[i习作temp] ISSUE208【0906G背水一战三月小组】第9次作业 By fireofnight [复制链接]

fireofnight
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-3-18 11:43:55 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Nowadays, fashion shows, focusing on displaying newest apparels, are leading the trends of our society. People, including the speaker, assert that appearance and behavior reveal a society's ideas and values. I agree with the insofar out looking is a way to express oneself, which makes it be the way for people being understood, however, apparels could be a mask hiding one's mind and, other than by the out looking, there are other ways to investigate the society's trend.

To begin with, dressing styles and behaviors do reflect some main features of a society in certain age. For instance, Qin, known as the first dynasty in China's history, is a kingdom in which people are mostly dressing in tight cloth, which enable them to be more motive and born to be cavaliers. Because of that, Qin had the strongest military power in that age. On contradict, Song, another dynasty in China, later than Qin, had the largest number of poets and musicians in China's history; at which age, people are dressing in loosen cloth. This feature reflects people's inter sprits of freedom and love to the nature, which inspired them for creating poem and music. Overall speaking, apparels and behavior are symbols of a society reflecting its ideas and values.

However, people are not always tend to express themselves by the way they dress and behavior, or even, these out looking features are acting as masks separating people internal mind from the outside world. It is common to hear that some of the richest people in the world, no matter what purposes they have, tend to dress in casual and not to behave outstandingly in the way people could distinguish them from normal people. On the other hand, poor and self-diffident people might prefer dressing differently and expressing to hide their real status.

Moreover, other than telling one's ideas and values by what they dress and how they behave, we can explain the society in many other ways. Books, laws, economics, technical products, etc. can be other aspects displaying the world. For instance, The Declaration of Independence, a statement made by a group a people who fought for freedom and liberty as the establishment of United States, had been revealing people's ideas and wills at that age, as well as, influencing the followers all over the world for a long while. Furthermore, internet is another apt example for reflecting people's life style, by which we can communicate with each other without even seeing their faces.

In conclusion, despite look, dress, and act are important features for displaying an society's ideas and value, they could sometimes play a opposite role by hiding the reality under the mask. In addition, we could explain the world better if we look into elements other than observing the appearance and behavior of its people.

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kl1130
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沙发

发表于 2009-3-19 14:15:40 |只看该作者

ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

Nowadays, fashion shows, focusing on displaying newest apparels, are leading the trends of our society. People, including the speaker, assert that appearance and behavior reveal a society's ideas and values. I agree with the insofar out looking is a way to express oneself, which makes it be the way for people being understood, however, apparels could be a mask hiding one's mind and, other than by the out looking, there are other ways to investigate the society's trend.（this topic focus on the ideas and values, not the trend）
If I did not understand you in a wrong way, you want to present that the outlooking of people can not reveal a society's ideas and values. The first paragraph is very attractive.

To begin with, dressing styles and behaviors do reflect some main features of a society in certain age. For instance, Qin, known as the first dynasty in China's history, is a kingdom in which people are mostly dressing in tight cloth, which enable them to be more motive and born to be cavaliers. Because of that, Qin had the strongest military power in that age. On contradict, Song, another dynasty in China, later than Qin, had the largest number of poets and musicians in China's history; at which age, people are dressing in loosen cloth. This feature reflects people's inter sprits of freedom and love to the nature, which inspired them for creating poem and music. Overall speaking, apparels and behavior are symbols of a society reflecting its ideas and values.
两个朝代，一个重武，一个重文，所以有不同的装束，例子很好

However, people are not always tend to express themselves by the way they dress and behavior, or even, these out looking features are acting as masks separating people internal mind from the outside world. It is common to hear that some of the richest people in the world, no matter what purposes they have, tend to dress in casual and not to behave outstandingly in the way people could distinguish them from normal people. On the other hand, poor and self-diffident people might prefer dressing differently and expressing to hide their real status.
这段就不太好了，有点弱，我觉得，人们愿意穿一些不同于他们身份的衣服，恰恰说明了他们对于生活处于一种叛逆，或者无所求状态，也正好说明了The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests。

Moreover, other than telling one's ideas and values by what they dress and how they behave, we can explain the society in many other ways. Books, laws, economics, technical products, (really to the point)etc. can be other aspects displaying the world. For instance, The Declaration of Independence, a statement made by a group a people who fought for freedom and liberty as the establishment of United States, had been revealing people's ideas and wills at that age, as well as, influencing the followers all over the world for a long while. Furthermore, internet is another apt example for reflecting people's life style, by which we can communicate with each other without even seeing their faces.
我没写这个题目，因为我觉得很难写，不过看了你这段，有种豁然开朗的感觉，其实外形和行动可以体现社会价值，别的一些东西也可以，但是有一个问题是，题目说的是You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people，much不是全部，我想你的观点应该也是赞同，much的，如果你偏重写其他的一些东西（Books, laws, economics, technical products）就会有些偏题的感觉，其实你的想法很好，就是没表达清楚，比如你在第一论述段，肯定一下题目的说法，然后在结论中肯定下题目的说法，但扩展一些别的观点，稍微改下，就是篇很好的文章了

In conclusion, despite look, dress, and act are important features for displaying an society's ideas and value, they could sometimes play a opposite role by hiding the reality under the mask. In addition, we could explain the world better if we look into elements other than observing the appearance and behavior of its people.

我个人认为这个题目的说法是很严谨，而且正确的，他并没有用all，only之类的词，我觉得你写得也很好，就是表达稍微有些偏差，个人感觉，重点有些偏
你的表达，我没法挑毛病，写得挺好

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yang1989
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板凳

发表于 2009-3-19 19:17:20 |只看该作者

2# kl1130
Nowadays, fashion shows, focusing on displaying newest apparels, areleading the trends of our society. People, including the speaker,assert that appearance and behavior reveal a society's ideas andvalues. I agree with the （replace "the" into "the opinion"）insofar (as; since "insofar" is an adv.)out looking is a way to expressoneself, which makes it be the way for people being understood(这个being短语感觉用得有点奇怪),（；）however, apparels could be a mask hiding one's mind and, other than bythe out looking, there are other ways to investigate the society'strend.

To begin with, dressing styles and behaviors do reflect some mainfeatures of a society in certain age. For instance, Qin, known as thefirst dynasty in China's history, is a kingdom in which people aremostly dressing in tight cloth, which enable them to be more motive andborn to be cavaliers （衣服使他们生来就是武士？）. Because of that, Qin had the strongest militarypower in that age. On contradict, Song, another dynasty in China, laterthan Qin, had the largest number of poets and musicians in China'shistory; at which age, people are dressing in loosen cloth. Thisfeature reflects people's inter（inner） sprits （spirits）of freedom and love to (of) thenature, which inspired them for creating (to create)poem(s) and music. Overallspeaking, apparels and behavior are symbols of a society reflecting itsideas and values.
例子很好。

However, people are not always tend to express themselves by the waythey dress and behavior, or even, these out looking features are actingas masks separating people internal mind from the outside world. It iscommon to hear that some of the richest people in the world, no matterwhat purposes they have, tend to dress in casual and not to behaveoutstandingly in the way people could （not）distinguish them from normalpeople. On the other hand, poor and self-diffident people might preferdressing differently and expressing to hide their real status. （加一个段内conclusion会更完整。）

Moreover, other than telling one's ideas and values by what they dressand how they behave, we can explain the society in many other ways.Books, laws, economics, technical products, etc. can be other aspectsdisplaying （maybe expressions like "other keys deciphering" are better? I feel "display" somehow uncomfortable..）the world. For instance, The Declaration of Independence, astatement made by a group a people who fought for freedom and libertyas the establishment of United States, had been revealing people'sideas and wills at that age, as well as, influencing the followers allover the world for a long while. Furthermore, internet is another aptexample for reflecting people's life style, by which we can communicatewith each other without even seeing their faces.
个人觉得这段不是很有说服力。因为论题是说外表可以很大程度上展现，并没有否定它。这一段放上来感觉不痛不痒的。

In conclusion, despite look, dress, and act are （being）important features fordisplaying an society's ideas and value, they could sometimes play a(n)opposite role by hiding the reality under the mask. In addition, wecould explain the world better if we look into elements other thanobserving the appearance and behavior of its people.

总体很清楚，但论证似乎有些薄弱。语言很流畅。

cheers!

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