0910AW SPECTACULAR 之【刨根问底看范文】issue篇第三集科技&生活 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-7-20 15:37:03 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 wk4a 于 2009-7-20 17:10 编辑

Issue test1
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

Technology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history.Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology.For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together.Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes. Only very lately have Erg's descendants come to question the benefits of technology.The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks.As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine. Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automation's operating machinery in grim factories.
（题目又是谈科技的带来的问题。科学技术长久以来一直是汇聚了人们众多期望的一个词语，但是世人也逐渐看到了科技所带了的负面影响。这就是这个题目的负责性之一。很大的题目，开头也容易大而空，充其量写好了也会像那篇谈论specialists和generalists的文章开头一样需要后文细致分析的支撑。本篇文章的厉害之处，就是以轻松的文笔，以小见大。把Erg拿出来，很有代表性，而且很好写细。大家常常为开头犯愁，不如拿出具体又有代表性的例子，这样很好写又能支持题目的复杂性所在，是一种讨巧的写法。）

The benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous.They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines.Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home.He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms. Hungry? Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service. Bored?Download a new game. And yet...
（第二段更加淋漓尽致地往细里走。比且语言已经看起来和托福的口语化写作有点类似了（怀念下那时候的写作顺畅感觉，完全是手跟着脑袋在动，意识流般的写下去，而且知道一定不会错。本来就是问你同意否，为什么）。但是这种看似轻松的笔调，是比长难句里的倒装，省略还要考验文笔的， Bored? Download a new game. And yet...，精炼。所以在采用这种自由的笔调时，注意不能真的和说话一样啰啰嗦嗦。初中的时候，看《萌芽》那种变态的杂志，里面都是种种晦涩的比喻来抒发忧伤和寂寞，我一度崇拜那些写这种仙文的初高中生，想不同为什么他们能容忍自己还在破学校里读书。现在觉得那些写法和GRE长难句一样，写多了就会了，但是要写得轻松淡雅又不装B，却不那么容易。）

Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision.Erg may be doing work, but is it real work?Are his online friends real friends? Does anything count in a spiritual way if it's just digital? Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless. The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data. We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends. We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them. In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.
（这里开始讲述科技带来的loneliness了。两列排比轻松指出问题。把一个抽象问题说细了，自然会想到很多具体的例子，但是没有组织的堆砌会带来很多问题，不如用排比，一气呵成般地顺流而下，由几个小点代表的抽象概念跃然纸上。西方思维，喜欢以点到面，虽然和我们所崇拜的“道可道，非常道”这种深邃和晦涩的高度不同，但是形象生动的比喻很好帮助理解和说明一个事物。尤其是对于GRE写作来说，都是大的论题，设定的框架去讨论也还是容易例题，看似举例的细化，不失为一种很好的分析。）

As I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technology's original result. A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art. Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other. We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.
（前面几段，作者一直在追求一种自由写作式的风格，看到一个大的问题，把在脑海里形成的具体图像搬上来，使得文章轻松浅显。但是在下面的分析，必须用理性的思维去分析，语言如何保持一致性？这里，作者用了大量的“第一人称”，都是“我试图，我认为，我们……”。和那些板着脸的用形式主语开头，或者主谓宾都是抽象词汇的句子比起来，很有亲和力。ETS不愧是高手，给出的范文几乎每个地方都做到了得体。我们写作的时候也要文笔一致，不要背些难词，复杂句式的模板，加上自己口语化的例子和分析，rater一眼就能看出来的。自己在给别人改文章的时候看到也很反感。）

While I am certainly not a Luddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life. We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world. Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information. Now we need to apply that information, use the time we're not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.
（最后一段是平庸的look for balance.其实全文的逻辑都很平庸，一根线顺着思维走下来的，说到科技，想到种种好处，再反思到一些坏处，加上自己的想法，最后呼唤和谐……即使逻辑简单，但是大体是准确的，加上良好的文采取悦了rater，自然是高分。很多同学在练习写作的时候都是把语言往复杂里走，但是自己也不知道是否地道，是否更加恶心了。其实还不如返璞归真……当然这样说起来很轻松……）

全文的分析，只强调了作者文笔的和谐和轻松，希望给大家一点启发。之于逻辑和具体句子，还要自己体会，不然看的再多也是跑龙套而已。