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[i习作temp] 0910G【Try Best】第一小组 issue99 by GG86_Fly [复制链接]

GG86_Fly
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-5-22 21:01:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
WORDS: 509       TIME: 01:30:57       DATE: 2009-5-22  15:46:06

Pragmatic behavior is the essential means for us to survival in this society which is full of competitions and opportunities. In the realm of business, when pragmatic is mentioned, we always associate it with money or other immediate efforts. Admittedly, Pragmatic behavior can guarantee us to have enough money to buy food and achieve our short-term goals though an efficient and rapid way. However, I am certainly not a realist. I don't think a person with only practical views and pragmatic behaviors in mind can succeed.

A practical way to run a company is to try their best to earn as much money as possible. Some companies indeed reach it. San Lu group is one of the most famous diary factories in China. However, in 2008, it was found to sell baby milk powder tainted with toxic materials used in industry to children. The factory’s inspectors can not prevent the toxic milk powder from feeding to infants. Some infants died after drinking the powdered milk, and many other children took ill or had acute kidney failure. It is sarcastically that the belief of that factory is "to give a strong body and a better life for kids". Some executives in "SanLu" may argue," it is impossible for only our company to achieve this belief, and it is just an advertisement. We have so many workers, a wise and practical method is to earn a lot of money to pay the workers and run this company." However, this "wise and practical" suggestion leads a burst-up to this big factory.

It is so danger to only take a practical view. Now Jack may say " I have a glorious ideal, then I will success if I always keep it in mind."  It is regret that a beautiful garden built in the air without foundation can not assure a "living happy after" life to you. The experience of Robert Owen is a vivid case to Jack.

Owen is a typical idealist. He bought 30,000 acres land in Indian in 1824, decided to test his idea of community in American of which concept was quiet different from Karl Marx’s. After only 4 years, His New Harmony Model co-operative community experiment failed as the settlement becoming overcrowded and the chaos developed.

From what is mentioned above, it is certainly to draw a conclusion that  an ideal is the direction of  life, without which, we are just on our way to become a mechanized and materialized savage, while pragmatic behavior is the means to achieve the ideal which can prevent us from being the mere visionary dreamer. Only to have a pragmatic behavior while keeping a great ideal in mind can we succeed.

The ideal of the Republic of China is to become a communistic society. How does it come true when the nation still has the highest wealth gap between urban and rural, and a 30% illiteracy rate in Tibet. The down-to-earth policy is to eliminate the social inequality and to enhance the quality of education. The Chinese government has already taken some practical and efficient policies, such as taking reform in education, increasing the financial aid to rural and encouraging people to help develop economy and culture of rural. Although the ideal is hard to realize, it will be waiting in corner on the way if we go step by step with a down-to-earth action and an inspiring ideal.

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xfyong
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沙发

发表于 2009-5-23 00:31:44 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 xfyong 于 2009-5-23 00:37 编辑

In my first impression, this issue has rich content,the idea is well supported by some typical examples,including domestic and foreigns,showing the author knowledged and social concerned;the language is also worth to be learned,short sentences and long sentences interleaving,even some professional words are correctedly presented.
But to be frankly,the total structure is not so complete,for that wo can not see a summary of the issue,and the layers is also not so clear.
I guess,the author must want to finish this issue in the limited time,so as to lose a perfect tail of the issue.
Keep trying !

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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442371236
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板凳

发表于 2009-5-27 18:24:08 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 442371236 于 2009-5-28 09:25 编辑

Pragmatic behavior is the(an似乎更好) essential means for us to survival survive in this society which is full of competitions and opportunities. In the realm of business, when pragmatic （pragmatism is mentioned, we always associate it with money or other immediate efforts. Admittedly, Pragmatic behavior can guarantee us to have to have可以去掉 enough money to buy food and achieve our short-term goals though through an efficient and rapid way. However, I am certainly not a realist. I don't think a person with only practical views and pragmatic behaviors in mind can succeed.

A practical way to run a company is to try their best to earn as much money as possible. Some companies indeed reach it. San Lu group is one of the most famous diary factories in China. However, in 2008, it was found to sell baby milk powder tainted with toxic materials used in industry to children. The factory’s inspectors can could not prevent the toxic milk powder from feeding to infants. Some infants died after drinking the powdered milk, and many other children took ill or had acute kidney failure. It is sarcastically that the belief of that factory is "to give a strong body and a better life for kids". Some executives in "SanLu" may argue," it is impossible for only our company to achieve this belief, and it is just an advertisement. We have so many workers, a wise and practical method is to earn a lot of money to pay the workers and run this company." However, this "wise and practical" suggestion leads a burst-up to this big factory.

It is so dangerous to only take a practical view. Now Jack may say " I have a glorious ideal, then I will successsucceed if I always keep it in mind."  It is regretful that a beautiful garden built in the air without foundation can not assure a "living happy after" life to you. The experience of Robert Owen is a vivid case to Jack.

Owen is a typical idealist. He bought 30,000 acres land in Indian in 1824, decided to test his idea of community in American of which concept was quiet different from Karl Marx’s. After only 4 years, His New Harmony Model co-operative community experiment failed as the settlement becoming overcrowded and the chaos developed.

From what is mentioned above, it is certainly to draw a conclusion that  an ideal is the direction of  life, without which, we are just on our way to become a mechanized and materialized savage, while pragmatic behavior is the a 否则太绝对means to achieve the ideal which can prevent us from being the mere visionary dreamer. Only to have by having似乎更好 a pragmatic behavior while keeping a great ideal in mind can we succeed.

The ideal of the Republic of China is to become a communistic society. How does it come true when the nation still has the highest wealth gap between urban and rural, and a 30% illiteracy rate in Tibet. The down-to-earth policy is to eliminate the social inequality and to enhance the quality of education. The Chinese government has already taken some practical and efficient policies, such as taking reform in education, increasing the financial aid to rural and encouraging people to help develop economy and culture of rural. Although the ideal is hard to realize, it will be waiting in corner on the way if we go step by step with a down-to-earth action and an inspiring ideal.(文章例子很多，也很具说服力，无太多语法错误，也注重了句式的变换，我觉得以后可以多加强句子的简洁性就词汇的多样性。还有就是例子能有一两个广泛知道的更好。

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小红莓
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地板

发表于 2009-5-28 17:00:02 |只看该作者

Pragmatic behavior is the（an比较好吧？因为这只是一种途径，并不是唯一） essential means for us to survival in this society which is full of competitions and opportunities. In the realm of business, when pragmatic（是不是应该换成名词？我不确定） is mentioned, we always associate it with money or other immediate efforts. Admittedly, Pragmatic behavior can guarantee us to （guarantee没有这个用法，正确的是guarantee to do, guarantee that```, guarantee sth against sth,这是来自牛津的解释）have enough money to buy food and achieve our short-term goals though （是想用through这个词吧？我没找到through the way这个用法，through一般表示穿过，应该用in the way比较合适）an efficient and rapid way. However, I am certainly not a realist.（背范文了吧？呵呵，用的很好！） I don't think a person with only practical views and pragmatic behaviors in mind can succeed.

A practical way to run a company is to try their（谁的？如果不明确就换个短语或者不用） best to earn as much money as possible. Some companies indeed reach it. San Lu group (, for example,) is one of the most famous diary factories in China. However, in 2008, it was found to sell baby milk powder tainted with toxic materials used in industry(建议使用industrial toxic materials，因为这本身就是一个后置定语来修饰powder，再用一个后置定语容易混淆) to children. The factory’s inspectors can not prevent the toxic milk powder from feeding to（feeding就可以了，feed to意为“向•••提供食物”，奶粉怎么能提供食物？） infants. Some infants died after drinking the powdered milk, and many other children took ill（生病可以说成be ill或者be taken ill，没有take ill这个用法） or had acute kidney failure（可以这么用吗？我不确定，觉得有点别扭，用disease比较正常吧？）. It is sarcastically that the belief of that factory is "to give a strong body and a better life for kids". Some executives in "SanLu" may argue," it is impossible for only our company to achieve this belief, and it is just an advertisement. We have so many workers, a wise and practical method is to earn a lot of money to pay the workers and run this company（两个句子可以直接用逗号连接吗？建议加and或者so）." However, this "wise and practical" suggestion leads a burst-up to this big factory.（举例之后最后有一句结论性的话来说明一下，否则不好与下一段衔接，并且不能说明你的例子切题）

It is so danger to only take a practical view. Now Jack may say " I have a glorious ideal, then I will success if I always keep it in mind."  It is regret that a beautiful garden built in the air without foundation can not assure a "living happy after" life to you. The experience of Robert Owen is a vivid case to Jack.

Owen is a typical idealist. He bought 30,000 acres land in Indian in 1824, decided to test his idea of community in American of which concept was quiet different from Karl Marx’s. After only 4 years, His New Harmony Model co-operative community experiment failed as the settlement becoming overcrowded and the chaos developed.

From what is mentioned above, it is certainly to draw a conclusion that  an ideal is the direction of  life, without which, we are just on our way to become a mechanized and materialized savage, while pragmatic behavior is the means to achieve the ideal which can prevent us from being the mere visionary dreamer. Only to have（by having比较好） a pragmatic behavior while keeping a great ideal in mind can we succeed.

The ideal of the Republic of China is to become a communistic society. How does（could是不是更好？） it come true when the nation still has the highest wealth gap between urban and rural (areas, urban and rural是形容词！), and a 30% illiteracy rate in Tibet. The down-to-earth policy is to eliminate the social inequality and to enhance the quality of education. The Chinese government has already taken some practical and efficient policies, such as taking reform in education, increasing the financial aid to rural and encouraging people to help develop economy and culture of rural. Although the ideal is hard to realize, it will be waiting in corner on the way if we go step by step with a down-to-earth action and an inspiring ideal.（怎么说呢这一段？我感觉还是用中庸一点的写法，直接下结论好了，例子可以用在别的段落，最好不要把例子作为结尾。并且你的例子只是在说中国的国情，没有对整篇文章的整个论述做一个总结）

刚才改了一篇文章，一放到word里我都快吓死了，全是红线，看到你这篇心里舒坦多了，呵呵。总结一下你的文章，我感觉你有大牛的风范，没有按照普通的开头结尾三段论写法来写，我不知道这样好不好，希望你能按你自己的风格发扬光大吧：）

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