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本帖最后由 晹城 于 2015-6-6 13:56 编辑
[0602 同主题练习] Argument 1
1)Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
结论:Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean
论据1:The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat
论据2:no Palean boats have been found.
According to the argument, woven baskets could be not only made by the Palean people, 断句humans in Lithos, which is across to Palean by Brim River, also had this craft because there was no boat found and the river could be crossed only by boats. To evaluate this argument, we need to examine more evidence about the possibility that the baskets might be carried through other ways. Also, further evidence about the existence of boats is necessary to lead to this conclusion.
lead to this conclusion表达
Revised:
The passage argued that woven baskets were not uniquely Palean. People in Lithos, which was across the river from Palean, could make it as well because such baskets were also found in Lithos.To evaluate this argument, we need to examine more evidence about the possibility that the baskets may be carried through other ways. Also, further evidence about the existence of boats is necessary to draw this conclusion.
前两段:的确没有船,但可能有其他的方式(人为带过去、水冲过去)
第三段:可能有船
While it may be true that prehistoric residents in Palean did not have boats, there may be other ways by which the baskets could be taken to the other side of the river. We need to examine whether it is 时态 possible for later humans to bring such woven baskets to Lithos. For example, some explorers in modern centuries may had visited Palean and carried the delicate woven basket with them. They may leave these crafts at Lithos when they came there, maybe by airplane, which is quite common in the recent century. Considering this circumstance, the argument could be weakened if anyone have ever been to both the two sides of the river.
我觉得扯到现代人是不靠谱的
archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos
考古学家会看出来是现代人碰过的东西 外星人还差不多
Revised:
While it may be true that prehistoric residents in Palean did not have boats, there might be other ways by which the baskets could be taken to the other side of the river. Brim River at that time could be not as deep and broad as it is now, so that Palean people could carry the baskets across the river by swimming or even just walking. Also, the climate condition at that time should be examined. If the climate in prehistoric age was extremely cold that river would froze in winter, people in Palean would be able to carry these baskets to Lithos. Considering this circumstance, the argument could be weakened even if there was no boat for Palean people to transport the baskets across the river.
Additionally, we need more evidence about whether it is reasonable that water could carry the baskets across the river. According to the given information, Brim River is 时态 quite deep and broad. It is quite possible for such a river to rise and fall regularly. When the bank in Palean was flooded, those woven baskets, if there had any, could be wash语法 away in the water and be left at Lithos when the river was falling. Therefore, when this situation is taken into account, the argument that such woven basket was also original in Lothos could be strongly weaken语法.
whether it is reasonable that这个句型用在这里不合适
it is possible
一些小的语法问题要注意
Revised:
Additionally, we need more evidence about whether it is possible that water could carry the baskets across the river. According to the given information, Brim River was quite deep and broad. It is quite possible for such a river to rise and fall regularly. When the bank in Palean was flooded, those woven baskets, if there had any, could be washed away in the water and be left at Lithos when the river was falling. Therefore, when this situation is taken into account, the argument that such woven basket was also original in Lothos could be strongly weakened.
With regard to the boats, we need additional evidence about the judgment that there is时态 no boat at that time. The fact that no boat has been found till now does not mean that Palean people was not able to make a boat. Such concern could be valid since before the recent discovery of the woven basket in Lithos, we would think that such baskets could only be made by Palean people, which is now being challenged.整句句子结构混乱 Therefore, to support the argument, we need more evidence showing that there was indeed no boat during the Palean time.
judgment -选词 conclusion/ claim
Such concern could be valid这里有什么concern?
这个句子我是想说,Lithos的baskets也是最近才找到,而由此认为Lithos的人也可以造篮子的。在发现Lithos有篮子之前,我们认为Lithos并没有篮子。 对于现在Palean没有发现船,是否也可以认为只是暂时没有找到(就像之前没有找到Lithos的篮子一样)
we need more evidence showing that there was indeed no boat
严格来说不可能有所谓的整句证明没有什么东西
你只能去找各种有这个东西的证据 如果找不到了 就只好接受这个东西没有的结论
感觉这段基本废掉了
Revised:
With regard to the boats, we need to know more about the technologies and material of Palean and Lithos people at that time for building a boat. Specifically, we want to know whether they were able to build boats and if they were able to, what material had been used. It was quite possible that they could build a boat, but the material they used could not survive for a long time and left no traces for archaeologists to locate. Animal skin, which could be rotted away over time, is a possible example. The absence of any tangible traces of boats dose not necessarily imply no boats were available at that time.
In conclusion, the argument saying that Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean is not likely cogent enough only with the present evidence. To strengthen the argument, there must be more evidence indicating that there were no other ways carrying the baskets to Lithos and there was indeed no boat at that time.
50分钟 →_→ ...大概因为写的时候很多地方会卡,想不出来合适的词
看了老师的范文觉得很多地方还可以有更多的可能,比如可能会有气温低河面结冰,可能曾经河水没有现在宽等等。
另外关于没发现boat不等于没有boat,这一点我确实没想到一些具体的例子。Kssandra在文章中给出的具体的可能性比如兽皮做材料的船可能被腐蚀掉,其他village的人可能有boat等等就很好 |
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