[i习作temp] 0910AW 同主题写作第九期 ISSUE185 by GA-ROW SUNNY [复制链接]

zhy871029
UID：2497340

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 5
寄托币: 947
注册时间: 2008-5-24
精华: 0
帖子: 5

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-7-8 07:58:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 652       TIME: 00:44:19       DATE: 2009-7-8 7:56:26

A scandal could be defined as a widely publicized allegation or set of allegations that damage the reputation of an instituion, individual or creed. Every day scandals are created or reported on news medium and catch the eys of the public. In my opinion, scandals definitely have their benefits for us, however, it should be judge on case by case.

Scandals happend in areas which have great effect on our society's and the individuals' value and interest could arouse our attentin on the isseus we may  neglect or never notice. Large scale eruption of financial scandals often predict the systematic hole in a state's economic system. Enron and Worldcom scandals happened not far from each other which is famous for their faked account ith the help of the accounting firms to cheat investors in order to make the company benefit from the rising stock price have caused the great loss of their investors which in turn ask for state's attention on faked account issues and take actions to prevent such issues happend again in the future. Also, academia scandals could help us build a more healthy research atmosphere. Southern Korea biological scientist Hwang Woo-Suk which is famous for world's first clone dog, is regarded the heros of the nation before 2006 when he is discovered that he has fabricated the experiment result and abused the germ cell of lab employees for stem cell experiment. His case astouded the whole nation and world, many committes and scientific papers have raisen the standard of detecting the fabricated papers since then. So scandals in these area could make us think about the source of these scandals and  come up with ways to prevent it from happen again  in the future.

But not all scandals have such positive effects, for example, those based on false allegation could only distract us from the issues which should really call for our attention. Hearing news which is made something out of nothing or have little impact on society and individual's interest and value could only waste our energy. Like scandals which is related to star's privacy could only help shape the habits of peering other's privacy which is not useful for our society. Also too much critic on the scandals of others could deter us from correct evaluation for his positive contribution to the nation. Former president  Clinton who is famous for his 'zipgate' have distract many positive evaluation of his sussess  in building a strong US economy to the corruption of his personal life which is what we innner desired.

What's more, scandals sometims could be made up to attack on others would hurt each other and make the world less harmony. During presidency campaign, the presidency candidate often attack each other with scandals they made up and thus make supporters for both sides often take the same way to attack on each other and finally it often require a lot of time to make up the scars which is made during the campaign. Also somebody may use scandal as a way to achieve famous which have bad effects in changing the value of society. Paris Hilton, an actress who is not praised for her films or soups instead become famous through her sexual tapes with her boy friend. If many people take this misshapen way to become famous, this is what we want to see. So scandals happend in insignificant area could distract from the issues we should focus and shape bad habits among society which is something should we stay away from.

To sum up, it is a complex issue to say whether scandals is useful or not. After the above disscusion, we could find only those scandals which is collides with the society's and individual's interest and value are the ones we should concentrate. For those insignicant ones, we should stay away from them as far as possible since they would interfere our correct reasoning.

回应
0

使用道具举报

nancy090909
UID：2530697

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 11
寄托币: 281
注册时间: 2008-8-12
精华: 0
帖子: 2

沙发

发表于 2009-7-11 23:56:56 |只看该作者

Position
这篇文章的看法很有见地（我觉得）！提供了很好的思路。
只是从第一段来判断的position~不知道为什么没有出现speaker 和 reformer的身影~我想既然TOPIC里面已经说出来了，至少还是要提下他们吧~关于他们能否draw people's attention这个~

Reasonning
总→有利的scandal→不利的scandal→总
很清晰明了，例子也很多很足，例子也基本上都很契合文章的观点。
总的来说做得很不错，看得出来下了很大功夫XD
如果再在说理上（而不是事例）更具体和深入一点，让最后的结论也就是“与interest and value有关的scandal我们要重视，其他的我们最好无视”更加有力就更好了。

A scandal could be defined as a widely publicized allegation （因为后or掉了，所以前面是scandal的定义的一种了，但这不是有点...不太准确么？） or set of allegations that damage the reputation of an instituion, individual or creed. Every day scandals are created or reported on news medium and catch the eys (eyes) of the public. In my opinion, scandals definitely have their benefits for us, however, it should be judge (judged) on case by case.（这个观点不错）

Scandals happend (happened) in areas which have great effect on our society's and the individuals' value and interest could arouse our attentin on the isseus (issues) we may neglect or never notice. Large scale eruption (corruption?) of financial scandals often predict the systematic hole (holes) in a state's economic system. Enron and Worldcom scandals happened not far from each other which is famous for their faked account ith (with) the help of the accounting firms to cheat investors in order to make the company benefit from the rising stock price have caused the great loss of their investors which in turn ask for state's attention on faked account issues and take actions to prevent such issues happend again in the future. （事实上，这两件事中，很难说accounting firm是知情的~另外就是这句话太长了...难免出现了语法错误~这件事这么长，还是把这句话分成两三句较短的句子说比较好）Also, academia scandals could help us build a more healthy research atmosphere. Southern Korea biological scientist Hwang Woo-Suk which is famous for world's first clone dog, is regarded the heros of the nation before 2006 when he is discovered that he has fabricated the experiment result and abused the germ cell of lab employees for stem cell experiment. His case astouded (astonished?) the whole nation and world, many committes and scientific papers have raisen the standard of detecting the fabricated papers since then. So scandals in these area could make us think about the source of these scandals and come up with ways to prevent it from happen again in the future.

But not all scandals have such positive effects, （也许这里可以断句）for example, those based on false allegation could only distract us from the issues which should really call for our attention. Hearing news which is made (make) something out of nothing or have little impact on society and individual's interest and value could only waste our energy. Like scandals which is related to star's privacy could only help shape the habits of peering other's privacy which is not useful for our society. Also too much critic on the scandals of others could deter us from correct evaluation for his positive contribution to the nation. Former president Clinton who is famous for his 'zipgate' havedistract (distracted) many positive evaluation of his sussess in building a strong US economy to the corruption of his personal life which is what we innner desired. （在美国，克林顿的呼声还是挺高的其实）（这句话主语和后面句子的主语不同了。后面的主语应该是zipgate，而你这句话的主语是Clinton）

What's more, scandals sometims (sometimes) could be made up to attack on others would hurt each other and make the world less harmony. （这句话从句出错了scandals是主语，后面的sometimes could be made up to attack others是从句，但这里看起来像是一个整句。另外，harmony让我囧了一下lol） During presidency campaign, the presidency candidate (candidates) often attack each other with scandals they made up and thus make supporters for both sides often take the same way to attack on each other and finally it often require a lot of time to make up the scars which is made during the campaign. （语法问题，恩~）（另外这个观点要是有具体例子就更好了）Also somebody may use scandal as a way to achieve famous （应该没有achieve famous这种说法吧，become famous~maybe）which have bad effects in changing the value of society. Paris Hilton, an actress who is not praised for her films or soups instead become famous through her sexual tapes with her boy friend. （哎？我觉得是因为她的家族她才出名的~另外句子还是有点问题||Paris Hilton becomes famouse through her sexual tapes with her boyfriend instead of films or soups...但我不知道这样是不是对的，其实，因为我也不太擅长这个囧）If many people take this misshapen way to become famous, this is (not?) what we want to see. So scandals happend in insignificant area could distract from the issues we should focus and shape bad habits among society which is something should we stay away from.

To sum up, it is a complex issue to say whether scandals is useful or not. After the above disscusion, we could find only those scandals which is collides with the society's and individual's interest and value are the ones we should concentrate. For those insignicant ones, we should stay away from them as far as possible since they would interfere our correct reasoning. （这个观点真的不错，再说一次lol）

Language
1）单词拼写。多多注意，尤其是因为是打字，就更加要注意了。
2）sentence structure需要加强。跟我一样，咱俩共勉吧lol

使用道具举报

abi-gail
UID：2624616

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: -5
寄托币: 392
注册时间: 2009-4-2
精华: 0
帖子: 4

板凳

发表于 2009-7-12 08:31:59 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 652       TIME: 00:44:19       DATE: 2009-7-8 7:56:26

A scandal could be defined as a widely publicized allegation or set of allegations that damage the reputation of an instituion（拼写）, individual or creed. Every day scandals are created or reported on news medium and catch the eys（拼写） of the public. In my opinion, scandals definitely have their benefits for us, however, it should be judge on case by case.今天一早看了个文章说issue里面不要出现什么I my 之类的字眼~ 不知道是不是这样~~~我也很疑惑  其他很好~

Scandals happend（拼写） in areas which have great effect on our society's and the individuals' value and interest could arouse our attentin（拼写） on the isseus（拼写） we may  neglect or never notice. Large scale eruption of这里是不是有问题~~~ financial scandals often predict（为什么是predict?不是reveal?） the systematic hole in a state's economic system. Enron and Worldcom scandals happened not far from each other which is famous for their faked account ith(拼写) the help of the accounting firms to cheat investors in order to make the company benefit from the rising stock price have caused the great loss of their investors which in turn ask for state's attention on faked account issues and take actions to prevent such issues happend （拼写）again in the future. （我需要逗号……）Also, academia scandals could help us build a more healthy research atmosphere. Southern Korea biological scientist Hwang Woo-Suk which is famous for world's first clone dog, is regarded the heros（拼写） of the nation before(until) 2006 when he is discovered that he has(to have) fabricated the experiment result and abused the germ cell of lab employees for stem cell experiment. His case astouded（拼写） the whole nation and world, many committes（拼写） and scientific papers have raisen（拼写） the standard of detecting the fabricated papers since then. So scandals in these area could make us think about the source of these scandals and  come up with ways to prevent it from happen again  in the future. 两方面谈scandals 的好处

But not all scandals have such positive effects, for example, those based on false allegation could only distract us from the issues which should really call for our attention. Hearing news which is made something out of nothing or have little impact on society and individual's interest and value could only waste our energy. Like scandals which is related to star's privacy could only help shape the habits of peering other's privacy which is not useful for our society. Also too much critic on the scandals of others(这句话不通呢~ critic是评论家) could deter us from correct evaluation for his positive contribution to the nation. Former president  Clinton who is famous for his 'zipgate' have distract many positive evaluation of his sussess（拼写）  in building a strong US economy to the corruption of his personal life which is what we innner (拼写）desired. 有的scandal无关紧要错误批判带来坏处

What's more, scandals sometims（拼写） could be made up to attack on others would hurt each other and make the world less harmony（harmonious?）. During presidency(presidential) campaign, the presidency(presidential) candidate often attack each other with scandals they made up and thus make supporters for both sides often take the same way to attack on each other and finally it often require a lot of time to make up the scars which is made during the campaign. Also somebody may use scandal as a way to achieve famous(fame?) which have bad effects in changing the value of society. Paris Hilton, an actress who is not praised for her films or soups instead become famous through her sexual tapes with her boy friend. If many people take this misshapen way to become famous, this is what we want to see. So scandals happend（拼写） in insignificant area could distract from the issues we should focus and shape bad habits among society which is something should we stay away from. 制造scandal以达到不良目的~

To sum up, it is a complex issue to say whether scandals is（are） useful or not. After the above disscusion（拼写）, we could find only those scandals which is(不要is) collides with the society's and individual's interest and value are the ones we should concentrate. For those insignicant（拼写） ones, we should stay away from them as far as possible since they would interfere our correct reasoning.

很好很好~~  好像大家都用了黄禹锡和希尔顿的例子呢~~~
我最近很迷茫的说
虽然知道这样写很正统~~ 总忍不住按自己的想法另起炉灶~
有机会多多交流= =

燃烧亿万年的光总有一天传达到要到达的地方

使用道具举报