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[i习作temp] 0910G [Just do it] Issue 13 by greenxs [复制链接]

greenxs
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-7 20:39:47 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 greenxs 于 2009-8-24 12:30 编辑

。

一学那贤良的王二姐，二学那开磨坊的李三娘

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houpei0126
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-8 23:56:24 |只看该作者

We often heard that: "One world, one dream." It is not surprising that the globalization is really diminishing the differences among culture. At the same time, there is a crucial problem that many lesser-known languages are being lost because fewer and fewer people speak them. So the author suggests that governments of these countries should do something to prevent languages from being extinct. From my personal perspective, such a problem needs governments to call for a balanced thought.(开头点名主旨)

To begin with, it is the responsibility for(这个介词的用法有歧义) the governments of countries which languages are being lost to protect their mother tongues. It is true that, in order to pursue stability and prosperity, a lot of governments encourage their people to study a second language, and even some of them change the second language to their official language（这个有一些历史原因，但我觉得应该不是他们自愿的吧）. But they have never thought that one day their native language will died forever. Recently, some scholars said, except for the convenience and benefits of globalization, over half of the world's seven thousand languages, unfortunately, are in danger of disappearing. A survey points out that every two weeks one language disappears, and experts propose(整句话不应该用一般现在时) to establish a language museum which could used to collect non-existing languages. This assertion not just shocks us, but also indicates the emergency of this problem. Since a local language of its country is the tool of local people to communicate with their ancestors and each other,（这种表达用为递进或者其他句式，这样直接说会有点不舒服） if its people do not use its native language, or they have to know their native languages from museum, its traditional culture and knowledge may disappear with their language either. Then, what will happen to the country? The function of governments is to guarantee their people and offspring to have a sustainable development not only with substance but also with culture and spirit（这个词说实在感觉不是很恰当）. Therefore, these governments should ensure their lesser-know （known）language stop disappearing. (这段的讨论可以再深入一点, 或者角度再多一些)
Furthermore, language disappearing will be a disaster for all of people（还是换一个吧，这个用法咋都没怎么见过呢）, which is just like being extinct animals. Because the valuable information contained within a language is abundant, once it loses, it loses forever（时态不对，虚拟语气的用法啊）. It just likes the dinosaurs never back to earth again.(整个句子表达不够流畅) For example, a lot of ancient languages include the helpful information about local medicine, plants and animals, which might be the knowledge that some scientists try to research all their lives. When the language died, the information will be unknown to scientists. So all of people have the duty to protect the lesser-know（known） languages in case they disappear from our world.

However, different countries have their own urgent issues; the intensity of protecting being lost language should be based on different situations, especially for the relatively laggard countries, since there are several reasons for language’s extinction which include economic reason, utility, and the world trends. From these we could see that the strength of the country will influence its language disappearing directly. Because many counties have to put more energy to focus on the most emergent problems, such as famine, homeless or unemployment, and it will be cruel for the governments to solve language problem but ignore these troubles. In my opinion, if the governments do not have the ability to resolve it by them-selves, they could find other solutions, like seeking some organizations for help, developing some charities for disappearing language or setting up scholarship to encourage students to study the lesser-known language.(这个提议不错)
All in all, as I have mentioned above, the governments of countries with these lesser-known languages should weigh carefully about this problem. With the backdrop of worldwide tide, they could do their best to protect the disappearing language or resort to other solutions （不是很懂这句话的表达（protect to other solution?））to prevent languages from being extinction.
陈述出总体来说，论点鲜明，层层递进的把自己的观点来。
但问题是，有一些语法错误，句子的表达不够流畅，地道。
论点剖析可以在深入些，不要重复太多
加油啦。。提升的空间还很大哦！

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greenxs
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板凳

发表于 2009-6-9 14:34:13 |只看该作者

修改完的

We often heard that: "one world, one dream." It is not surprising that the globalization is really diminishing the differences among culture. At the same time, there is a crucial problem that many lesser-known languages are being lost because fewer and fewer people speak them. So the author suggests that governments of these countries should do something to prevent languages from being extinct. From my personal perspective, such a problem needs governments to call for a balanced thought.

To begin with, it is the responsibility of the governments of countries which languages are being lost to protect their mother tongues. It is true that, in order to pursue stability and prosperity, a lot of governments encourage their people to study a second language, and even some of them have to change the second language to their official language. But they have never thought that one day their native language will died forever. Recently, some scholars said, except for the convenience and benefits of globalization, over half of the world's seven thousand languages, unfortunately, are in danger of disappearing. A survey points out that every two weeks one language disappears, and experts propose to establish a language museum which could be applied to collect non-existing languages. This assertion not just shocks us, but also indicates the emergency of this problem. Since a local language of its country is the tool of local people to communicate with their ancestors and each other, if its people do not use their native language, or if they have to learn their native language from museums, then its traditional culture and rich heritage may disappear together with their language. Then, what will happen to the country? The function of governments is to guarantee their people and offspring to have a sustainable development not only with substance but also with culture and spirit. Therefore, these governments should ensure their lesser-known language stop disappearing.

Furthermore, language disappearing will be a disaster for all of people, which is just like being extinct animals. Because the valuable information contained within a language is abundant, once it loses, it loses forever. It just likes the dinosaurs never back to earth again. For example, a lot of ancient languages include the helpful information about local medicine, plants and animals, which might be the knowledge that some scientists try to research all their lives. When the language died, the information will be unknown to scientists. So all of people have the duty to protect the lesser-know languages in case they disappear from our world.

However, different countries have their own urgent issues; the intensity of protecting being lost language should be based on different situations, especially for the relatively laggard countries, since there are several reasons for language’s extinction which include economic reason, utility, and the world trends. From these we could see that the strength of the country will influence its language disappearing directly. Because many counties have to put more energy to focus on the most emergent problems, such as famine, homeless or unemployment, and it will be cruel for the governments to solve language problem but ignore these troubles. In my opinion, if the governments do not have the ability to resolve it by them-selves, they could find other solutions, like seeking some organizations for help, developing some charities for disappearing language or setting up scholarship to encourage students to study the lesser-known language.

All in all, as I have mentioned above, the governments of countries with these lesser-known languages should weigh carefully about this problem. With the backdrop of worldwide tide, they could do their best to protect the disappearing language or resort to other solutions to prevent languages from being extinction.

一学那贤良的王二姐，二学那开磨坊的李三娘

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地板

发表于 2009-6-9 22:30:27 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 dodolulu 于 2009-6-9 22:49 编辑

We often hear that: "one world, one dream." It is not surprising that the globalization is really diminishing the differences among culture. At the same time, there is a crucial problem that many lesser-known languages are being lost because fewer and fewer people speak them. So the author suggests that governments of these countries should do something to prevent languages from being extinct. From my personal perspective, such a problem needs governments to call for a balanced thought.
To begin with, it is the responsibility of the governments of countries which languages are being lost to protect their mother tongues. It is true that, in order to pursue stability and prosperity, a lot of governments encourage their people to study a second language, and even some of them have to change the second language to their official language这种情况是过去式吧. But they have never thought that one day their native language will died forever这句话主观性太强了吧. Recently, some scholars said, except for the convenience and benefits of globalization, over half of the world's seven thousand languages, unfortunately, are in danger of disappearing. A survey points out that every two weeks one language disappears, and experts propose to establish a language museum which could be applied to collect non-existing languages 后半句不是survey指出的吧. This assertion not just shocks us, but also indicates the emergency of this problem很精彩的承接句，学习一下. Since a local language of its country is the tool of local people to communicate with their ancestors and each other, if its people do not use their native languages, or if they have to learn their native language from museums, then its traditional culture and rich heritage may disappear together with their language. Then, what will happen to the country?The function of governments is to guarantee their people and offspring to have a sustainable development not only with substance but also with culture and spirit这句话使文章上了一个层次. Therefore, these governments should ensure their lesser-known languages stop disappearing.

Furthermore, languages disappearing will be a disaster for all of people, which is just like being extinct animals. Because the valuable information contained within a language is abundant, once it loses, it loses forever. It just likes the dinosaurs never back to earth again. For example, a lot of ancient languages include the helpful information about local medicine, plants and animals, which might be the knowledge that some scientists try to research all their lives. When the language died, the information will be unknown to scientists. So all of people have the duty to protect the lesser-know languages in case they disappear from our world.

However, different countries have their own urgent issues; the intensity of protecting being lost language should be based on different situations, especially for the relatively laggard countries, since there are several reasons for language’s extinction which include economic reason, utility, and the world trends. From these we could see that the strength of the country will influence its language disappearing directly. Because many counties have to put more energy to focus on the most emergent problems, such as famine, homeless or unemployment, and it will be cruel for the governments to solve language problem but ignore these troubles. In my opinion, if the governments do not have the ability to resolve it by them-selves, they could find other solutions, like seeking some organizations for help, developing some charities for disappearing language or setting up scholarship to encourage students to study the lesser-known language.

All in all, as I have mentioned above, the governments of countries with these lesser-known languages should weigh carefully about this problem. With the backdrop of worldwide tide, they could do their best to protect the disappearing language or resort to other solutions to prevent languages from being extinct.
基本没什么问题，真的很欣赏你文章中句子与句子，段落与段落间的逻辑性，到底是喝过洋墨水的，不是一般的强!加油！！

疯了，颜色是调不好了，你看看word文档吧

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greenxs
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5楼

发表于 2009-6-10 12:12:54 |只看该作者

误会了，我没喝过洋墨水。。。。而且我是四级差点没过的那种。呵呵，其实现在咱们的问题都一样，都是处于能写句子，但是写不好，大家水平都差不多，互改也就挑不出大毛病，只是纠正语法之类的。。。这样反而更让人忧虑

4# dodolulu

一学那贤良的王二姐，二学那开磨坊的李三娘

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greenxs
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6楼

发表于 2009-6-10 12:14:04 |只看该作者

修改之后的

We often hear that: "one world, one dream." It is not surprising that the globalization is really diminishing the differences among culture. At the same time, there is a crucial problem that many lesser-known languages are being lost because fewer and fewer people speak them. So the author suggests that governments of these countries should do something to prevent languages from being extinct. From my personal perspective, such a problem needs governments to call for a balanced thought.

To begin with, it is the responsibility of the governments of countries which languages are being lost to protect their mother tongues. It is true that, in order to pursue stability and prosperity, a lot of governments encourage their people to study a second language, and even some of them had to change the second language to their official language. But they may never predict that one day their native language will died forever. Recently, some scholars said, except for the convenience and benefits of globalization, over half of the world's seven thousand languages, unfortunately, are in danger of disappearing. A survey points out that every two weeks one language disappears, so experts proposed to establish a language museum which could be applied to collect non-existing languages. This assertion not just shocks us, but also indicates the emergency of this problem. Since a local language of its country is the tool of local people to communicate with their ancestors and each other, if its people do not use their native language, or if they have to learn their native language from museums, then its traditional culture and rich heritage may disappear together with their language. Then, what will happen to the country? The function of governments is to guarantee their people and offspring to have a sustainable development not only with substance but also with culture and spirit. Therefore, these governments should ensure their lesser-known languages stop disappearing.

Furthermore, languages disappearing will be a disaster for all of people, which is just like being extinct animals. Because the valuable information contained within a language is abundant, once it loses, it loses forever. It just likes the dinosaurs never back to earth again. For example, a lot of ancient languages include the helpful information about local medicine, plants and animals, which might be the knowledge that some scientists try to research all their lives. When the language died, the information will be unknown to scientists. So all of people have the duty to protect the lesser-know languages in case they disappear from our world.

However, different countries have their own urgent issues; the intensity of protecting being lost language should be based on different situations, especially for the relatively laggard countries, since there are several reasons for language’s extinction which include economic reason, utility, and the world trends. From these we could see that the strength of the country will influence its language disappearing directly. Because many counties have to put more energy to focus on the most emergent problems, such as famine, homeless or unemployment, and it will be cruel for the governments to solve language problem but ignore these troubles. In my opinion, if the governments do not have the ability to resolve it by them-selves, they could find other solutions, like seeking some organizations for help, developing some charities for disappearing language or setting up scholarship to encourage students to study the lesser-known language.

All in all, as I have mentioned above, the governments of countries with these lesser-known languages should weigh carefully about this problem. With the backdrop of worldwide tide, they could do their best to protect the disappearing language or resort to other solutions to prevent languages from being extinction.

5# greenxs

一学那贤良的王二姐，二学那开磨坊的李三娘

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7楼

发表于 2009-6-10 15:17:34 |只看该作者

你不是在新加坡吗？？
现在都才刚刚开始写吗，水平都高不到哪去是肯定的，但一个多月后一定会有很大进步的，不过你考的确实挺早的，你可以试着跟一下草木组的进度

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8楼

发表于 2009-6-11 00:13:28 |只看该作者

We often hear that: "one world, one dream." It is not surprising that the globalization is really diminishing the differences among cultures. At the same time, there is a crucial problem that many lesser-known languages are being lost(losing比较好吧) because fewer and fewer people speak them. So the author
suggests that governments of these countries should do something to prevent languages from being extinct. From my personal perspective, such a problem needs governments to call for a balanced thought.
To begin with, it is the responsibility of the governments of countries which languages are being lost to protect their mother tongues. It is true that, in order to pursue stability and prosperity, a lot of governments encourage their people to study a second language, and even some of them have to change the second language to their official language. But they may never predict that one day their native language will died forever. Recently, some scholars said(前后时态不同,改一处), except for the convenience and benefits of globalization, over half of the world's seven thousand languages, unfortunately, are in danger of disappearing. A survey points out that every two weeks one language disappears, so experts proposed to establish a language museum which could be applied to collect non-existing languages. This assertion not just shocks us, but also indicates the emergency of this problem. Since a local language of its country is the tool of local people to communicate with their ancestors and each other, if its people do not use their native language, or if they have to learn their native language from museums, then its traditional culture and rich heritage may disappear together with their language. Then, what will happen to the country? The function of governments is to guarantee their people and offspring to have a sustainable development not only with substance but also with culture and spirit.. Therefore, these governments should ensure that their lesser-known languages stop disappearing.
Furthermore, languages disappearing will be a disaster for all (of the) people(只能用all people 或 all of the people), which is just like being extinct animals. Because the valuable information contained within a language is abundant, once it loses, it loses forever. It just likes the dinosaurs never back to earth again. For example, a lot of ancient languages include the helpful information about local medicine, plants and animals, which might be the knowledge that some scientists try to research all their lives. When the language died, the information will be unknown to scientists. So all of people have the duty to protect the lesser-known languages in case they disappear from our world.

However, different countries have their own urgent issues; the intensity of protecting being lost language should be based on different situations, especially for the relatively laggard countries, since there are several reasons for language’s extinction which include economic reason, utility, and the world trends. From these we could see that the strength of the country will influence its language disappearing directly. Because many counties have to put more energy to focus on the most emergent problems, such as famine, homeless or unemployment, and it will be cruel for the governments to solve language problem but ignore these troubles. In my opinion, if the governments do not have the ability to resolve it by themselves, they could find other solutions, like seeking some organizations for help, developing some charities for disappearing language or setting up scholarship to encourage students to study the lesser-known language.
All in all, as I have mentioned above, the governments of countries with these lesser-known languages should weigh carefully about this problem. With the backdrop of worldwide tide, they could do their best to protect the disappearing language or resort to other solutions to prevent languages from being extinct.

字体搞不好
文章写得不错,内容很充实,也没什么错
加油!

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