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【【【【【以理服人】】】】】小组作文第二贴 [复制链接]

wk4a
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发表于 2009-7-19 00:21:23 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 wk4a 于 2009-7-19 09:42 编辑

ISSUE51："Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

摘录了一段分析，仅供参考！

关键词：教育，有效，个人需求，专门设计
核心是：什么是有效的教育
1定义文中“教育”的概念－根据题目意图，这里特指教育机构中的教育而不是广义教育
2什么是教育－对基本世界观的树立和描述＋基础技能的训练＋个人职业方向的引导和鼓励
3可得－在没有对世界有全局把握时，学生是不会知道自己都有什么选择，就更不会知道个人需求什么
4可得2－在有了全局把握以后，如果教育者单方面的灌输统一的价值判断，而不是引导学生建立自己的判断体系，培养出来的都是大同小异的人，也是同样不可取
5可得3－只有当学生自我发现了自己的兴趣，学校给与了基本技能的培养，让他们自己走向职业岗位，为社会创造价值，并且自己又做得满开心，才是最”有效“的利用了资源。而这，才是“有效的教育”的最终目标。

A51：Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment.”
[翻译]
医生长期以来怀疑严重肌肉扭伤后的二次感染妨碍了一些患者迅速康复。这一假说现在被一项对两组患者的研究的初步结果所证实。第一组患者全部由专攻运动医学的Dr. Newland治疗肌肉损伤，他们在疗程中经常服用抗生素。他们的康复期平均比通常预期的快40％。第二组患者由综合医师Dr. Alton治疗，他们被给予糖丸，而患者相信他们在服用抗生素。他们的平均康复时间没有明显缩短。因此，任何被确诊为肌肉损伤的患者应被建议服用抗生素作为辅助治疗

还是那句话，注意审题，改作文是多改思路，不要只看别人的语法错误，那样进步极小。

不允许连续2次不交作业，
不允许连续3次只写Issue或只写Argument，
不允许连续2次都不批改别人的文章
交作业时间：每日24:00前，(其实也就是第二天的6:00前，不支持大家熬夜写)

交作业方式：
每次有新作业，我会新开帖子，大家跟帖贴作业就行。
请不要把每次的作业都贴在同一楼里 严禁占楼不交作业行为！


改作业时间：
第二日21:00前 改在该同学作业贴楼下，也可用word文档上传 (我还不知道怎么上传呢....)
[e.g 7月8日别人写的作业你要在7月9日21:00前改完]

【互改要求】
1.批改以直接粘贴方式在作业大帖上回复
2.批改别人作业时需兼顾语法问题，注意词汇句式多样性，重点梳理逻辑谋篇，建议将自己的想法和要点进行分享。
3.批改时纠错用红色标注，值得学习的地方用蓝色标注。
4.批改后从语法、词汇、逻辑三个方面分别打分。
具体评分标准见https://bbs.gter.net/thread-939927-1-1.html页末的下载。


PS.请小组成员自己纠正拼写和基本语法错误之后再上传。

在帖子下面回帖，无需新开帖。
请小组成员按时交作文，以及批改每个组员的文章。这样每篇文章会被改数遍，收获多多。
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wk4a
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沙发
发表于 2009-7-19 15:38:33 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 wk4a 于 2009-7-19 20:33 编辑

In this argument, the arguer concludes that patients who suffer severe muscle strain could recover more quickly, if they are kept from secondary infections. To support the conclusion, he notes a comparison of results from two groups of patients who were with muscle strain and were treated respectively. However, the argument suffers from several serious fallacies.

The major problem of this comparison is that more than one variable is brought in, thus the conviction of the result is greatly weakened. Patients from the two groups should have been treated by the same doctor who has a professional understanding on muscle strain and be given exactly the same treatment, except for antibiotics attribution. But the first group is taken care of by a doctor who is specialized in sports medicine while the second one is by a general physician. As a result, it remains unclear whether it is the antibiotics that help patients stay away from secondary infection which may increase recovery time or it is the difference between treatments given by these two doctors causes the recuperation time variation.

Another serious weakness of this argument is that the arguer did not offer any fitness information of patients from the two groups. It is of extreme possibility that the two groups' patients are various in health condition. If most patients in the first group are in a much vigorous shape, then the time of 40 percent quicker may be contributed by their self-recovery. Also, the arguer did not show me any data of seriousness of muscle strain of both group patients. Undoubtedly, the severer the injury of patients is, the more time the recuperation would take, which could be the real explanation of the second group's longer time than that of the first one.

Even if secondary infection is the fundamental reason of delaying the recovery of muscle strain patients, it is not substantiated to conclude that all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment. For patients who are only with lightly muscle strain, it is predictable that their strained muscle could convalesce in a relatively short time, which left no necessity for preventing secondary infection, for even it is infected, the delayed recuperation time could be omitted.  Especially, it is too rash to abuse antibiotics without pointing out whether any Sid effect it might cause.

In sum, the arguer needs to enhance the argument by giving more information about detailed treatment from the two doctors. Specific information of both groups' patients is also required in order to judge the real influence of secondary infection. And, it is never wise to abuse anything, particularly medicine.
【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳
发表于 2009-7-19 20:11:04 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 jessiejie 于 2009-7-19 20:14 编辑

In this argument, the arguer concludes that patients who suffer severe muscle strain could recover more quickly, if they are kept from secondary infections. To support the conclusion, he notes a comparison of results from two groups of patients who were with 感觉这里怪怪的，suffered from 会不会好一点 muscle strain and were treated respectively. However, the argument suffers from several serious fallacies. 可以考虑换个句式

The major problem of this comparison is that more than one variable is brought in,心理学？ thus the conviction of the result is greatly weakened. Patients from the two groups should have been treated by the same doctor who has a professional understanding on muscle strain and give exactly the same treatment to them, except for antibiotics attribution. But the first group is taken care of by a doctor who is specialized in sports medicine while the second is by a general physician. As a result, it remains unclear whether it is because of the antibiotics or the difference between treatments given by these two doctors.

Another serious weakness of this argument is that the arguer did not offer any fit information about the patients from the two groups. It is of extreme possibility that the two group's patients are various in health conditions. If most patients in the first group are younger and healthier, then the  faster recovery may be contributed by their self-recovery. Also, the arguer did not show us any data of seriousness of muscle strain of both group patients. Undoubtedly, the severer the injury of patients is, the more time the recuperation would take, which could be the real explanation of the second group's longer time than that of the first one.

Even if secondary infection is the fundamental reason of delaying the recovery of muscle strain patients, it is not substantiated to conclude that all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment. For patients who are only with lightly muscle strain, it is predictable that their strained muscle could convalesce in a relatively short time, which left no necessity for preventing secondary infection, for even it is infected, the delayed recuperation time could be omitted.  Especially, it is too rash to abuse antibiotics without pointing out whether any Sid effect it might cause.

In sum, the arguer needs to enhance the argument by giving more information about detailed treatment from the two doctors. Specific information of both groups' patients is also required in order to judge the real influence of secondary infection. And, it is never wise to abuse anything, particularly medicine.

直接从word粘贴过来的，发现有点不对，有些删除的地方显示不出来了，你看看吧，不行我发word给你。

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地板
发表于 2009-7-19 22:30:33 |只看该作者
自己之前第一次写的，很不好，字数也很少，因为今天有事情没空写昨天的作业，先把这个抵上，知道这样很不对。不好意思。下次会改正！

In this medical newsletter, the author suggests that all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment on the base of a study. Meanwhile, the author believe the results of this study can rationally prove the suspect of doctors, which is that the secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. At first glance, it seems reasonable and sound for the conclusion. However, if given a second consideration, the suggestion seems not as reliable as it looks.

First of all, the study isn't tenable enough to show the necessary of taking antibiotics for all patients suffering from muscle strain. Besides the antibiotics, we don't know whether there are any other elements which may influence the recuperation time. For example, the first group of patients may have detailed plans for them to exercise their muscle properly and regularly, while the patients of the second group just relax in bed and do nothing at all. From this newsletter, we know nothing about other conditions of the two groups so that the emphasis on the effect of antibiotics isn't convincing.

Secondly, the severity of patients isn't considered. What if the patients of second group have much more severe muscle strain on average than those in the first one? Therefore it may take them much longer to recover no matter whether they have taking antibiotics or not. The scale of this study is also suspicious. How many patients in each group and what's the percentage of them in all this kind of patients? Are they the typical ones among the muscle strain patients?

What's more important, the author fails to show us the real relationship between the chance of secondary infections and the taking of antibiotics. It's likely that the longer recuperation time of the second group isn't caused by secondary infections. The correlation between them may not be a causal relationship. From the state of this newsletter, we see no evidence to prove the hypothesis of the doctors.

In sum, the author comes to the conclusion that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment too hastily. In order to substantiate it, the author should offer more information about this study and rule out all the other potential effective factors besides antibiotics.

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发表于 2009-7-19 22:32:05 |只看该作者
According to the title of the statement, education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student in order to make education truly effective. Admittedly, students-centered education in stead of traditional teacher-centered education is the most effective way to help student learn. However, not all the students know their real needs and interests all the time and over-specified education will narrow down student’s ken and capability of acclimation to future career.
First, the traditional teacher-centered education ignores the individual needs and interests of each student, which proves counterproductive. Sociologists have pointed out that with the teacher being in a position of authority and the students have little choice but to passively absorb the information provided by the teacher. In other words, in conventional classrooms there is little opportunity for the students to become actively involved in the learning process. How can you imagine that our students would learn by heart a number of disciplines every day which they can’t find any interest in; how can you imagine that test-takers would remember everything they have recited after the examination is over; and how can you imagine the teachers’ feeling when they see their students just doodle the class away?
Second, it is certain that education will very effective when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, in other words, student-centered education is most effective. Needs and interests are part and parcel of the studying progress. They two are always referred to as the best instructors. The more useful and interesting a students finds a course, the more time and efforts he is willing to devote; the more time and efforts he devotes, the more progress he is likely to made, the more progress he makes in a course, the more interested he is in the course. As Socrates said genuine education is not inserting the stuffing of information into a student, but rather eliciting knowledge from him; it is the drawing out of what is in his mind.
Finally, since the majority of the students especially young children themselves don’t know what they really need and interests, over-specified education will narrow down student’s ken and capability of acclimation to future career. For instance,  Pasteur, who was a chemist at the very start, then had extreme interest in microorganism and made more contribution in biology rather than in chemistry. In short, people’s interests and needs are not invariable. If students are specializing too much and too early, they may pay little attention to the “life skills”----logical thinking, analysis, creative problem-solving, which is more important to train students to handle problems they may infer.
From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, although student-centered education enjoys many advantages, its disadvantage shouldn’t be ignored. In my opinion, in order to make our education truly effective, we should follow an optimal method. We should first help the students find their real needs and interests and then offer some specifically designed programs to cater for individual needs and enhance their interests.

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发表于 2009-7-19 23:46:55 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 emily_feifei 于 2009-7-20 13:17 编辑

谁能先帮我改改我的第一篇argument么？之前没写过，我也不好乱改别人的，现在也不好匆忙就写。谢谢啦！

ISSUE51："Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
1.因材施教老师会不足，从而导致不effective。
2.基础知识，人生观价值观不需专门分工。
3.真正产生兴趣后才需要专业化。
Words：560
Such statement reminds me of a brilliant Chinese ancient philosopher and educator, Confucius, who advocated specialized education for disparate students. Respectable as he is, this assertion should never be completely accepted by descendants.

Let us first consider the word "effective" which means producing a desired effect. Then if only the specialized education were considered as "effective", an inevitable problem emerges, which means that we need much more teachers to cater for each individual's needs and interests.Unfortunatly, we notice that along with the development of the society, the population of the world has been soaring. As a result, the increase rate of the number of teachers could not catch up with that of students. Imagine that what if some minority groups of students are fortunate enough to receive such "effective" education, what can we do to meet the demands of rest of the majority of students. If such scenario came true, how can we proclaim loudly that our education is effective? Clearly, we can see that an overall effective education is conditional.

In view of this, we may be puzzled that how can we define an effective education if we don't meet the specific needs of students? I should point out that obtaining the basic knowledge and value system in a certain society does not need specifically designed education. What is meant by this is that the young being naive, they barely know what they want in their very childhood. They receive whatever we adults give. In this sense, they should be only taught to distinguish right from evil and grasp the fundamental knowledge. Anything else should reach them only when they gain the ability to tell if which is for their own taste. Otherwise, it will be a waste of teaching resource. We observe that even after students step into the university, it is very likely that in their first two years, they are only permitted to take public fundamental classes. Moreover, most interns in hospitals should never choose their specialty in the first few years. It is only when students gain the basic knowledge that they can form a perspective of overall situation. Otherwise, their view will be narrowed, which will have side effects on their growing up.

Whereas when it comes to true interests which are based on mastering elementary knowledge, specialized education is by no means dispensable. Most individuals have different interests; even those who share similar interests have dissimilar ability to gain knowledge. Tutors have the responsibility to identify a proper way to goad disparate students. Take learning to compile computer programs for example, those who are much more patient are more suitable do some testing work; while those who have strong logical ability would be better to complete analyzing work. Therefore we realize that even exploring in a same field, different people can focus on different aspects out of their own characteristics, which will make the whole task to be completed much more effectively. Tutors should have an insight on these and guide their students to different directions which are fit for themselves.

To conclude, there exists no specifically designed education as a whole; effective education is conditional. Students should gain basic knowledge in the first place, and then only after they have true interests in some specialties, a specialized education can produce a decided effect which we can finally reckon it as effective.

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发表于 2009-7-20 11:17:53 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 emily_feifei 于 2009-7-20 11:51 编辑

哎~没人改我的第一篇A，作业还是要教啊~
觉得自己的语言实在需要提升~哎~大家多多指教！
Words:470
In this medical news letter, the author suggests that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain take antibiotics for the reason that secondary infection would keep them from quick healing after severe muscle strain. In order to support his conclusion, the author refers to a medical experiment in which patients who were given antibiotics recovered much quickly than the control group. But further consideration reveals that it is unpersuasive as it stands.

Firstly I notice that the experiment that the author referred to is only a preliminary one. But from my observation, most of the time, preliminary results will go far away from the final ones. Therefore, the author could not rely on such preliminary experiment.

In addition, I suspect whether the patients would really get secondary infections. If not, the whole experiment has short legs. If it did happen, the author fails to provide evidence about the extent of the patients' injuries. It is very likely that the most of the first group of patients were much more slightly injured than those from the control group. If so, it is too assertive to raise the statement that the antibiotics treatment was much effective.

Moreover, even thought the patients' injuries in two groups were similar, the method that was used in the experiment is obviously unfair. What is meant by this is that in the first group, Dr. Newland specializes in sports medicine; while in the control one, Dr. Alton is just a general physician. We have reason to believe that Dr. Newland has much more experience dealing with sports injuries than Dr. Alton. It is very possible that Dr. Newland can give patients better treatment. For instance, Dr. Newland would know a proper frequency to give different patients with fomentation according to their own constitution. Without ruling out the possibility that the patients from the first group will receive better therapy, the author cannot convince me that secondary infection would keep patients from quick recovery.

To make one final point, even if antibiotics do have something to do with the recuperation from muscle strain, the author's suggestion that any who is diagnosed with muscle strain take antibiotics is too narrow. It has been proved by much clinical experience that many people are allergic to antibiotics. Casually using antibiotics in such patients would undoubtedly trigger severe consequences: worst is a threat one's life.

To conclude, the author referred to an unconvincing medical experiment in the first place. Even the experiment's results represents final ones, the author still need to provide evidence that those patients were similar and they die get secondary infections. To better persuade readers, he also needs to prove that the doctors in this experiment are equally qualified to deal with muscle strain. Finally, even the hypothesis is true; antibiotics treatment is not suitable for all patients.

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发表于 2009-7-20 11:33:28 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 emily_feifei 于 2009-7-20 11:34 编辑

4# ajier
In this medical newsletter, the author suggests that all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment on the base of a study. Meanwhile, the author believe the results of this study can rationally prove the suspect of doctors, which is that the secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. (这个写的不错，把作者的建议和假设都顺顺当当连接在一起！) At first glance, it seems reasonable and sound for the conclusion. However, if given a second consideration, the suggestion seems not as reliable as it looks.

First of all, the study isn't tenable enough to show the necessary（necessity）of taking antibiotics for all patients suffering from muscle strain. Besides the antibiotics, we don't know whether there are any other elements which may influence the recuperation time. For example, the first group of patients may have detailed plans for them to exercise their muscle properly and regularly, while the patients of the second group just relax in bed and do nothing at all. From this newsletter, we know nothing about other conditions of the two groups so that the emphasis on the effect of antibiotics isn't convincing.（好，这段说的是实验方法可能不一样）

Secondly, the severity of patients isn't considered. What if the patients of second group have much more severe muscle strain on average than those in the first one? （说实验样本）Therefore it may take them much longer to recover no matter whether they have taking antibiotics or not. The scale of this study is also suspicious. How many patients in each group and what's the percentage of them in all this kind of patients? Are they the typical ones among the muscle strain patients?

What's more important, the author fails to show us the real relationship between the chance of secondary infections and the taking of antibiotics.（这其实是实验前提：会不会感染） It's likely that the longer recuperation time of the second group isn't caused by secondary infections. The correlation between them may not be a causal relationship. From the state of this newsletter, we see no evidence to prove the hypothesis of the doctors.

In sum, the author comes to the conclusion that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment too hastily. In order to substantiate it, the author should offer more information about this study and rule out all the other potential effective factors besides antibiotics.（结论会不会总结太草率了，难怪你字数不够）

语言上没有什么问题，你功底不错的。在写作上我觉的有点建议，不能发现一个错误就匆匆写上去，要有所取舍，并且要排列好写的顺序。比如说会不会发生二次感染，这就是一个实验的前提，没有二次感染实验就没有任何意义，因此这应该放到最前面写；在做实验前也应先选择实验样本在选择一个合适的实验方法，所以你那两段我认为也该掉个顺序。

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发表于 2009-7-20 11:45:29 |只看该作者
2# wk4a
In this argument, the arguer concludes that patients who suffer severe muscle strain could recover more quickly, if they are kept from secondary infections. To support the conclusion, he notes a comparison of results from two groups of patients who were with muscle strain and were treated respectively. However, the argument
suffers from several serious fallacies.（开头好！很精炼）
The major problem of this comparison is that more than one variable is brought in, thus
the conviction of the result is greatly weakened. Patients from the two groups should have been treated by the same doctor who has a professional understanding on muscle strain and be given exactly the same treatment, except for antibiotics attribution（我在写的时候想了很久不知道该怎么写，向你学习！）. But the first group is taken care of by a doctor who is specialized in sports medicine while the second one is by a general physician. As a result, it remains unclear whether it is the antibiotics that help patients stay away from secondary infection which may increase recovery time or it is the difference between treatments given by these two doctors causes the recuperation time variation.（说实验方法问题）
Another serious weakness of this argument is that the arguer did not offer any fitness information of patients from the two groups. It is of extreme possibility that the two groups' patients are various in health condition. If most patients in the first group are in a much vigorous shape, then the time of 40 percent quicker may be contributed by their self-recovery. Also, the arguer did not show me any data of seriousness of muscle strain of both group patients. Undoubtedly, the severer the injury of patients is, the more time the recuperation would take, which could be the real explanation of the second group's longer time than that of the first one.（说实验样本）
Even if secondary infection is the fundamental reason of delaying the recovery of muscle strain patients, it is not substantiated to conclude that all patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment. For patients who are only with lightly muscle strain, it is predictable that their strained muscle could convalesce in a relatively short time, which left no necessity for preventing secondary infection, for even it is infected, the delayed recuperation time could be omitted.  Especially, it is too rash to abuse antibiotics without pointing out whether any Sid（side） effect it might cause. （说结果的副作用）
In sum, the arguer needs to enhance the argument by giving more information about detailed treatment from the two doctors. Specific information of both groups' patients is also required in order to judge the real influence of secondary infection. And, it is never wise to abuse anything, particularly medicine.

总体上看你的argument没有什么问题，语言也很不错。不过建议把主体段的1，2段掉个顺序，先说实验样本，再说方法，这样显得你的论证逻辑更清楚些。

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emily_feifei
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发表于 2009-7-20 11:48:17 |只看该作者
5# 53743028
希望你把自己的文章中的基本拼写和语法错误修改后再贴上来，这样既是对自己也是对别人的尊重。

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mellon_l
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发表于 2009-7-20 13:42:44 |只看该作者
我的issue 51，希望大家多提点意见，谢谢！
ISSUE51："Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

Effective education aims at firstly shaping students as fully developed human and also preparing the next generation to function well as a part of society. In order to achieve the two goals, I believe that common fundamental courses are indispensible; meanwhile education should be designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student to some extent.

Common fundamental courses are necessary for two main reasons. First, basic knowledge benefits people’s life. Generally speaking, students are asked to take mathematic, language and etc as the obligatory courses in junior or senior high school. This long term traditional arrangement indicate the significance those basic knowledge or skills in students’ future life. Mathematics enables students to finish a comparably complex calculation in daily life such as balancing family income and outcome. Teaching of history makes them know the past of their own country and foreign countries. This knowing will help students form an overall and long-term point of view in situation analyzing. Another importance of those common courses is that they are the basis for students to discover and develop an interest in a certain subject. Only when students have a general concept, they could have the sparks of interests. For instance, a student who never learns the system of English language will not reach the concept of pragmatics, not even mention having any interests in it. A seed will grow up to a plant and bloom only when the soil is rich enough, and the common fundamental course are the rich soil which needs students first to explore.

Since basic knowledge and skills are well equipped, students should follow their needs and interests in school to have a deeper understanding of a certain field. From the aspect of learning, this pursuing is strongly motivated. It’s said that “interests is the best tutor”. What’s more, a research done in my university shows that students who take course they choose themselves spend more time in task finish and reading relevant books; the attendance is also comparably higher than in other classes. That is to say, interests or needs make those students choose the course, then they are stronger motivated to learn. And I believe that once they have progress in the subject, they will be more interested and more eager to learn it. Here it forms a positive circle and will lead to deep understand about one field and finally contribute better to the society.

From the aspect of social needs, specified education is also necessary. Nowadays, labor division is more and more specific and accurate. This calls for specialists in each field or at least specified ability in certain subject. On the basis of overall education and training, students, the future social constructor, should receive specified education in order to function in different jobs in future. Someone may argue that students’ interests may not fit into social needs. I hold that since labor division is human made rather than natural formed or existing, there should be the first person who have interests in certain subject. Since there is the first one, why we deny existence of the latter second, third or thousand students with interests? Human needs and interests are multivariate. I believe that special designed education will meet the needs of social labor division.

I have claimed my opinion that education should be both general and also special designed. However, there are still some potential obstacles in carrying out special designed education. How to allocate teaching resources such as teacher, classroom for each subject? How to evaluate and compare students’ performance since their needs or interests may not different? All the questions need further research and practice.

To sum up, basic knowledge and skill teaching combines with special designed course according to students’ needs and interests will contribute the effective education. Though the practical application is not yet mature, I believe that we are on the bright road towards effective education right now.

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jessiejie
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发表于 2009-7-20 15:39:20 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 jessiejie 于 2009-7-20 15:49 编辑

哎~没人改我的第一篇A，作业还是要教啊~
觉得自己的语言实在需要提升~哎~大家多多指教！
Words:470

我先帮你该A吧！

    In this medical news letter, the author suggests that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain take antibiotics for the reason that secondary infection would keep them from quick healing after severe muscle strain. In order to support his conclusion, the author refers to a medical experiment in which patients who were given antibiotics recovered much quickly than the control group. （控制组应该是完全没有治疗的吧？！好歹第二组持有安慰剂作用的）But further consideration reveals that it is unpersuasive as it stands.

Firstly I notice that the experiment that the author referred to is only a preliminary one. But from my observation, most of the time, preliminary results will go far away from the final ones. Therefore, the author could not rely on such preliminary experiment. （这个不是逻辑错误吧？就算是也不能这样写，这算什么理由啊？）

In addition, I suspect whether the patients would really get secondary infections. If not, the whole experiment has short legs. If it did happen, the author fails to provide evidence about the extent of the patients' injuries. It is very likely that the most of the first group of patients were much more slightly injured than those from the control group. If so, it is too assertive to raise the statement that the antibiotics treatment was much effective.

Moreover, even thought the patients' injuries in two groups were similar, the method that was used in the experiment is obviously unfair. What is meant by this is that in the first group, Dr. Newland specializes in sports medicine; while in the control one, Dr. Alton is just a general physician. We have reason to believe that Dr. Newland has much more experience dealing with sports(改成muscle是不是更好？) injuries than Dr. Alton. It is very possible that Dr. Newland can give patients better treatment. For instance, Dr. Newland would know a proper frequency to give different patients with fomentation according to their own constitution. Without ruling out the possibility that the patients from the first group will receive better therapy, the author cannot convince me that secondary infection would keep patients from quick recovery.

To make one final point, even if antibiotics do have something to do with the recuperation from muscle strain, the author's suggestion that any who is diagnosed with muscle strain take antibiotics is too narrow. It has been proved by much clinical experience that many people are allergic to antibiotics. Casually using antibiotics in such patients would undoubtedly trigger severe consequences: worst is a threat （to）one's life.

To conclude, the author referred to an unconvincing medical experiment in the first place. Even the experiment's results represents final ones, the author still need to provide evidence that those patients were similar and they die get secondary infections. To better persuade readers, he also needs to prove that the doctors in this experiment are equally qualified to deal with muscle strain. Finally, even the hypothesis is true; antibiotics treatment is not suitable for all patients.

除了第一点，都挺好的，语言再精炼一点。

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13楼
发表于 2009-7-20 15:45:19 |只看该作者
Issue 51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

How to educate students more effective? Nowadays, more and more people emphasize individualism, so the speaker assert in order to educate students effectively education should be designed to meet every student’s needs and interests. As far as I am concerned, it is a good idea, but too difficult to carry out in reality.

Admittedly, as what Einstein once said, interest is the best teacher. Without doubts, pursuing knowledge and enhancing competence is a hard process. During our daily lives, we can find if we don’t like something, we won’t want to learn it. However, if we are interested in something, nothing can prevent us, and we will devote ourselves to it regardless of its hardship and anguish. Consequently, we will view it as happiness. In reality, different students have differed intellect levels and personalities; therefore students have various interests and needs. Obviously, how can we adopt the same teaching contents and methods for all the students? Nowadays, more and more people suggest that our education should be altered according to students’ traits and talents.

However, there are different purposes during the process of education, it isn't possible that whole education can fulfil students' interests and demands.  First, the purpose of primary schools and high schools is providing general knowledge and correct values and ideas. The former includes verbal, math, chemistry, physics, music, art and so on, and latter includes moral, regulation, ideal and life, etc. Modern people must possess all these in order to survive. So it is suitable to design uniform courses. Of course, students’ various interests and personalities can be properly considered. For example, schools can open some extracurricular classes to meet students’ needs and interests. Second, the purpose of colleges and universities is, according to students’ individual interests, offering numerous courses to them or conduct them separately. They have adequate freedom to choose what they really like, thereby they could be easily motivated and their potential talents could likely be explored. Ultimately, students can find their interests and prepare their career well. In addition, some special educations, such as occupational education and skill training, should be designed to individuals due to their special learning contents. Therefore, specifically designed education is not suitable at every education levels.

Moreover, the realization of specifically designed courses is troubled by a lot of problems in reality, although they can meet individual interests and needs. The problems include the lack of teaching resources, limitation of teacher’s qualification, the scientific design of courses and concrete teaching methods, and the most significant problem is money. Even in developed countries and areas, it is difficult to achieve it not mention to developing countries and areas, where traditional teaching methods and contents are still effective.

In conclusion, though interest is very important, which represents the development direction of modern education, it is too hard to achieve the goal. Education should focus on general knowledge and basic skills training, so students could develop personal interests on this foundation. Thus, every student could make a contribution to the society after graduation, where the real purpose of effective education lies in.


Argument 51

In this argument, the arguer claims that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics as part of their treatment, because secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly. To support the conclusion, the arguer cites preliminary results of a study and makes a comparison of two groups of patients. At the first sight, the argument appears reasonable, but under careful examination, there are many critical fallacies.
First and foremost, one problem with the argument is the arguer primarily relies on a study of two groups of patients, and then concludes that antibiotics work efficiently in treating muscle strain. However, the arguer fails to consider possible differences between these two group members, such as patients’ age, gender, health and the degree of injuries. It is possible that patients in first group are younger and healthier than those in second group, or perhaps patients in the first group are mild injured while patients in second group suffer from serious muscle strains. Without ruling out these factors, the argument is unconvincing. Thus, it is unwarranted to claim that their recovery is due to antibiotics. Besides, the experience and capacity of two doctors will influence recuperation time. Generally speaking, doctor who specializes in sports medicine knows how to solve muscle strain better than a general physician. Consequently his patients recover faster probably owing to his specialized capacity and effective treatment, but not because of taking antibiotics.
In addition, the arguer considers that patients in the second group do not realize that their medication is replaced by sugar pills, yet provides no evidence to verify it. Movreover, the arguer doesn’t demonstrate whether the pills have negative impact on the patients’ recovery. Therefore, any of above analysis, if true, would undermine the argument.
Furthermore, even though antibiotics is effctive to treating muscle strain, it is hasty to reach a general assertion that all patients diagnosed with muscle strain should take it as part of their treatment. On one hand, it is not necessary for all patients, because maybe some of them do not suffer from secondary infection. On the other hand, the arguer doesn’t consider the problems that antibiotics bring, for example, side effects and allergy.
Finally, the arguer assumes that the result of the study could substantiate the hypothesis, which implies that the secondary infections may prevent patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. However, the result of the study proves nothing about this hypothesis, because it does not show that these patients are suffered from secondary infections.
In a word, the conclusion, in this argument, isn’t warranted and persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should have to present more information about the rate of secondary infections in all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain. Additionally, the arguer should conduct a convincing and valid survey in which doctors and patients should possess similar background.

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发表于 2009-7-20 16:46:39 |只看该作者
我的ARGUE 第一篇  
A51：Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment.”

1 对比有问题 医生不同，除antibiotics 和sugar之外的治疗手法也许不同，病人状况不明，所以不能说明是antibiotics和sugar这一个变量影响的实验结果。
2 even if 以上成立，即antibiotics 有影响，不一定是对secondary infection 的影响，没有提到。
3 即使1，2都成立，不能论断所有肌肉损伤患者都应该用antibiotics，因为也许伤势不重，没必要。

In the argument, the arguer concludes that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment because secondary infection will keep patients from healing quickly from severe muscle strain. To justify his claim, the arguer mentions a comparison between two groups of patients and asserts that taking antibiotics will shorten the recuperation time. However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

The major problem is that the study of two groups of patients is unconvincing. In the comparison, there are at least 3 variables. First, whether the healthy condition and injury degree of the two groups of patients is the same or not is unclear. However, those conditions have a great impact on the recuperate time in treatment. Second, treating doctor is also quite different in the two groups. We have reasons to believe that Dr. Newland, who specializes in sports medicine, is more professional than Dr.Alton who is a general physician in curing muscle strain. Even if they are at the same professional level, they might have used other different medicine despite of antibiotics. The last variable is the use of antibiotics and sugar pills. There is no data indicating that sugar pill is unrelated to muscle strain treatment. It is possible that sugar pill has negative impact on treatment. It known that in a comparison analysis, there should be only one variable, while the other elements should be constants. Since there are three variables in an experiment, the comparison is unreasonable.

Another flaw in the argument lies in that the arguer fails to prove the relationship between antibiotics and secondary infection. Assuming that we modify the experiment and then correctly draw the conclusion that antibiotics shorten the recuperate time of muscle strain. It is not point out or could not be inferred that secondary infection does happen during the treatment. That is to say, antibiotics may have an effect on some other place rather than secondary infection. The correlation between antibiotics and secondary infection is vague.

Besides, it is too hasty to advise all patients suffering from muscle strain to take antibiotics even though the arguer manage to prove that antibiotics helps to prevent secondary infection. Here the arguer fails to take the following point into account. The first is, whether patients with different degrees of muscle strain should all take antibiotics. Some patients may just hurt a little and the possibility of being secondary infected is small. Therefore it is not necessary for them to take antibiotics. What’s more, some patients may be allergic to antibiotics. Another possibility is that antibiotics has unpleasant side effect. It is not suitable for every patient.

To sum up, the argument lacks credibility because the experiment and reasoning is not strong enough to support the conclusion the arguer draws. In order to make it more convincing, the arguer should modify the experiment and take out more evidence to prove the causal relationship between use of antibiotics and preventing secondary infection. Additionally, the arguer needs to take consideration of practical problems such as side effect before advising patients to take antibiotics.

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15楼
发表于 2009-7-20 17:17:55 |只看该作者
6# emily_feifei
emily_feifei的argue 1
Argument 1
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
提纲：
1.
运动服虽然卖得好当地人不一定喜欢运动，即使喜欢运动也不一定崇尚健康生活。
2.
参加项目的学生今后不一定会是该店在P地的顾客。
3.
盈利必须是成本小于收入。
Time: 1h 43m(好歹比昨天的I短了)
Words:557
In this memo, the vice president concluded that opening a new chain store in Plansville would be profitable. To justify such conclusion the author notes that their stores earn most in places where residents care much about healthy lifestyle. He also noticed that sports shoes and clothes were sold well and residents there were very enthusiastic to join fitness club. In addition, students there who were made to participate in the "fitness for life" program would be the new generation of customers. At first sight, the statement is seemingly justifiable, but after a strict scrutiny, the president fails to convince me that a new store in Plansville would make money.
The president has made several logical mistakes among which there are three standing out. One of them is that though exercise shoes and clothes are hot sale, it is not inevitable that people there are sports fan. It is very likely that exercise shoes and clothes are so comfortable than other types of clothing that most people there are fond of living a casual life. Or perhaps such clothes and shoes charge less than others. Even if residents in Plansville are keen on exercise, being crazy for exercise does not necessarily prove that people in Plansville would pay much attention to healthy life.我觉得这句可以不要或者把healthy life 改成healthy diet。在常理看来，喜欢运动的是的确比较喜欢健康的生活的，只是他们不一定会花钱去买专门的food而已 It is possible that people there reckon themselves being enough healthy by doing much exercise and care little about healthy diet not to mention having the desire to buy other health-related products. Without ruling out other possible explanations of the well-sales of sports clothing and providing sufficient evident how much local residents are concerning about their healthy life, I could not agree on the president's conclusion.
In addition, the president is too rash to state that those students who are made to join the program called "fitness for life" would be potential customers in the foreseeable future. What if the students are unwilling to join such program? What if the students will be fed up with such healthy lifestyle and return to their former unhealthy life soon after they graduate? Even though most of the students do form a habit to live healthily, it is not impossible that Painesville is not suitable for the young to study further and fight for their dream and in consequence, many students would move out of this place and settle down in anywhere else.这点我没想到，觉得很好 If so, how can the president be so confident that these students will be the new generation of customer?关于学生的这个点，我觉得你还漏了一个，就是那个program emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age，并不是强调food

The final point I would like to raise is that when it comes to profits the president failed to consider the cost. It is well known that profits is based on that revenue outweighs cost. Without providing the information of the cost of opening and maintaining a chain store in Plansville, the president should not make such hasty conclusion. It is entirely possible that rent in Plansville is rather high or the cost of human resource there is much higher than anywhere else. Either scenario, if true, would serve to undermine the president's statement.
Taking into what has been discussed above, the author's statement about the profitability of a new chain store in Painesville is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster it, the presidents should make a market research in details such as the expense of running a store, demographical information.
我把我的思路写出来吧，参考一下。
1 当地人不一定喜欢运动
   衣服买的好  也许价格低、舒适等
   Club火爆   也许由于食物结构等问题而需要减肥，并不是喜爱运动
2 崇尚健康生活  不一定会特备购买healthy food
3 students
  强调exercise  而不是food
   Early age 以后不一定还healthy
   孩子们长大了不一定继续留在这个地方
4 profit 与否需要考虑很多问题
成本，是否有类似商家，当地消费习惯、饮食习惯等

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