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本帖最后由 subtory 于 2009-6-5 12:21 编辑
Technology, especially after the World War II,has been developing rapidly. Nowadays it has a deep influence on us.Tryto imagine that how we can contact the people with whom we want tocommunicate anytime and everywhere without mobilephones,how we cansearch for the information as soon as possible if there is no Internetand without the high-definition television technology how we can enjoythe gorgeous movies of Hollywood.Admittedly,Technologyaffects the social customs.At the same time,we could not ignore theinteraction between technology and ethics.(恩,这样提出观点突兀么?)(举例子的一个长句看着比较混乱,最好换个更清晰的表达方式)
Technology has changed some aspects of customs,not only concerning thematerial civilization such as the convenience of transportation,theimprovement of communication tools and the diversity of entertainmentindustry but also something active about specific crucial concepts(这个概念很不明确啊,重心是在something, 也就是指关于某些concepts的一些active的东西,这是啥呀。。).Forinstance,before the 20th century,the notion that women should stay athome,(逗号去掉)doing housework,was taken as an assumption(假设?) that(and) there wassignificant resistance to any tentative attempts to changeit.However,technology has made a great contribution to change thatsupposition after the Industrial Revolution.More and more women havebeen shaping the conception that it's equal between male and femaleand they should go for their rights.As a result,many women now beginsplendent careers in governments,business,companies and the like.Inshort,the customs has been done much positive to technology.(结论似乎跟你上面论证的相反了啊)
However,with(despite?) the favorable influence,technology may do some bad tocustoms.There is a ridiculous fact(不妥,这只不过是个故事罢了,还没上升到"事实") that an Englishman claimed thatwhen he die,he would like to be buried with his mobilephone,which showthe excessive dependence on mobilephones and other technical goods inthe same way.Also the imtemperate(?) using of communication tools insteadof communicating face to face may make us become aloof and indifferentwith each other.Furthermore,the existance of internet may causepassive,superficial thinking of problems because the only goal we chasemight be to solve the problems quickly.Gradually, we may be not willingto find relative information by searching books which can make us thinkmore.The only using of google which we might reflect as the firstresponse when we encounter some trouble may result in the regression ofour brain.(这个观点似乎有点极端)Thus we may try hard to shun the negative impact from theinappropriate using with technology.
The interaction between technology and ethics is also worthy ofdiscussed(discussion).For one thing,technology is controlled by ethics.Forexample,Few people have not realized that the subject of human clong isfull of dispute,which means the human clong is not acceptable in oursoceity because of the tradition that the consanguinity determins theaffinity and series of problems concerning ethics arise by suchtradition.(重句里面又套重句,但修饰tradition的that重句里面又有by such tradition,显然到后来你自己也没把握住这个重句的结构,看的人就觉得更混乱了)The correlative statute,avoiding applying to(restricting application in) the productionof human clong,shows the ethics restraining technology from going intothe crossroad.For another thing,technology promote the ethics toadvance with times.For instance, Many years ago when technology was notdeveloped enough,we didn't know that intermarrying was such dilapidated(照你的逻辑这里应该是说好处吧)to our offsprings.While nowadays we regard intermarrying as againstethics which owe to technology that enrich our ethics.Consequently theethics and the technology are all perfected by mutual actions withineach other
To sum up,technology has influences on our social customs.However,weshould make use of the great benefits and avert the demerits from thetechnology. And technology might have(已经是结论了,应该用更肯定的语气) developments in the rightdirection,under the ongoing control of ethics to help creat a betterlife for us.(这句话各个成份的关系很不明确,可改成Under the control of ethics, technology will develop in the right direction and help creat a better life for us.)
划线而没改的是有明显问题的,基本的语法错误感觉多了点,让人觉得很混乱的长句也多了点,一定要先保证把意思表达清楚. 还有一个你的习惯问题,写英语句子时逗号句号后面都要空一格的,你都挨在一起了...
观点还是挺好的,不过我自己也很吃不准这个题目..
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