you和your？？？） Is that good for your friends? You are only endanger your friends by another means. Even if the mistakes do not cause the great impact, actually with the time going, this bad habits will develop to the real problem.（不是在劝说而是阐述观点所以最后的几句的态度有些问题）

Furthermore, although saying or doing nothing about the mistakes that your friends are made does not destroy your friendship, it has not its real value, the most vital things is covered by your silence.（第三次每个段落的开头都来这么一句这个structure的问题很大啊lz） If you do your best to help your friends find and correct the errors, your friends may be in anger ,however, he may appreciate what you have do to him eventually and more profoundly friendship are established. There is an appropriate example,（啰嗦直接说 For …）when I was in high school, my friends wanted me to help him to cheat in the exam. But I told him that I can not do this for him, at that time he was very angry and always ignore me. （第四次）Eventually I give him a lot of help about his study, and the friendship between us are more firmness.（时态混乱 structure多次出问题）

To sum up, I think the friendship between you and your friends are like the chemical reaction in the basketball, you must give your friends right help at the right time. Therefore from what we have discussed we may come to conclusion that help your friends when he or she make mistakes is a rather wise decision.
（问题1 structure 如果把握不好复杂句就换简单句问题2 时态问题3 不是劝说性的而是摆明观点整体说词汇还是不够变化 you和your占了大量篇幅这个就是论据不够的表现就是说不能从其他的方面去寻找ideas 熊你加油）

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南极熊
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板凳

发表于 2008-12-3 20:27:07 |只看该作者

这是第一篇文章哈，多谢niuniu_dragon 义务帮我改，学习到了一个很重要的地方啊。。
大家一起努力

再次感谢下:handshake :handshake :handshake

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weenbopper
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地板

发表于 2008-12-4 12:31:27 |只看该作者

Nowadays, no one can survive in the society without friends, more and more people are beginning to care about the friendship and face the dilemma to choose whether letting a friend make a mistake and say nothing or doing something that may destroy the friendship. From my point of view, I don not agree that letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.

A threshold argument for my propensity is that, real friendship is depending on what you say or you do that can help your friends, is to some extend depending on how much you care about your friends.(这个句子语法相当混乱，不知道is的主语在哪里？没看懂) If you let you friends make mistakes without doing anything and you do nothing, that　which(逗号后面出现了that) may have a far-reaching impact on your friend in the future. For instance, if you see your friend stole bags in a the colleage, and you just close your eyes and say nothing about it, you overlook your friend represent that you are in some extend identify his action,(整个句子很生硬，连续的用you做主语，建议丰富下句式) he may be caught get into trouble by police or may be disemployed by the colleage. Is that good for your friends? 写作文时尽量少用设问句，英语好象不存在这种句式You are only endanger your friends by another means. Even if the mistakes do not cause the a great impact, actually, with the time going, this bad habits will develop to a the real problem.

Furthermore, although saying or doing nothing about the mistakes that your friends are made making do not destroy your friendship, it has not its real value, the most vital things is covered by your silence没看懂. If you do your best to help your friends find and correct the errors, your friends may be in anger at that time, however, he may appreciate what you have done to him eventually, and more profoundly friendship may be established. There is an appropriate example, when I was in high school, my friends wanted me to help him to cheat in the exam. But I told him that I can not do this for him, at that time he was very angry and always ignore me. Eventually I give him a lot of help on about his study, and the friendship between us are more firmness.

`Y9`g#q!L4BPD
To sum up, I think the friendship between you and your friends are like the chemical reaction in the basketball, 这个句子很突兀，篮球中怎么突然出现了化学反映you must give your friends right help at the right time. Therefore from what we have discussed we may come to conclusion that help your friends when he or she make mistakes is a rather wise decision.bbs.gter
１、没怎么改句子的结构和文章的观点，语法，时态，语态和用词的错误很多，建议ＬＺ加强下这些方面，另外建议交作文之前先利用word的改错功能先自己把文章改一下，不要直接就交上来，这样增加了别人的工作量．
２、两个ＴＳ有错误，强烈建议如果对长句的结构不到位的时候用短句！一段的ＴＳ都有错误，整个这一段肯定会受很大的影响。

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