贴上9月时练的一篇大作文,打上来的时候感觉好多地方语法有问题,求指点!
题目:IN SOME COUNTRIES THE AVERAGE WEIGHT OF PEOPLE IS INCREASING AND THEIR LEVELS OF HEALTH AND FITNESS ARE DECREASING. THE CAUSES OF THESE PROBLEMS AND WHAT MEASURES COULD BE TAKEN TO SOLVE THEM?
It is said that the average weitht of people is rising and their levels of health and fitness are descending.This phenmenon is very common in several countries .In my opinion ,there are some reasons for it.
In the first place,with the ecological development of the nations,the qualities of life of people improvel as well,more and more individuals have cash in hand so that they afford lots of delicious food.For instance,many people are willing to have dinners in the restaurants as its time-saving,in this way, in order to attract more consumers ,the businessmen would publish more food,such as the junk food.Although we know the junk food is harmful to our health,we still love to have them as it is tasty.
Furthmore,the ways of relaxation have changed a lot.In the past,without the TV,the folks often worked out with their friends and neighbour. However,people would have more choices to spend their spare time.For instance,you can watch TV all the time,you can play the video games or surf on the internet as well.It seems that the indoor activities are much colorful than the outdoor activities.
As time passes,people's physical level become poor than before.To convert such dangerous situation,the government should take some measurements.On one hand,our government should hold many public sport games to encourage people to do more physical exercises.In addition,the lectures about the health are necessary too.On the other hand, people should balance their diet,eat more food which is rich with vitamin C,fibre,mineral and so on.At the same time,they should control the amount of meat.Sparing some time to work out is beneficial to them as well.作者: tangerine_guyu 时间: 2012-10-11 08:20:47
另外文章词汇、用语方面,也要很注意,levels of health and fitness, qualities of life and ways of relaxation这种表达方式,十之八九直接产生扣分项,而且是很显眼的问题。建议可以看看一些地道的表达方式,并重读部分语法(别小看语法)。找个几个同时考试的朋友,互相写后修改作文,都有帮助的。作者: 蜻蜓切 时间: 2012-10-17 00:21:39
<Quote>In the first place,with the ecological development of the nations,the qualities of life of people improvel as well,more and more individuals have cash in hand so that they afford lots of delicious food.<Unquote>
我现在看回这句话,觉得自己写得拖泥带水。
Firstly,with the development of the society,people's lifestyle and custom change accordingly,which some of them lead to many health problems. 作者: 蜻蜓切 时间: 2012-10-17 23:11:48