[a习作temp] 0910AW 同主题写作第七期 Argument101 By greenxs [复制链接]

greenxs
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-28 21:22:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 greenxs 于 2009-8-24 12:25 编辑

。。

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lucarl
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-29 22:34:55 |只看该作者

The president of a company which makes breakfast cereals concludes that new version Wheat-O cereal with soy protein will increase company profits and improve the health of their customers. He/she supports the evidences that a recent study shows people eating soybeans at least five times per weeks has lower cholesterol levels and consumers who concern about their health will enjoy Wheat-O cereal全部是restate，这是我们想要的吗？功利点说，这是ets要的吗？. However, further examination of the relationship between the conclusion and evidences reveals that this argument is flawed by several critical aspects.这句更是放之四海而皆准

The salient problem of this argument is that the recent study provided by the president is not representative. First, he/she shows two groups of subjects, but overlooks many details of the study, such as the two subjects' age, sex and the most important is if they all already have cholesterol. Second, the president does not rule out the possibility that if the lower cholesterol subjects also eat some medicine which uses to cure the cholesterol.攻击这个study攻击的太广泛，太浅了。推荐看666版主的heaven in flowers系列精华帖。还有草木版主的“君子之辩”

Furthermore, the president is false to establish the causal relationship between fortifying their Wheat-O cereal with soy protein and appealing additional consumers who are concerned about their health. First, people who concern their physical condition may not think lower cholesterol level is stand for good health.缺少展开啊，为什么人们会这么想？胆固醇只是健康指标之一，还有很多其他的健康问题要解决，抓住了关心胆固醇的这些人，可能就放走了更多的客户，这样，profit可能反而降低。这样展开的话，貌似上面的ts就要改一改了，本来作者提到appealing consumers也是为了说提高profits，所以实际上fortify WO和appealing additional consumers没冲突，而真正的冲突在于，这样是否能够提高profits. Even if some people who want to decrease their cholesterol level and it is true that eating soybean could lower cholesterol, the president has not provided any information that the effective value of adding soy protein to their Wheat-O cereal is equal to eating soybeans.后面这些说的是另一个问题了，可以分开单独作为一段，充分展开。

Last but not least, the president does not provide enough evidences to prove the new version of Wheat-O cereal could increase their company's profits. Since, we do not know the cost of adding soy protein to Wheat-O cereal, if the cost is much higher than previous products may lead to people cannot afford the higher price. Therefore, the customers will not increase.

Above all, if the president could prove the survey is representative, adding soy protein in their Wheat-O cereal is truly effective to lower cholesterol levels, and the new version of Wheat-O cereal could really increase their company's profits. Then, we could better evaluate the conclusion.

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