[a习作temp] A14 [复制链接]

CynthiaMomoLee
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-3-4 10:52:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

In this argument, the owner claims that the Green Gardening Center should increase their profits by greatly expanding the vartiey of vegetable seeds because there is evidence that customers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. To support the conclusion, the author cites a national survey conducted last month indicating that many people were not statisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermakets. Anothor phenomenon that the gardening magazines Great Garden has sold out at Village News stand three months in a row is also a proof to that recommendation. However, this argument rests on a series of unsubstantiateed assumption and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
In the first place, the evidence that there is a tendency of more and more people being keen on growing their own vegetables is not full of convincing information. We cannot get the specific numbers of customers who are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermakets, and then we do not know whether the complainanits are large parts of the customers in the whole nation. Additionally, the  situation in this survey reflects the entire country's market and it is possible that  the trend is unrepresentative of this suburban town. So without providing any useful and adequater proof that the increasing number of customers complaining the vegetable in this town's market, there is no support for the idea of stocking seeds for people.
Secondly, even assuming that the survey in the memo is true and express the circumstance that the sound of dissatisfing of the quality of vegetables is becoming enhanced, the author fails to depend on  the assumption that the decline in  the number of people stastifimemt would bring about the increase in the number of their own growing vegetable.Maybe they would be more inclined to buy fresh vegetable from the native farmers instead of the supermarkets. Moreover,there is no direct relationship between the result of selling out the magazine Great Garden and the expanding of people planting vegetable on their own.Perhaps any other news in that mazagine is popular among the local person and just perhaps the number of magazines in the Village News stand is short, lacking strong information of other stands' selling results.
Finally, the author fails to consider other possible alternatives that leading to increase the company's profits. Such alyernatives include  that an ability to bring in more high quality of vegetable keeps people from unhealty lifestyle. Lacking other consideration of all the aspects, we cannot convince that providing the variety of vegetables will attract the customers and then own more money.
To sum up, the author should state more persuitive information and specific survey of the real trend towards people's favor of planting vegetable and build strength cause- and -effect relationship between the number of dissatisfy and the number of growing own vegetables.What's more. more aspects about the available and efficient ways to enhance profits should be taken into condideration.

我发现我的A写得越来越啰嗦~~~~

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tc1220
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沙发

发表于 2010-3-6 23:43:24 |只看该作者

In this argument, the owner claims that the Green Gardening Center should increase their profits by greatly expanding the vartiey of vegetable seeds because there is evidence that customers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. To support the conclusion, the author cites a national survey conducted last month indicating that many people were not statisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermakets. Anothor phenomenon that the gardening magazines Great Garden has sold out at Village News stand three months in a row is also a proof to that recommendation. However, this argument rests on a series of unsubstantiateed assumption and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

In the first place, the evidence that there is a tendency of more and more people being keen on growing their own vegetables is not full of convincing information. 加个连词把 We cannot get the specific numbers of customers who are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermakets, and then we do not know whether the complainanits are large parts of the customers in the whole nation. Additionally, the  situation in this survey reflects the entire country's market and it is possible that  the trend is unrepresentative of this suburban town. So without providing any useful and adequater proof that the increasing number of customers complaining the vegetable in this town's market, there is no support for the idea of stocking seeds for people.

Secondly, even assuming that the survey in the memo is true and express the circumstance that the sound of dissatisfing of the quality of vegetables is becoming enhanced, the author fails to depend on  不明白  the assumption that the decline in  the number of people stastifimemt would bring about the increase in the number of their own growing vegetable.Maybe they would be more inclined to buy fresh vegetable from the native farmers instead of the supermarkets. （这个好~）Moreover,there is no direct relationship between the result of selling out the magazine Great Garden and the expanding of people planting vegetable on their own.Perhaps any other news in that mazagine is popular among the local person and just perhaps the number of magazines in the Village News stand is short, lacking strong information of other stands' selling results.
OK啦，找到点了
Finally, the author fails to consider other possible alternatives that leading to increase the company's profits. Such alyernatives (这个词什么意思?)include  that an ability to bring in more high quality of vegetable keeps people from unhealty lifestyle. (这句话也不明白, 攻击PROFITS，可以用COST来说~)Lacking other consideration of all the aspects, we cannot convince that providing the variety of vegetables will attract the customers and then own more money.

To sum up, the author should state more persuitive information and specific survey of the real trend towards people's favor of planting vegetable and build strength cause- and -effect relationship between the number of dissatisfy and the number of growing own vegetables.What's more. more aspects about the available and efficient ways to enhance profits should be taken into condideration.

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