0910AW 同主题写作第六期 ISSUE221 by blade134 --欢迎互拍 [复制链接]

blade134
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-7-29 11:21:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE221 - "The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."

History is a book which records the conduct of people in different time and area. For someone who thinks people live in different time are totally different from each other, it is just an illusion as long as he learned the history of the world in detail.

Admittedly, people living in different time in history are different from each other in many aspects. For example, the life of the ancient Chinese and the Roman are different in daily food, attire, and architecture. The Chinese usually eat rice and vegetable while the Roman's primarily food is meat and cheese, the Chinese wear silk clothes while the Roman wears the one which is made of the skin of beasts, most of the Chinese buildings are made of wood while the Roman use stones to make castles, and so on. As technology develops all the time, the difference between the ancient Chinese and the contemporary Chinese is quite distinct, now most of the Chinese wear the suits made of cotton, and do not live in wooden blocks any more.

However, we cannot deny that ancient people and contemporary one are still very similar on many aspects. For example, the Japanese painting craft is almost the same style as that in Tang Dynasty. Both of their portrait paintings regard fat persons as the beauty. Even the ancient Chinese and the Roman also have some life styles in common, for instance, both of them choose riding horse instead of walking on foot.

By studying history, we can discover that these same behaviors often generated from the communications. The same painting craft between the Chinese and Japanese paintings are mainly from the commercial and culture communication in Tang Dynasty. In that period of time, many the travelers such as monks traveled across the sea frequently, so the painting craft of Tang Dynasty spread (or transmit) to Japan. In contrast, the different life styles between people living in different time, like the Chinese and the Roman, could be formed by different climate and geography. The Roman need to hunt beasts in mountains while Chinese only need to grow some vegetable and raise poultry because the weather in Alps is cold and hard, yet it is warm and humid in China.

In sum, we can not only recognize the different aspects of the life style between people who live in different time but also discover the same ones from deep research of history. Further more, by researching the art craft of Japanese paintings, we can know the culture of Tang Dynasty better because compared to some Chinese paintings, these paintings are better preserved. That is mean, we can learn a lot from these same aspects and the reason of becoming same, and so we know ourselves better and have a better development.

欢迎大家多指教，需要互拍的同学请最好留下文章地址，谢谢^_^

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lsmyer
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沙发

发表于 2009-7-30 10:14:32 |只看该作者

1# blade134

TOPIC: ISSUE221 -"The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down theillusion that people in one period of time are significantly differentfrom people who lived at any other time in history."

History is a book which records the conduct of people in different timeand area【开头略述背景，我喜欢】. For someone who thinks people live in different time[times] aretotally different from each other, it is just an illusion as long as helearned the history of the world in detail.

Admittedly, people living in different time in history are differentfrom each other in many aspects. For example, the life of the ancientChinese and (that of) the Roman[不能把中国人的Life和the roman比吧？] are different in daily food, attire, andarchitecture. The Chinese usually eat rice and vegetables while theRoman's primarily[primary] food is meat and cheese, the Chinese wear silkclothes while the Roman wears the one which is made of the skin ofbeasts, [1 两句话不能用逗号链接。 2 为避免重复后半句可改为，while the Roman made their clothes from skins of beasts]most of the Chinese buildings are made of wood while the Romanuse stones to make castles, and so on.[几个句子后来价格and so on似乎……] As technology develops all thetime, the differences between the ancient Chinese and the contemporaryChinese isare [differences 应该有很多吧]quite distinct【另外，differences是quite distinct的，似乎语义重复了？】, now most of the Chinese wear the suits madeof cotton, and do not live in wooden blocks any more.【最后这句只说了chinese似乎没体现出对比不同？】

However, we cannot deny that ancient people and contemporary one arestill very similar on many aspects. For example, the Japanese paintingcraft is almost the same style as that in Tang Dynasty of CHINA【详细点吧，老外不一定晓得】. Both of theirportrait paintings regard fat persons as the beauty. Even the ancientChinese and the Roman also have some life styles in common, forinstance, both of them choose riding horse instead of walking on foot.

By studying history, we can discover that these same behaviors oftengenerated from the communications. The same painting craft between theChinese and Japanese paintings are mainly from the commercial andculture communication in Tang Dynasty. In that period of time, many thetravelers such as monks traveled across the sea frequently, so thepainting craft of Tang Dynasty spread (or transmit) to Japan. Incontrast, the different life styles between people living in differenttime, like the Chinese and the Roman, could be formed by differentclimate and geography. The Roman need to hunt beasts in mountains whileChinese only need to grow some vegetables and raise poultry because theweather in Alps is cold and hard, yet it is[换为but，省去it is显得更高级，yet我不确定，所以换了but] warm and humid in China.

In sum, we can not only recognize the different aspects of the lifestyle between people who live in different time but also discover thesame ones from deep research of history. Further more, by researchingthe art craft of Japanese paintings, we can know the culture of TangDynasty better because compared to some Chinese paintings, thesepaintings are better preserved. That is mean, we can learn a lot fromthese same【个人感觉similar要好点，下同】 aspects and the reason of becoming same, and so we knowourselves better【more thorough,避免和下文better重复】 and have a better development.

说明：
蓝色——认为楼主写的好的地方
橙色or红色——怀疑or认为楼主有问题的地方

1 首先，感谢楼主对我那篇的修改。尤其是对于主题上的把握，楼主的建议非常好，我的确有偏题的嫌疑。
2 看了楼主的提纲：
1)       举出不同历史时期人们的相同点或不同点
2)       结合历史研究，分析其中原因
3)       通过研究，我们得到什么启示
我觉得这个提纲比较好，我估计也会改成这种模式。但楼主的文章可能有几点值得商榷
  a. 楼主主要是在比较中国人和罗马人的区别，这似乎是不同地方，而不是不同时间的人哦？
  b. 其次，第二段论证差异性的时候，举了一些生活方式的不同，我觉得比较好，除了1的问题。但是第三段议论相似性的时候，却依然停留在生活方式的层面，我觉得这个不是很妥。毕竟ETS可能还是想看点深沉的东西。这也是所以我个人的文章偏题偏到人性论上去了。但是我觉得楼主可以借鉴。
  c。全文的整体结构和框架还是中规中矩的，不错。

匆匆改成，纯属个人意见，楼主辩证取舍，呵呵。

另外，楼主的提纲和下面这段话给我启发挺大，谢谢：

“这样study history是否break down了illusion，是不是就说的比较清楚。

我对issue有一个看法，就是issue给的题目范围太广，能写的东西很多，例如study ofhistory的benefit实在是很多，不同时代人之间的different更多（光对different的理解就有很多种，是吧？），在五六百字的篇幅里根本不可能全面论述，因此最好挑选和题目相关的部分充分论述。”