[活动] 【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12-22 [复制链接]

xiaojing1115
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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-12-22 21:41:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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yuanyuan@560806
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沙发

发表于 2008-12-23 00:23:07 |只看该作者

Nowadays, more cooperation appears in the work place （workplace）especially in the sizeable enterprise, given that the style of cooperation seems more efficient than that of alone. Here comes a heated debate, whether the ability to cooperate with other is more important today than in the past好. Some people, including me, claim that the ability to cooperation is more important than ever, whereas, others are on the opposite hand.寄托家园}u6{'k M1gY
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Firstly, with the rapid development of the globalization, persons （people）with ability to cooperate with other（s） well are welcomed than before. For the business becomes more complex than before, only cooperation well can they accomplish the task perfectly. Innovative ideas and high efficiency appear in the work place where people cooperate with other well. For instance, when begining to plan a project; (,) different people have different ideas, which may cause null controversy between them and(thus) waste(ing) time. Cooperation well can not only prevent them from controversy and cut down the work time but also exerts positive influence on the mastermind the alluring project. In the progress of working, workmates can be divided into several teams and each one can accomplish parts of the task by themselves. This measure can makes good use of time. In the end(有点怪), collaborators can look over the entire project and ameliorate it together if they cooperate well. Therefore, cooperating well with other plays an essential role in current times.|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREdw3|)W w,L

Secondly, cooperating well with other benefits amalgamate each one's advantage. We know that, only aggregating good ideas from different people can we have excellent notion. However, almost all the people want to show themselves in front of the people, this may lead to cause chaos. At this time, cooperating well places much emphasis on aggregating ideas and does well to save time.

In a word, with the development of society, the ability to cooperate with other is more important today than in the past. Not only can this form cut down the time, but can ameliorate the quality of the project as well.

开头很棒，句式丰富，各种句型很漂亮。
三段理由较为合适，可能是没时间写了吧，呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 yuanyuan@560806 于 2008-12-23 00:26 编辑 ]

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hustly0415
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板凳

发表于 2008-12-23 17:22:49 |只看该作者

Nowadays, more cooperation appears in the work place especially in the sizeable enterprise, given that the style of cooperation seems more efficient than that of alone. Here comes a heated debate, whether the ability to cooperate with other is more important today than in the past.(赞一个！) Some people, including me, claim that the ability to cooperation is more important than ever, whereas, others are on the opposite hand.

Firstly, with the rapid development of the globalization, persons with ability to cooperate with others well are (much more) welcomed than before. For the business becomes more complex than before, only cooperation well can they accomplish the task perfectly.（句式的变换很好） Innovative ideas and high efficiency appear in the work place where people cooperate with other well. For instance, when begin to plan a project（句子不完整，缺主语，要改一下）; different people have different ideas, which may cause null controversy between them and waste time.（语法上，这个句子好像是没错，但是总感觉好像念起来音节不整，是不是考虑改成…waste a lot of time） Cooperation well can not only prevent them from controversy and cut down the work time but also exerts positive influence on the mastermind the alluring project(这句看不是很懂。。。). In the progress of working, workmates can be divided into several teams and each one can accomplish parts of the task by themselves. This measure can makes good use of time. In the end, collaborators can look over the entire project and ameliorate it together if they cooperate well. Therefore, cooperating well with other plays an essential role in current times.
Secondly, cooperating well with other benefits amalgamate（两个动词） each one's advantage. We know that, only aggregating good ideas from different people can we have excellent notion.（句式赞一个） However, almost all the people want to show themselves in front of the（改成other是不是更好） people, this may lead to cause（两个动词重复了，任意去掉一个就可以了） chaos. At this time（这句感觉有点中式英语的味道，改成in this case如何？）, cooperating well places much emphasis on aggregating ideas and does well to save time. D f E#G

In a word, with the development of society, the ability to cooperate with other is more important today than in the past. Not only can this form cut down the time, but can ameliorate the quality of the project as well.

总的来说，文章写得很好，呵呵，尤其是作者使用的句式很丰富多变，并且使用了大量的高级词汇，这点很好，很值得我学习。

文章的论证，总的来说，也很好。不过，论证的第一段太长，而第二段太短，猜测是不是因为时间的问题，不过，个人认为，一段论点太长，一段太短，好像是有点不是很好。可以讨论一下。

拍文拍迟了，上午和下午都在上课，希望lz不要怪罪。另外，我作文水平比较差，说得不对的地方，lz多包含，呵呵。

我习惯在word中拍文，本来用颜色标好了的，但是好像效果没有了，把word也发上上来吧，呵呵。

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