[活动] Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组第三次作业 [复制链接]

duduyan11
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-2-11 18:34:32 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

Many argue that government should concentrate on economic development more than protecting natural environment in order to satisy basic needs of the general public. However, it is my contention that government should be strongly urged to provide more financial assistantce envrionment preservation for the alarming damages done by pollution.

First , nurestricted economic development have led to severe environment problems and seriously threaten to human beings' lives . For example , human activity causes the global warming, which can have negative, perhaps enen disastrous, effect on the environment. As we know, modern industry and automobiles rely on fossil fuels, as the major sources of energy. The burning of these fossil fuels increased amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will increase the ability of the air to keep the sun’s heat. As a result, the global temperatures will rise and lead to the melting of the polar ice and a rise in sea levels. Consequently, this could melt the polar ice caps and cause devastating costal flooding all over the world . Major cities like Hong Kong , Shanghai , and Dalian might be totally destroyed.Only if the government should stage some relevant laws or reg ulation to severely punish the factory producing a great number of pollutants and the people littering deliberately.

Second , the natural environment conservation can benefit our society and promote the economic developments accordingly.Strengthening the environmental administration to development projects for promoting economic exploitation and eco-environment conservation under coordinative development.

In addition,the protection of natural environment are vital as well. People are living a better live now. Not only can they have enough food to eat, but they have good quality food as well. Thus, the quality of life becomes the major rythem of people's concerns recently. Protecting natural environment can enhance people's lives by providing fresh air, healthier food, and even make people a good mood.

It is ture that economic development is fundamentally important. However, natural enviroment is highly worthy of our government’s attention and appropriation. No one is willing to see numerious cities wrapped toxic gray shroud, deprived of sunshine, devoid of clean water and air. No one is ready to embrace this catastropic. So, maybe it is the time to take a stand, to rever the tide, or we will not all end up in dead cities.

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artificialguy
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新手上路

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沙发

发表于 2009-2-12 16:43:40 |只看该作者

Many people argue that government should concentrate more on economic development more(删除) than on protecting natural environment in order to satisy(改成satisify) basic needs of the general public. However, it is(删) my contention is that the government should be strongly urged to provide environmental preservation with more financial conditions as the alarming damages done by pollution.

First, nurestricted(unrestricted) economic development have led to severe environment problems and seriously threatens human beings' lives . For example, human activity causes the global warming, which can have negative, perhaps enen(even) disastrous, effect on the environment. As we all know, modern industry and automobiles rely on fossil fuels as the major sources of energy. The burning of these fossil fuels increased(causes) a large amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, which will increase the ability of the air to keep the sun’s heat(make easier for the air to keep heat from the sun). As a result, the global average temperatures(temperature) will rise and lead to the melting of the polar ice and a rise in sea levels. Consequently, this could melt the polar ice caps and cause devastating costal flooding all over the world . Major cities like Hong Kong, Shanghai, and Dalian might be totally destroyed. Only if the government should stage some relevant laws or regulations to severely punish the factory producing a great number of pollutants and the people littering deliberately.

Second, the natural environment conservation can benefit our society and promote the economic development accordingly. Strengthening the environmental administration to development projects for promoting economic exploitation and eco-environment conservation under coordinative development.(不是主谓宾结构)

In addition,the protection of natural environment are vital as well（已经有了in addition，可删）. People are living a better live now. Not only can they have enough food to eat, but they have food with good quality. Thus, the quality of life becomes the major rythem of people's concerns recently. Protecting natural environment can enhance people's lives by providing fresh air, healthier food, and even make people a good mood.

It is true that economic development is fundamentally important. However, natural environment is highly worthy of our governments' attention and appropriation. No one is willing to see numerous cities wrapped toxic gray shroud, deprived of sunshine, devoid of clean water and air. No one is ready to embrace this catastrophic. So, maybe it is the time to take a stand, to rever(reave?) the tide, or we will not all end up in dead cities. 结尾好！概括全文

第一次拍文，拍的不好，还请见谅！

颜色复制过来没有显示，还不知道怎么上传附件，dudu要是要word版的话群上q我下，谢~

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one0509
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板凳

发表于 2009-2-13 10:03:22 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 one0509 于 2009-2-13 10:05 编辑

Many argue that government should concentrate on economic development more than protecting natural environment in order to satisy（satisfy） basic needs of the general public. However, it is my contention that government should be strongly urged to provide more financial assistantce envrionment (assistance to environment 单词拼写要注意) preservation for the alarming damages done by pollution.

First , nurestricted (unrestricted) economic development have led to severe environment problems and (这里用and 不太合适吧，变成无限制的经济发展威胁了人类生活，我建议改成which 连接的定语从句，修饰problems) seriously threaten to(去掉to) human beings' lives . For example, human activity causes the global warming, which can have negative, perhaps enen(even) disastrous, effect on the environment. As we know, modern industry and automobiles rely on fossil fuels, as(去as,直接做插入语) the major sources of energy. The burning of these fossil fuels increased amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will increase the ability of the air to keep the sun’s heat.（这句好像双主语了,第一个increase改成,increasing,做一个状语成分） As a result, the global temperatures will rise and lead to the melting of the polar ice and a rise in sea levels. Consequently, this could melt the polar ice caps and cause devastating costal (coastal) flooding all over the world . Major cities like Hong Kong, Shanghai , and Dalian might be totally destroyed. Only if the government should stage some relevant laws or regulation to severely punish the factory producing a great number of pollutants and the people littering deliberately.

Second, the natural environment conservation can benefit our society and promote the economic developments accordingly. Strengthening the environmental administration to development projects for promoting economic exploitation (这句意思有问题，什么叫促进经济波动)and eco-environment conservation under coordinative development.
这段的观点展开不够啊，没有什么例证

In addition, the protection of natural environment are vital as well. People are living a better live now. Not only can they have enough food to eat, but they have good quality food as well. Thus, the quality of life becomes the major rythem of people's concerns recently. Protecting natural environment can enhance people's lives by providing fresh air, healthier food, and even make people a good mood.
It is ture （true）that economic development is fundamentally important. However, natural enviroment （environment）is highly worthy of our government’s attention and appropriation. No one is willing to see numerious（numerous） cities wrapped toxic gray shroud, deprived of sunshine, (and) devoid of clean water and air. No one is ready to embrace this catastrophic (catastrophe). So, maybe it is the time to take a stand, to rever the tide, or we will not all end up in dead cities.& u

拼写类的问题太多了，严重影响质量

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