[a习作temp] 【☆09GRE作文冲刺组】圣斗士3月1日作文Argument35 [复制链接]

d596086
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-3-1 23:30:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 d596086 于 2009-3-1 23:32 编辑

题目：ARGUMENT35 - The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. "Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
字数：450 用时：00:30:00 日期：2009-3-1 23:19:12

In this memo, the resident of Mentia expects that the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia will continued reduce since the salicylates, which has the same chemical element as aspirin, was found can also be used as flavor additives for foods. To support this argument, the arguer points out a study showing a steady decline among participants. However, after close scrutiny, I find a series of fallacies in the argument which make it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the argument rests on the assumption that the Salicylates have the same function as aspirin to tread headaches. However, merely the fact that Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin says nothing about its function and effects on the treatment of headaches. Even though the foods which naturally rich in salicylates, there is no direct evidence proving that the adding salicylates as preservatives has the same effectiveness as well.

In addition, the arguer commits the fallacy of confusing the correlation with causal relationship. As for this study, the author fails to prove that it is the commercial use of salicylates in food that results in the steady decline in the participants. First, there is no evidence indicating that all the participants in the study have used this kind of food containing salicylates. Secondly, even though they ate the salicylates, perhaps some of them also use other medicine as well, say the aspirin. Moreover, the study itself also has many problems. Although this study lasts for twenty-year, whether the sample size is large enough is also a question.Wihtou ruling out these possibilities, the arguer cannot convince us that the salicylates is the major factor due to the decline in the average number of headaches among participants.

Even thong the study is reliable, the arguer also commit a fallacy of hasty generalization, since the fact that the salicylates can also be used as flavor additives lends little support to this argument. There is no evidence showing that the new use for salicylates will be popular and welcome among people. Perhaps the taste of this kind of flavor additives is awesome. Or perhaps after the flavor is added in foods, the prices of which increase as well, which negatively influences its selling situation. In one word, without clear evidence showing that the new function of salicylates will attract more customers, the prediction of a further decline in the number of headaches is unsounded.

In sum, to justify this argument, the author must provide convincing evidences proving the validity of the study and the function of salicylates. To better evaluate this argument, I also need to get more information about people's attitude toward this flavor of salicylates.

You can call me a dreamer, but I am not alnoe

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沙发

发表于 2009-3-2 13:54:26 |只看该作者

题目：ARGUMENT35 - The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. "Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
字数：450 用时：00:30:00 日期：2009-3-1 23:19:12
限时与字数向你学习。
In this memo, the resident of Mentia expects that the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia will continued reduce （reducing）since the salicylates, which has the same chemical element as aspirin, was found can also be used as flavor additives for foods. To support this argument, the arguer points out a study showing a steady decline among participants. (你要总结干脆总结全面一些吧)However, after close scrutiny, I find a series of fallacies in the argument which make it unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the argument rests on the assumption that the Salicylates have the same function as aspirin to tread headaches. However, merely the fact that Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin says nothing about its function and effects on the treatment of headaches.（one step further would serves you point better）Even though the foods which naturally rich in salicylates,（你这段其实攻击了两个问题，但都仅是指出） there is no direct evidence proving that the adding salicylates as preservatives has the same effectiveness as well.

In addition, the arguer commits the fallacy of confusing the correlation with causal relationship（其它我在写这点的时候也在想，作者是不是有这样的错误呢？但我们一定可以说其它的可能关系。）. As for this study, the author fails to prove that it is the commercial use of salicylates in food that results in the steady decline in the participants. First, there is no evidence indicating that all the participants in the study have used this kind of food containing salicylates（这个我没有想到呢，A的错误可真是多，我们真应该找最重要的先说了）. Secondly, even though they ate the salicylates, perhaps some of them also use other medicine as well, say the aspirin.（这个我也没想到，像你学习！其实你的攻击点承认decline,但可能在于人们可能没吃，或者吃了没的，我怀疑数据的准确性针对于decline本身，相同的是都是在于对S作用的怀疑。） Moreover, the study itself also has many problems. Although this study lasts for twenty-year, whether the sample size is large enough is also a question.Wihtou ruling out these possibilities, the arguer cannot convince us that the salicylates is the major factor due to the decline in the average number of headaches among participants.

Even thong the study is reliable, the arguer also commit a fallacy of hasty generalization, since the fact that the salicylates can also be used as flavor additives lends little support to this argument这个可以详细. There is no evidence showing that the new use for salicylates will be popular and welcome among people. Perhaps the taste of this kind of flavor additives is awesome（漂亮！）. Or perhaps after the flavor is added in foods, the prices of which increase （我觉得balloon会更好，你说呢）as well, which negatively influences its selling situation（sales? Popularity?）. In one word好词, without clear evidence showing that the new function of salicylates will attract more customers, the prediction of a further decline in the number of headaches is unsounded.

In sum, to justify this argument, the author must provide convincing evidences proving the validity（也可以这么说） of the study and the function of salicylates. To better evaluate this argument, I also need to get more information about people's attitude toward this flavor （不是它的味道吧）of salicylates.

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