Issue31 求砖 改进之后

againUID: 175079

Issue 31 Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial.

     The speaker asserts that money spent on research is generally a sound investment, no matter what the results of that research are. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that most of the times the research on the all kinds of fields does advance the knowledge of the human being and facilitate the people’s lives. However, the speaker overlooks other bad influence the research brings about that maybe outweigh the benefit from them.
  
     I concede that the speaker’s statement has some merits in some respects. After all, the research is an exploration that our scientists strive to find new knowledge and break new ground. The development of the human history is pushed by this force so that people can have so highly civilization and advanced technology. One apt illustration of this point involves the advent of the 抗生素。Years ago when the people got some terrible diseases, they have no approach to cure their disease so that they either wait for death or resort to some psychic and paranormal pursuits. But now the new medicine gives many parents the new hope and sheds the light for the breakthrough of hard diseases. Another example is various kinds of the automobiles that facilitate the efficiency of traveling. For a long time people relied on the coach instead of the foot. Hardly have they dreamed of the across-ocean journey to travel to foreign country because it may spend over years. However now it is only a short trip to reach to what you want to.

  It is true that on some occasions the money spent on the research is generally well invested. But there are worse influences behind them that outweigh the benefit from them. For example, when people plunge themselves into the research about the advanced weapons which stand for the highly-developed technology, in other side of the world hundreds of thousands of innocent people have to face with great horribleness, some forces to go to foreign countries, some separated from their family and friends, some murdered and maimed by atomic blasts and by nuclear meltdowns. The scientists pay attention to the research about the use of pesticides and fertilizers to promote the produces. But now the increasing quantities of cheap food using this pesticides leads to great pollution and they are threatening our lives. When you think you are eating fresh salads and vegetables or having an innocent glass of water, actually you are having a steady diet of pesticides.

       In sum, the speaker’s assertion that money spent on the research is almost always a sound investment goes to extreme. I agree that many scientific researches carry the highly development of technology and the advancement of human knowledge. However, when we do the research without aim or clear purpose, we may risk squandering resources even destroy the balance the ecology and eradiate the humanity. In the final analysis, we should have a complete evaluation and thoughtful analysis on the investment of the research.

lakeqianUID: 157560

题目主要考虑当研究结果controversia时l花钱的问题。even when相当于即使（给定条件）。
因此是已经规定了只考虑controversial。而不是分别考虑研究结果是好是坏。

needleUID: 158900

Issue 31 Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial.

The speaker asserts that money spent on research is generally a sound investment, no matter what the results of that research are. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that most of the times the research on the all kinds of fields does advance the knowledge of the human being and facilitate the people’s lives. However, the speaker overlooks other bad influence the research brings about that maybe outweigh the benefit from them.[这个开头太象argument了。但作为issue，就很不够。记住，要立论，明白地说出自己的观点。你的立场似乎是反对原题，表达得不够清晰。]

I concede that the speaker’s statement has some merits in some respects. After all, the research is an exploration that our scientists strive to find new knowledge and break new ground[这个搭配的使用我不是很确定]. The development of the human history is pushed by this force so that people can have so highly civilization and advanced technology[个人感觉说的有点绝对。对未知的探知的确推动历史，但是别忘了你前面写的主语是scientists，不如说是human beings更加准确]. One apt illustration of this point involves the advent of the 抗生素[antibiotic]。Years ago when the [去掉] people got some terrible diseases, they have[had注意时态] no approach to cure their disease[s注意一致] so that they either wait[时态] for death or resort to some psychic and paranormal pursuits[还是很绝对。加上“一些”之类的词就会准确很多]. But now the[注意the的用法] new medicine[antibiotic不是一种药] gives many parents[哪里出来的？] the[去掉] new hope and sheds the light for[这个介词好像不是很对] the breakthrough of hard diseases. Another example is various kinds of the automobiles that facilitate the efficiency of traveling. For a long time people relied on the coach instead of the foot. Hardly have they dreamed of the across-ocean journey to travel to foreign country[好像这个用汽车还是没法cross ocean啊！] because it may spend over years. However now it is only a short trip to reach to what you want to[错误的句子，where you want to be].[body1是个让步段，但是两个例子都没有突出research，只是说了科技进步带来的好处，而且，例子写的不够精炼，使得让步段的篇幅明显偏长。段末也没有总结。]

It is true that on some occasions the money spent on the research is generally well invested. But there are worse influences behind them that outweigh the benefit from them[这个but是个强转折，我感觉，前后有点矛盾。]. For example, when people plunge themselves into the research about the advanced weapons which stand for the highly-developed technology, in other side of the world hundreds of thousands of innocent people have to face with great horribleness, [连词呢？]some forces to go to foreign countries, some separated from their family and friends, [连词呢？]some murdered and maimed by atomic blasts and by nuclear meltdowns. The scientists pay attention to the research about the use of pesticides and fertilizers to promote the produces. But now the increasing quantities of cheap food using[using的逻辑主语是increasing?] this pesticides leads[注意单复数一致] to great pollution and they[who???] are threatening our lives. When you think you[第二人称最好避免] are eating fresh salads and vegetables or having an innocent glass of water, actually you are having a steady diet of pesticides. [段末没有总结。对于自己的观点认识得不够深刻，所以论证的都是很表层的东西。举了不同领域的例子，但是论证没有层次。]


In sum, the speaker’s assertion that money spent on the research is almost always a sound investment goes to extreme. I agree that many scientific researches carry the highly development of technology and the advancement of human knowledge. However, when we do the research without aim or clear purpose, we may risk squandering resources even destroy the balance the ecology and eradiate the humanity. In the final analysis, we should have a complete evaluation and thoughtful analysis on the investment of the research.[结尾依然很像argument]

[看得出来，是个新手，对issue的写作还没有入门。建议去看一下置顶的imong写的issue特训系列，chapter1部分应当对新手还是很有用的。

要尽快的熟悉issue的写作方法和要求。首先要注意这是立论文，那么你就必须要有自己的观点和立场。自己的观点作为通篇的TS，那么就要分不同的角度和层面来论证自己的观点。这就好比我们平时说话，提出对一件事情自己的看法之后，就要分不同的层面完满、完善、完整的证明自己的看法是正确的，有道理的。

你这一篇文章，没有形成自己的观点，对题目的理解也不够深刻。现在需要做的是，加强issue的思辨思维，对问题的看法不要停留在表面，流于肤浅。毕竟，这是北美研究生入学考试，幼稚的思维是逃不过考官的眼睛的。

精华区有大量的资料，不要错过。继续加油！]

mlle_hlxUID: 145607

needle 不愧是needle,太有"针"对性了!!!

我谈一点我的想法.
again 改后的文章在风格上确实比原来那篇要充实稳重一些了，事实的成分增加了。.
但是因为你写的是驳论文,在对research 作出让步的同时,应该把更多的笔墨花在反驳上,falchion&glaive 说你的让步有点多,确实是的.原来那篇文章正文也是两段,但只作了一个小让步,那就比较合适.但是你可以在正文部分再加一段,增加驳论的分量和力度. (个人意见,如果你时间够的话,你再加一段,前提是你有话可说,如果限定时间内很紧张了,那就在驳论文中少一点让步.你自己看呢?——其他人如果觉得我这样的想法有什么不妥的话，也给again 和我提出来啊！)

我对issue  的理解是"我就这个问题的观点是什么什么"，对argument 的理解是"他的观点这是不对的，那也是没有根据的"，这么说吧，issue是自己立个靶子，argument 是攻击别人的靶子。所以你再比较一下issue和argument的不同写法，特别是开头和结尾的特点。

其他的问题，falchion&glaive，lakeqian，还有needle基本都说到了，尤其参考下needle 最后说的话，也值得我学习啊。

继续努力！

againUID: 175079

太感动了,大家能这么帮我. 刚来的这个版就认识了你们真是我的荣幸，愿我们不断前行，谢谢大家乐。

济公UID: 172138

我觉得前几个人的意见和建议很不错  我也受益匪浅   

关于文章：
1，我认为这篇文章应该针对good investment and controvercial 议论 作者好像有些把侧重点放在了科技的好处和坏处了  
2， 这类题目是不是可以分两个方面说  一是认为IN MOST CASSES 是GOOD INVESTMENT  列举几个REASONS AND EXAMPLES       另一方面是从反面说结构可一样(这一点可以放在前面，作个让步）
3，在论证是GOOD INVESTMENT 时 可以正面论证和方面驳论 即论证其逆否命题


其他有待提高的地方楼上几位都已经指出
  
希望与各位讨论